snappy answers.......

[lostnalone95]

Snappy Answer #1

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to

check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand

for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed

her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see

your ticket, not your stub."





Snappy Answer #2

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the

grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her

family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any

bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."





Snappy Answer #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for

speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you

all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got

here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped

laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.





Snappy Answer #4

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign

comes up that reads "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it

the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under

the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police

car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around

to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,

"Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was

delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."



Snappy Answer #5

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single

agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced

travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to

the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and

said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST

CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to

try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and

I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The

unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind

him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without

hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address

microphone. "May I have your attention please," she began

her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a

passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If

anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate

14." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically

, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and

swore. "F*** you!" Without flinching, she smiled and said,

"I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that,

too."





And the VERY BEST snappy answer ....





Snappy Answer #6, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final

exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not

being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a

serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your

immediate family but that's it, no other excuses

whatsoever!" A smart-a$$ guy in the back of the room raised

his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I

was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its Best to stifle their laughter and

snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles

sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly

says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your

other hand.

[ccgirl]

I was at the gas station the other day and my cell phone rang while I was pumping gas. A guy at the next pump waited til I was done, then in a very higher than mighty voice said to me. "You know I read that talking on a cell phone while pumping gas could cause this whole station to blow up." I looked at Mr. Pompous and said glibly "That sure would suck for you." He just peeled out.



Another time this woman was beating her dog in the park and I worked for the Humane Society at the time and told her I was going to follow her home, get her address and report her. She told me to "kiss her ass" and I told her I didn't have all day. I looked up and my husband was GONE!

[TheGirlInside]

This good-looking guy came into the restaurant where I waitressed back in my youthful single days. He was sitting with a group of friends, and asked me out. I figured he was cute, so what the heck. I had to drive, he didn't have anything planned...no food, no movie, nothing. He had me drive him out to the woods (and here I was, thinking, "He must have something planned somewhere"), and expect me to "put out" right then and there! I was appalled, being a very shy and conservatively dressed person. I managed to trick him, and drove myself out of there, leaving him in the woods.

I was shocked, when a few days later, he showed up at the restaurant where I waitressed with the same group of friends as the week before. I was certain he would be too embarrassed to even talk to me, but he actually asked me out again! (I said to myself, "he's got to be f***ing kidding!"). So, I replied, "I'm Busy."
He stupidly asked, "Doing what?"
In front of his group, I said, "I'll think of something."


For being such a mousy person, that was bold of me.

[gimmeid]

Oh Yeah.....

(NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine
Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop
visiting
his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are
you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing,
canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible,
isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly
supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don' t you admit that this is a
terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching
them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become
violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a
prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended..
Gotta love the Marines

[lostnalone95]

i love jarheads!!!!!!!!!! lol i guess being an ex-squid i just have a soft spot for 'em and General Reinwald qualifies as priceless in my book!!!!! lol