5 levels of Hangovers

[Steve58]

I found this quite funny, having been there, but, at the same time, cant believe I would induce this myself.


> Five Levels of Hangovers
>
> One Star Hangover (*)
> No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well.
> However, you
> are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some
> reason, you
> are craving a steak & fries.
>
> Two Star Hangover (**)
> No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have
the
> mental
> capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your
> rumbling
> gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle
> House
> excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
>
> ; Three Star Hangover (***)
> Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
> Anytime a girl
> walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps
shots
> your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if
you
> were home in your
> bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3
iced
> teas and
> a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once.
>
> Four Star Hangover (****)
> Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you
> might puke.
> Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture
> for reeking
> of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only
> shaved one side
> of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while
riding
> the bump er cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair
hurts.
> Your ass is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five sh**s you take
> during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone
> who enters the bathroom.
>
> Five Star Hangover (*****)
> You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
> employee who sits
> in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you
dizzy.
> You still
> have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in
> an attempt to
> get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to
> generate spit so your
> tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the
> stranger was
> passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a
> fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented f luid with a rare 'Floater' thrown
> in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water
> all over your azz. Death sounds pretty good
> about right now...
> *****
> THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon
> *****
> THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> Specificity; British Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder; Loquacious;
> Transubstantiate
> *****
> THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK :
> 1.) Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
> 2.) Nope, no more booze for me.
> 3.) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
> 4.) Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.
> 5.) Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
> 6.) Sorry I'm being such a jackass.

[eire rose]

Steve,

This is hilarious, unfortunately 3,4 and 5 were the ones I experienced most....ugh



Rose

[BigSis]

...what!???

... THERE IS SOMETHING OTHER THAN A FIVE? !!!!

[HobbyHorse]

This made me laugh so hard - when I was still working, one of my staff was on the road - in stage five. Situation CRITICAL!!! He screeched into the fire lane of a Wal-Mart and did the "trouser chili running walk" into the store, grabbed a package of Hanes and hit the mens room.

He meant to flush his underwear....did not intend to flush his cell phone.

[michski]

Amazing to laugh about this.. but it in retrospect it's so damn funny! I remember the first time I heard someone share about shitting in their pants... I was so relieved to know it wasn't only a problem between me and my sphincter muscle!

Jeez, the stuff we went through eh?

For any of you still having a problem with that specific muscle please know the problem remedies itself with every day sober.

[GreenTea]

[Continues laughing out loud] ...

[GreenTea]

Oh thank you! ... -cough- -cough- ... I needed that so badly! ...

Between inadvertently soiling your underwear (and just what are the appropriate steps anyways?) and remembering which grade of hangover we used to deal with most... It is soooooo good to know that we are not alone!!!

Yeah, pretty insane what we used to make ourselves put up with, huh? ... Its funny because its so true, (and the pain fuels the laughter). I'm glad to know that others have experienced the same things I have -- it sort of "normalizes" it all for me, and adds perspective. I'm glad I don't have to go back to that.

You Are Not Alone!