real life ads - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

MootPoint · 06-11-2003, 02:24 PM

Real-Life Classified Ads
------------------------
2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings,
555-1234. Leave mess.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of
the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by
waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large
drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to
take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by
hand.

For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

2stop · 06-11-2003, 05:39 PM

LOL!!

SkyIsFalling42 · 06-11-2003, 06:11 PM

Debbie · 09-01-2003, 07:11 AM

A few more.....

These were from actual classified ads.

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG. BITES.
----------------------------------

FREE PUPPIES: Â½ COCKER SPANIEL
Â½ SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG.
-----------------------------

FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD,
PART STUPID DOG.
------------------------------

GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED.
SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
-------------------------------------

FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT.
BEEN OUT AWHILE...BETTER BE A REWARD.
-----------------------------------

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
----------------------------

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
-------------------------------

COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
-------------------------------

NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED,
CALL CHUBBY.
-------------------------------------

HUMMERS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER -
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
----------------------------------------

GEORGIA PEACHES,
CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
------------------------------------------

NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE.
-----------------------------------------
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 -- $9 PER HOUR.
-------------------------------------------

EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS
& BOX SPRINGS - $175.
-------------------------------------------

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
------------------------------------------
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.
-------------------------------------------

OPEN HOUSE: BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON.
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS.
--------------------------------------

AND THE BEST ONE:

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia
Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00
or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month.
Wife knows everything.

Chy · 09-05-2003, 09:32 PM

Oh my gosh! Hilarious!

06-11-2003, 02:24 PM	#1 (permalink)
MootPoint we're all mad here! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: a padded room with bars Posts: 1,683	real life ads Real-Life Classified Ads ------------------------ 2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess. Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy. Great Dames for sale. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. __________________ The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo. ---------Terry Pratchett

06-11-2003, 06:11 PM	#3 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	__________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

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06-11-2003, 05:39 PM	#2 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	LOL!!

09-01-2003, 07:11 AM	#4 (permalink)
Debbie I used to work here ;) Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :) Posts: 2,016	A few more..... These were from actual classified ads. FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG. BITES. ---------------------------------- FREE PUPPIES: Â½ COCKER SPANIEL Â½ SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG. ----------------------------- FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART STUPID DOG. ------------------------------ GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE. ------------------------------------- FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT. BEEN OUT AWHILE...BETTER BE A REWARD. ----------------------------------- 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer ---------------------------- SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS. ------------------------------- COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE. ------------------------------- NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY. ------------------------------------- HUMMERS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER - "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!" ---------------------------------------- GEORGIA PEACHES, CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb. ------------------------------------------ NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE. ----------------------------------------- TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 -- $9 PER HOUR. ------------------------------------------- EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175. ------------------------------------------- JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300. ------------------------------------------ ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER. ------------------------------------------- OPEN HOUSE: BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON. FREE COFFEE & DONUTS. -------------------------------------- AND THE BEST ONE: FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything.

09-05-2003, 09:32 PM	#5 (permalink)
Chy Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: El Paso, Tx Posts: 5,867	Oh my gosh! Hilarious!

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