The Lighter Side

[Wolfchild]

Bad luck
A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight." The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one." The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so upset?"
So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I'd like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn't believe this was happening, and I hadn't had a good meal in quite a while. I managed to nod my head yes, so she grabs my hand and starts walking out of the bar. This seemed just too good to be true."
He continued, "She took me down the street here to a nice hotel and up to her room. She said to relax, watch some TV, and that she would be ready to go down to the restaurant in a few minutes. But, as soon as I put my feet up and reclined my chair, I heard some keys jingling and someone starts fumbling with the door."
"The blonde says, 'Oh my god, it's my boyfriend. He must have lost his wrestling match tonight, he's gonna be real mad. Quick, hide!'"
"So, I opened the closet, but I figured that was probably the first place he would look, so I didn't hide there. Then I looked under the bed, but no, I figured he's bound to look there, too. By now, I could hear the key in the lock. I noticed the window was open, so I climbed out and was hanging there by my fingers, praying that the guy wouldn't see me."
The bartender says "Well I can see how you might be a bit frustrated at this point."
"Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get the door open and he yells out, 'Who you been with now, you witch?' The girl says, 'Nobody, honey, now calm down.'"
Well, the guy starts tearing up the room. I hear him tear the door off the closet and throw it across the room. I'm thinking, 'Boy, I'm glad I didn't hide in there.' Then I hear him lift up the bed and throw it across the room. Good thing I didn't hide under there either. Then I heard him say, 'What's that over there by the window?' I think, 'Oh God, I'm dead meat now.'
But, the blonde by now is trying real hard to distract him and convince him to stop looking. Well, I hear the guy go into the bathroom and I hear water running for a long time; I figure maybe he's gonna take a bath or something, when all of a sudden, the jerk pours a pitcher of scalding hot water out of the window right on top of my head. I mean, look at this, I got second degree burns all over my scalp and shoulders!"
The bartender says, "Oh man, that would have gotten me mad for sure." "No, that didn't really bother me. Next, the guy starts slamming the window shut over and over on my hands. I mean, look at my fingers. They're a bloody mess. I can hardly hold onto this glass."
The bartender looks at the guy's hands and says, "Yeah, buddy, I can understand why you are so upset."
"No, that wasn't what really got me so angry though."
The bartender then asks in exasperation, "Well, then, what did finally make you anger?"
"Well, I was hanging on the window, and I turned around and looked down--I was only about six inches off the ground."

[Wolfchild]

Free refills...
An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husband's sex drive. “What about trying Viagra?”, asks the doctor.
“Not a chance”, says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."
“No problem”, replies the doctor, “Drop one pill into his coffee, don’t worry, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on.”
A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went.
“Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor!”, exclaims Mrs. Murphy.
“What happened?”, the doctor asks.
“Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripped my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible!”
“What was terrible?”, asks the doctor, “was the sex not good?”
"Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again.”

[Wolfchild]

Safe driving
It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.
The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him, drove home and went to bed.
He was awakened in the morning by a loud knock at the door, created by two state troopers.
"Are you Mr. Johnson?" the asked.
He admitted that he was.
"Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?"
Again, the man admitted that was he.
"And what did you do then," the troopers asked."
The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed.
"Where is your car now?" the troopers inquired.
The man answered that it was in the garage.
"May we see the car?" asked the troopers.
The man answered, "Sure," and opened the garage.
Inside the garage was the state trooper’s car.

[Wolfchild]

Safe swimming...
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said, "The sharks got 'em all."

[Wolfchild]

Bear Skin
Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.
The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.
Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"

[Wolfchild]

A happy ending….
An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared.
The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office.
The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?"
The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and he went to the spinster's home for the meeting to discuss her estate and the will.
The lawyer's first question was, "Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your will?"
She replied, "Besides the furniture and accessories you see here, I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank."
"Tell me," the lawyer asked, "how would you like the $40,000 to be distributed?"
The spinster said, "Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to notice when I pass on. I'd like to provide $35,000 for my funeral."
The lawyer remarked, "Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression on anyone who may not have taken much note of you! But tell me," he continued, "what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?"
The spinster replied, "As you know, I've never married, I've lived alone almost my entire life, and in fact I've never slept with a man. Before I die, I'd like you to use the $5,000 to arrange for a man to sleep with me."
"This is a very unusual request," the lawyer said, adding, "but I'll see what I can do to arrange it and get back to you."
That evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the eccentric spinster and her weird request. After thinking about how much she could do around the house with $5,000 and with a bit of coaxing, she got her husband to agree to provide the service himself. She said, "I'll drive you over tomorrow morning, and wait in the car until you're finished."
The next morning, she drove him to the spinster's house and waited while he went into the house. She waited for over an hour, but her husband didn't come out. So she blew the car horn. Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck his head out and yelled, "Pick me up tomorrow, she's going to let the County bury her!"

