Jokes from my Dad

[Debbie]

Okay I cannot be held responsible for these jokes. My dad sends me stuff and I thought I would share them. I don't know where he gets them. He sends me some weird stuff......lolol

<center>Wouldn't it be nice if life were a little like a computer keyboard?
Everybody needs an "escape" key sometimes.

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Wife says to her husband, "What did the doctor say!"

"He said I should slow down."

And her comeback is, "How does a man who has been rear-ended by a recliner slow down?"

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The strict and unsmiling manager noticed that the suggestion box was missing from the wall beside the time clock. He began to ask around to see who knew what had become of it. "You!" he yelled at one of his employees. "Where's the suggestion box?"

"I don't personally know, Sir," the employee responded. "But the office gossip is that it's under your desk, wired, and ticking."



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Thank you for holding. This call may be monitored for
quality purposes.
Of course, if we really cared about quality we'd hire
more people to answer the phone.

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Three male crows are flying over head when one spots a dove.

He swoops down, picks up the dove and takes it into the bushes. After a
few minutes, the dove comes out and says, "I'm a dove and I've been
loved!"

The crows continue on. A little later the second bird sees a lark. He
swoops down, picks it up and goes into the bushes. A few minutes later,
the lark comes out and says, "I'm a lark and I've been sparked!"

The crows continue on. A little later the third one sees a duck.

He swoops down, picks it up and takes it into the bushes. After a few
minutes the bird comes out, then goes back in. Then the duck comes out
and says, "I'm a drake and there's been a big mistake!"

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Q. What's the range of a tuba?
A. About twenty yards if you have a good arm.

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An old nun who was living in a convent
next to a Brooklyn construction site
noticed the coarse language of the workers
and decided to spend some
time with them to correct their ways.
She decided she would take her
lunch sit with the workers and talk with them.
She put her sandwich
in a brown bag and walked over
to the spot where the men were eating.
She walked up to the group and with a big smile said :
"Do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other.
One of the workers looked
up into the steelwork and yelled
"Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers asked why.
The worker yelled
"His wife is here with his lunch".

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"Most people say they don't want Martha Stewart to serve time
in jail. The bad news: they want the death penalty."
-Jay Leno

"Last week, Queen Elizabeth celebrated 50 years on the throne.
I didn't know they had a Taco Bell over there..."
-Conan O'Brien</center>

[Ann]

Your dad is very funny!!!