Santa, pre-12 step program

[gimmeid]

deer santa:I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend,

BiLLy



Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write?

I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa



Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love,

Sarah



Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa


Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love,

Teddy



Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his a$$ constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?

Santa



Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love,

Francis



Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.

Santa



Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love,

Susan



Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the sh!ts and carrots make the deer f*rt in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.

Santa





Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend,

Thomas



Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the a$$es of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.

Santa

P.S.

Tell your mom she got the part.

Long Dong Claus



Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love,

Jessica



Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa



Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

Timmy



Timmy,

That whiney begging sh!t may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa


Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love,
Marky


Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your a$$ kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house; you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,
Santa

[MsPINKAcres]

Let me guess - Did "Bad Santa Billy Bob Thornton" write these letters?

This will definitely keep the therapist busy for the next 20 years!!!!!