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11-21-2006, 07:37 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Employment Exertion  Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: WV USA
Posts: 750
| Innocent things said and done.
>> >> Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words >> back...or that you could crawl into a hole? >> >> Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did.... >> >> >> >> >> >> FIRST TESTIMONY: >> >> >> >> >> >> I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and >> asked >> loudly, >> >> "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" >> >> I turned around and walked back out and never went back >> >> My husband didn't say a word...he knew better. >> >> >> >> >> >> SECOND TESTIMONY: >> >> >> >> >> >> I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. >> >> I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. >> >> After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-l >> ooking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. >> >> Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with >> men's balls." >> >> >> >> >> >> THIRD TESTIMONY: >> >> >> >> >> >> My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a >> variety >> of candy and nuts. >> >> As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked > if >> we needed any help. >> >> I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." >> >> My sister started to laugh hysterically. >> >> The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. >> >> To this day, my sister has never let me forget. >> >> >> >> >> >> FOURTH TESTIMONY: >> >> >> >> >> >> While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release > some >> pent-up energy and ran amok. >> >> I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust > and >> annoyance from other patrons. >> >> I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be >> punished. >> >> To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as >> threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that > I >> saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" >> >> The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the >> tellers stopped what they were doing. >> >> I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my >> daughter in tow. >> >> The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, >> were screams of laughter. >> >> >> >> >> >> FIFTH TESTIMONY: >> >> >> >> >> >> Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? >> >> My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was > on >> him constantly. >> >> One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. >> >> It was very busy, with a full dining room. >> >> While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I > checked >> my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. >> >> Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked > him >> if he needed to go, and he said "No". >> >> I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't >> have >> any clothes with me." >> >> Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" >> >> "No," he replied. >> >> I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was > getting >> worse. >> >> Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" >> >> This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, >> spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" >> >> While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly >> pulled up his pants and sat down. >> >> An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd >> ever had! >> >> >> >> >> >> LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: >> >> >> >> >> >> This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days >> >> and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, >> >> in the future, likely think before she speaks. >> >> What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! >> >> We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have >> snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: >> >> "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" >> >> Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they >> were >> laughing so hard! >> >> >> >> Now, didn't that feel good? >> >> and remember >> >> we all do & say things that are innocent.
__________________ We know from long experience that if [former prisoners] can’t find work, or a home, or help, they are much more likely to commit more crimes and return to prison. America is the land of the second chance. |
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11-24-2006, 11:24 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| In Recovery Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 248
|
I actually SAW that "Last but not Least" on a Bloopers TV show...it had me laughing for days, too.
__________________  KariNo Storm Can Shake my innermost calm while to that rock I'm clinging... Since Love is Lord o'er Heaven and Earth, How can I keep from Singing? -Enya (old Quaker hymn) |
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