Actual Sentences Found in Patients' Hospital Charts - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

margo · 09-19-2006, 11:41 PM

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

15. She is numb from her toes down.

16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

17. The skin was moist and dry.

18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

27. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. _______, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

best · 09-20-2006, 12:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by margo

20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

very long fingers I would guess?

21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

They do say that husbands can be a pain in the...

24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

John Holmes?

26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

A lawyer turned stock brocker?

31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
Seems many of us have such problems *LOL*

...

fraankie · 09-20-2006, 12:16 PM

lol

cwohio · 09-20-2006, 12:22 PM

Quote:

30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

oh my -

- i think i've seen some of those cruising the halls here at work!

margo · 09-20-2006, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cwohio

i think i've seen some of those cruising the halls here at work!

The idea of #20 is truly terrifying.

I love #7.

GreenTea · 09-21-2006, 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by margo

8. The patient refused autopsy.

Do they cut them up to find out what killed them, or do they do it to make sure that they STAY dead? ... It'd be pretty embarassing to have them wake up after the certificate has been signed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by margo

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

Must be the same doctor.

Quote:

Originally Posted by margo

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

Are you SURE? ... Perhaps a second opinion is in order.

Quote:

Originally Posted by margo

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

What DO they study in medical school?

Quote:

Originally Posted by margo

15. She is numb from her toes down.

Standing on her head, trying to get pregnant, right?

Quote:

Originally Posted by margo

17. The skin was moist and dry.

Hence the request for an autopsy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by margo

18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

And if you went to medical school, you'd understand what he means too!

Quote:

Originally Posted by margo

19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Or does he just take a long time before he answers?

Quote:

Originally Posted by margo

20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

Maybe he had the diagram upside down?

Quote:

Originally Posted by margo

26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

Alternative medicine.

09-19-2006, 11:41 PM	#1 (permalink)
margo Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia Posts: 1,727	Actual Sentences Found in Patients' Hospital Charts 1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission. 7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 8. The patient refused autopsy. 9. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. 14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up. 15. She is numb from her toes down. 16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. 17. The skin was moist and dry. 18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 19. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. 27. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. _______, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. __________________ Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while a great wind is bearing me across the sky. ~Ojibwe saying~

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09-20-2006, 12:16 PM	#3 (permalink)
fraankie Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: brooklyn, new york Posts: 1,395	lol

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