[Wolfchild]

The final word...

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.”

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

The cop got out of his car and the kid he had stopped for speeding rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day”, the cop said. The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”.

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that read, Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?” The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrows final exam. Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever.” A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?” The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”

[Wolfchild]

Holiday in Pakistan...
This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come indo my humble shop."
So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex like a great desert camel."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.
The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"
The Pakistani man replied, "Just try dem on, Saiheeb."
Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years - raw sexual power.
In a blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Pakistani man, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, and ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Pakistani's thighs.
The Pakistani then began screaming, “YOU HAVE DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!”

[Wolfchild]

If Animals Could Talk...
Dog- "They keep putting the lid down on the big water bowl."
Goldfish- "Just because I have a three-second memory, they don't think I'll mind eating the same fish flakes over and over and over. Oh boy! Fish flakes!"
Dog- "Man, why do they keep rubbing my nose in it? I already KNOW whose it is!"
Goldfish- "The knight never comes out of the castle to fight me for dominion over the fish tank. So I must continue patrolling, for I am lord and master!"
Parrot- "Tease, tease, tease! But do those greedy clowns ever really give me a cracker? HELL NO!"
Cat- "Why are these people in my house?"
Dog- "I don't care if you take the jewelry or money, but don't mess with the fridge."
Goldfish- "Oh, tap-tap-tap! There's a new one!"
Cat- "I wish he would stop kicking me down the stairs."
Dog- "The 'pretending to throw a stick' game is getting old, but I seem unable to stop myself from looking for it."
Cat- "Why did they put this service bell on my neck if they're not going to answer to it."
Dog- "Why is the baby eating my food?"
Hamster- "Kill me, this wheel is boring."
Iguana- "Oh great, another day of being in this small little cage with my food bowl, my water and these damn annoying wood chips.”
Gerbil- "OH NO, not again!"
Dog- "I bet if he could do that, he wouldn't be telling me to stop."
Cat- "Oh no, he's picking me up to do another 'land on all fours off the balcony' test again."

[Wolfchild]

Lending a helping hand…
There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it down.The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, my alarm clock didn’t wake me, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to get my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And, when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

[Wolfchild]

Appearances can be deceiving…
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"
The bartender considers it, then agrees.
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?"
The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first.
The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog.
"Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale."
The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front.
"No," he insists, "he's not for sale."
The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash.
The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
"Are you insane?", the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!"
"Don't worry about it.", the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

[Wolfchild]

Once you’re hooked…
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman, "What about your hook"?
"Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!", remarked the seaman, "How did you get the eye patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?", the sailor asked incredulously.
"Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"

[Wolfchild]

Jumping to conclusions…
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal.
"I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy.
"Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.
"I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news."
"No, no. Take it," said the second guy, "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

[Wolfchild]

Using common sense…
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"
The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles."
The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.
"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"
The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."

[soizan]

ADULT TONGUE TWISTER

If a bra is an upper topper titty flopper stopper,

And a jock strap is a lower Decker pecker checker,

And a roll of toilet tissue is a super duper doody pooper scooper,

What do you call a Japanese drummer boy whose father has diarrhea?

A slap happy Jappy with a crap happy pappy.

[Wolfchild]

Muddled and befuddled…
The bartender asks a guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?"
The guy answers, "A scotch, please."
The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."
The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again."
The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!"
The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!"
The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."
To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch."

[Wolfchild]

Dog Day Afternoon….
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."
So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese."
The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."
The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese."
She says, "That's not creative enough."
Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."

[Wolfchild]

Trouble always comes in three's…
A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9.00.
"But I paid, don't you remember?", says the customer.
"Okay," says the bartender, "If you said you paid, you did."
The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid.
The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.
The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it."
After this the customer goes out into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.
The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose!"
"Don't bother me with your troubles," the patron responds, "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."

[Wolfchild]

Sitting down, but not shutting up...
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know ****?"

