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Old 07-13-2008, 06:23 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Smile AA Jokes - please share

There must be tons and I can only think of one and I probably aren't going to tell it right but here goes...

A long time AA member named Joe R has lived to a very old age and one morning God appears to him, as Joe lies in bed.

Joe: What have you come for God?

God: Well Joe, I've come with some good news and some bad new, what do you want first?

Joe (being an optimist): I like to start the morning with good news

God: I have come to tell you that we have AA meetings in heaven

Joe: Alright - that's great! So what's the bad news?

God: You're chairing tonights meeting....

:atv
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Old 07-13-2008, 07:03 PM   #2 (permalink)
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that was good.
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Old 07-13-2008, 07:19 PM   #3 (permalink)
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a wino was staggering down the beach hungover and sick..His mouth was dry,and he wanted a drink bad...He was checking all the empty cans and bottles he found looking for a corner of a bottle..
He found a bottle ,pulled the cork,and out popped a genie
Genie said,great,i`m free,I have been in there for 3500 yrs...you get 2 free wishes!

the wino thought about it for a minute,and said,I want a bottle of wine that will never run dry...
poof!
there,in his hands was a fresh bottle of wine.He pulled the cork and took a slug..the bottle refilled itself.Great he said...The genie said,hurry up,I `ve got some catching up to do...the wino thought for a minute,and asked the genie,you got one more bottle like this?
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Old 07-13-2008, 07:35 PM   #4 (permalink)
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a very sick wino was sitting in the day room of a detox waiting for the aa meeting to start.In popped a new young kid,about 18,eyes as big as saucers and sat at the table..This kids was tweaking on some strong dope mind you.....his hair was standing straight up like a afro,with bright colors,yellow,red,blue,orange streaks in it.
The wino just sat and stared at him.The nervous kid looked away,and could feel his stare burning in to the back of his head.He turned around and the wino was still staring at him.After several episodes of this,the kid could not take it anymore,and he jumped up and screamed,dangit old man,haven`t you ever got drunk and done something wild?

The old wino calmly said
sure kid
i got drunk and had sex with a parrot,and I was just wondering if you was my kid.....
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Old 07-13-2008, 07:36 PM   #5 (permalink)
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when I talk,I allways tell those 2 jokes first...I get alot of miles out of those jokes...lol
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Old 07-13-2008, 07:40 PM   #6 (permalink)
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2 guys was the best of friends
they made a deal that the first one who died would come back and tell the other what Heaven was like.

One day,one of the guys died.
Several nights later,the other was awaken by his old buddy`s voice during the night..I came to tell you about the afterlife he said...well,whats it like?
all I do is eat,sleep and make love,it`s great he said...well,proclaimed the other guy,so that is what heaven is like...Heaven my butt said the dead guy,I was re-incarnated and came back as a jackrabbit in west Texas...
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Old 07-13-2008, 07:45 PM   #7 (permalink)
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2 women ...one recently widowed

May..."Yes, he was a good man except
when he drank. Then he wouldn't work
hit the kids and me...carried on with loose women
Then the drink killed himm"

June...."Tsk! Tsk! Sooo, he didn't like AA?"

May..."Oh My No! He never went..
he wasn't that bad."
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Old 07-13-2008, 07:53 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Thanks for the jokes they were great.
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Old 07-13-2008, 08:14 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I've heard this one on an AA tape I had

Quote:
Originally Posted by bballdad View Post
a very sick wino was sitting in the day room of a detox waiting for the aa meeting to start.In popped a new young kid,about 18,eyes as big as saucers and sat at the table..This kids was tweaking on some strong dope mind you.....his hair was standing straight up like a afro,with bright colors,yellow,red,blue,orange streaks in it.
The wino just sat and stared at him.The nervous kid looked away,and could feel his stare burning in to the back of his head.He turned around and the wino was still staring at him.After several episodes of this,the kid could not take it anymore,and he jumped up and screamed,dangit old man,haven`t you ever got drunk and done something wild?

The old wino calmly said
sure kid
i got drunk and had sex with a parrot,and I was just wondering if you was my kid.....
It's pretty dam funny. My memory is so bad these days but if I recall rightly same guy also said, he needs to be treated special just to feel normal.....
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Old 07-13-2008, 08:16 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Keep them coming too

I heard an older AA lady who called herself a menopausel teenage say once, "we hear so much we want to cry about (in AA), we just gotta laugh..."
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Old 07-13-2008, 08:39 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I too cracked up the meeting
when I last told my story in my home group.

I picked up the mike

"Hi Everyone...my name is Liz T
and obviously...I've changed a lot in recovery"
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Old 07-13-2008, 08:58 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolD View Post
2 women ...one recently widowed

May..."Yes, he was a good man except
when he drank. Then he wouldn't work
hit the kids and me...carried on with loose women
Then the drink killed himm"

June...."Tsk! Tsk! Sooo, he didn't like AA?"

May..."Oh My No! He never went..
he wasn't that bad."

FUN-NEE!
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Old 07-13-2008, 09:18 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I heard Tom B. Jr. tell this one once:

One night a wino had a dream. He dreamed he got to go to Disney Land and spend the whole day.

The next morning he called up one of his wino buddies and told him about his dream. His buddy said " I had a dream last night too." "What was it about?" the first wino asked. "Well, I dreamed I was in a luxury penthouse suite and there were cases of expensive liquor. And there was a knock at the door and there stood two scantily clad beautiful women wanting to spend the night in my room!"

"Why didn't you call me? exclaimed the first wino.

The second wino said "I did call you, but your mom said you were at Disney Land."

Now an Al-Anon joke:

How many Al-Anons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They just detach and let it screw itself.

Last edited by jimhere; 07-13-2008 at 09:19 PM. Reason: spelling
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Old 07-13-2008, 11:53 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Ha,ha

Those are great Jim!
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Old 07-13-2008, 11:56 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Just thought of another one

this one gets said a lot here.

What's the difference between an alcoholic and an addict?
An alcoholic will steal your wallet but an addict will steal your wallet then help you look for it.......

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Old 07-14-2008, 12:08 AM   #16 (permalink)
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I'm switching this to the Follies
so more members will notice

"We are not a glum lot"

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Old 07-14-2008, 02:58 AM   #17 (permalink)
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What is the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?

An alcoholic goes to meetings!

BTW Jim the Alanon one was a good one!!!!
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Old 07-14-2008, 03:58 PM   #18 (permalink)
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That's funny and awful

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tazman53 View Post
What is the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?

An alcoholic goes to meetings!

BTW Jim the Alanon one was a good one!!!!
At the same time. I think there are a few on the Grapevine website. Will try and find them.
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Old 07-14-2008, 04:09 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Heard at a meeting once:

AA faker:"Since joining AA 3 years ago, I have not found it necessary to take a drink"

Newcomer: "Liar, I saw you not 2 weeks ago at Joe's bar and grill drunk as a skunk"

AA faker: "Yeah, but it wasn't necessary"
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Old 07-14-2008, 06:22 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Thanks for the laughs!!!
(Especially the alanon joke!!! )

L'Chaim!
(To Life!)
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