[Wolfchild]

Wrong place at the right time…
A construction worker walks into a bar. He's a rather large, menacing guy. He orders a beer, chugs it back, and bellows, "All you guys on this side of the bar are a bunch of idiots!" A sudden silence descends.
After a moment he asks "Anyone got a problem with that?" The silence lengthens.
He then chugs back another beer and growls, "And all you guys on the other side of the bar are all scum!"
Once again, the bar is silent.
He looks around belligerently and roars, "Anyone got a problem with that?".
A lone man gets up from his stool unsteadily and starts to walk towards the man.
"You got a problem, buddy?"
"Oh no, I'm just on the wrong side of the bar."

[Wolfchild]

One size fits all…
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized, "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

[Wolfchild]

Thinking On Your Feet...
There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a half head. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter.
The boy walked into the back room and said, "There's some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman wants to buy the other half."
The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"
The boy replied, "Canada sir."
"Oh really? Why did you leave Canada?" asked the manager.
The boy replied, "They're all just whores and hockey players up there."
"Really," replied the manager, "My wife is from Canada!"
The boy replied, "No kidding! What team did she play for?

[Wolfchild]

Woman's Little Instruction Book:
1. Woman don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself variety.
2. The best reason to divorce a man is for your health: you've gotten sick of him.
3. Definition of widowhood: the only good thing some women get out of marriage.
4. Always take disappointments like a man -- blame them on a woman.
5. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things, too.
6. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
7. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high.
8. Men are like buses -- they never appear when you want them to and when they do they're driven by someone who only has a learner's permit.
9. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
10. A man who can dress himself without looking like Homer Simpson is unquestionably gay.
11. Don't bother going to the chiropractor to get rid of a pain in the neck. Just divorce him.
12. Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every penny.
13. Husbands are like kids -- they're okay as long as they're someone else's.
14. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
15. Having more than one wife is bigamy; having more than one husband is pure insanity.
16. A man's idea of serious commitment is "Oh, all right, I'll stay the night".
17. Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the shower to pee.
18. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he already is.
19. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men -- a woman.
20. There are a lot of words you can use to describe a man -- strong, caring, loving -- they'd be wrong, but you could still use them.
21. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive, and potentially violent -- but they make great pets.
22. Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.
23. There are only 2 four-letter words that are offensive to men -- "don't" and "stop" -- unless, of course, they're said together.
24. Wait for the right man to come along, but in the meantime have some fun with the wrong ones.
25. Always remind your husband that the wages of sin is alimony.

[Wolfchild]

A hole in none....
A great Rabbi of a big city is a golf addict. He likes nothing more than playing golf on a warm sunny afternoon. Unfortunately, on shabbat, he has to restrain himself. This is a big dilemma for his morality, the temptation to play golf and the consciousness of doing wrong if he tries to do it on shabbat.
On a summer Saturday afternoon, his soul is in dire straits. He was never so tempted of playing golf. The sky is blue & the grass is green. Finally, with great self-reproach and bad consciousness, he yields to temptation. He puts a fake beard on, sun glasses, and goes to the course.
As he does this, the Lord is in the sky looking at him very angrily. The first Angel is at the Lord's side, protesting, "Lord, look at this great Rabbi who goes playing golf on shabbat! This is shameful! This is a disgrace! This is a scandal! You must do something!".
God, in cold rage, answers, "Oh, don't worry, you bet I will do something."
After a while, the Rabbi is about to hit the first ball. He raises his club, swings, and five hundred meters away, sends the ball directly into the hole!
The first Angel, astonished, looks at God and says, "What ... what are you doing? This is the great Rabbi, playing golf on shabbat, which is a terrible sin, and you let him make the best shoot he ever made?!?"
To which the Lord answers, "Yes, and to whom will he be telling it, eh?"

[soizan]

A little boy walks into his parents' room to
> see his mom
> on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom
> sees her son
> and quickly dismounts, worried about what her
> son has
> seen, she dresses quickly and goes to find him.
>
>
> The son sees his mom and asks, 'What were you
> and Dad doing?'
>
> The mother replies, 'Well, you know your dad
> has a
> big tummy and I sometimes have to get on top of
> it and help flatten
> it.'
>
> Your wasting your time,' said the
> boy.
> Why is that?' the mom asked puzzled.
>
> Well when you go shopping the lady next door
> comes
> over and gets on her knees and blows it right
> back up.'