For old times sake... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

**historyteach** · 05-13-2006, 06:09 PM

Well, I gotta say something here.

I KNOW that there are two times with the highest relapse rate -- 6 months and 5 years. Don't ask me why; the smoke cessation counselor told us that, and he knew his stuff. I didn't question it.

Anyway, I am coming up on six months. And I'll tell ya, I'm really thinking about cigarettes lately. You know, the "just one time" thinking. What will ONE cigarette do? I know I can quit...I've done it for 6 months so, just one won't hurt.

Well, just one WILL hurt. I've been down this road so many times. Actually, this is the first time I've made it this long. But, the "just ones" ALWAYS end up in 2 packs a day again! EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!

The nicodemon is working overtime right now, trying to convince me that I can have one more...for old times sake. It is romanticising cigarettes in my mind. Making them appealing..friendly..inviting.

I WILL NOT SMOKE!!!
Just for today.
I'll keep doing the next right thing....until that nicodemon is gone from my head for good! Cuz, one thing I do know for sure....
I don't EVER want to quit again!!!! That is just too dang hard! :andy:

I am now Five months, two weeks, 14 hours, 9 minutes and 23 seconds smoke free. That's 6623 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,821.03. Life saved: 3 weeks, 1 day, 23 hours, 55 minutes.

Shalom!

Justme57 · 05-13-2006, 06:12 PM

Isn't that true Teach LOL

I have had a bit of health related stress the last couple of weeks, and the thought has crossed my mind too, but I am kinda treating it in the AA way, its the first ciggy that does the damage

I now have 2 M1W4D

HUGX
Lee

**historyteach** · 05-13-2006, 06:18 PM

Thanks, Lee,
Tonight, it took me by surprise with the strength of the appeal. Oh, I just wanted one!!! I could SMELL it, almost...
Gee, ya think that would be a turn off -- but, I just had this viscereal desire for my old murderous friend.

This too shall pass...as long as I do the next right thing!

Shalom!

namommy · 05-13-2006, 08:41 PM

Hang in there teach, don't let it get the best of you. You are right "This too shall pass". Once you get past the hurdle, you will be so proud of yourself. It's worth it.

Autumn · 05-13-2006, 11:05 PM

Hi History Teach.... congrats on your "smober" time, as JustMe put it (too cute).

I must say I agree with your cessation counselor on the 6 month relapse thing, 'cause it happened to me twice at 6 months.

The difference between you and I though, is that I wasn't actively pursuing a support program, and you are. I think things would have been different for me if I had. I am now, since I learned my lesson.

I have faith that you will get past this 6 month mark just fine. Re-read all the stuff you have written here, stay excited about your progress, and keep reminding yourself of the horrible things nicotine does (did) to us.

I like to remind myself that I never know which smoke will be the one to pull the trigger to cause my death. You know.... heart attack, that first cancer cell, stroke, etc.

No rationalizing allowed!

**BigSis** · 05-13-2006, 11:30 PM

I have a coworker who smokes one cigarette a month... he has done that for over 15 years.

Can you imagine? I can't. It sounds like TORTURE to me!

He says, he marks the date on his calendar - it is always a Tuesday - and then looks forward to an evening walk (even in the rain!) and this one cigarette. He says it is THE ONLY way he could do it.

The allure of nicotine is amazing. I still stand downwind of the smokers.... and now, with the new ban on indoor smoking in Washington State... I actually follow them 25 feet from the doorway to get down wind. I really like the smell when they first light up... but, like the smell of coffee grounds when you open the can, the actually coffee tastes NOTHING like the smell... same with the ciggies.... I REMEMBER that burning, hot feeling in the back of my throat when I smoked too much, the nasty color of my teeth and the little bit of yellow on my fingers and upper lip.

I remember to play that tape ALL the way through, Teach, and don't stop at the FIRST puff, but watch it to the point I was before I quit...... up to three packs a day as I tried lower tar and nicotene cigarettes.

Insane.

Sending you prayers for strength and clarity.... ((((Teach))))

**margo** · 05-13-2006, 11:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by historyteach

I just had this viscereal desire for my old murderous friend.

I hear ya ((((((Debbie)))))) You hang on to your smober time with both hands and don't let go. And while you're holding on, read through this again:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...pse-77651.html

This too shall pass!

Lavender · 05-15-2006, 05:39 AM

((((((((Teach))))))))
I have almost made it through the dreaded 6 month anniversary. I smelled on the other day and it really turned my stomach, I think I have finally turned a corner with this addiction and I plan on never returning to that path.
Best wishes and remember, post before you puff!
Thanks.

jlo34 · 05-15-2006, 06:29 AM

Teach,
Thanks for your support and others here, I've made it 55 days today!!!

I know with sobriety, the monthly anniversaries are difficult (if you put too much weight into them). Especially 6 months, and the years. Keep yourself in today and today only. You can't make it to 6 months if you don't do it today, anyway!!! Keep fresh in your mind the reasons why you quit, how you felt. I have a very vivid picture of my 9 year old's face...when I lit up....when I told her I quit. Two very different faces, I tell you. That's my visual reminder!

When times get really tough for me with "wanting" a smoke, I talk about it with other non-smokers (my non-smoking sponsor is a GREAT help), I pray about it, I ask my HP to remove my thoughts, desires, obsession and anything else related to how I'm feeling about wanting to smoke at that minute, and then I begin chanting over and over "I don't want to smoke". May seem kinda silly, but I tell you, it sure has worked for me. I can't believe that through all this emotional turmoil I've gone through since I've quit, that I've been basically ok. Plus, I've been an inspiration (imagine that!!!) for other smokers in my AA group to cross over into wanting to be a non-smoker too. Oh yes, then there's the Icebreaker Sours too!!! I always have a tin with me. I forgot a couple of times and couldn't believe it. I'm starting to rely less on that.

You can do it, Teach. I know you can - your HP will help you, just ask.
Hugs, thoughts and prayers,
Jen

PlanoTexican · 05-15-2006, 07:32 AM

Teach,

Remember you are sitting in the no smoking section, no smoking allowed, not even one puff (smile).

Kampar · 05-21-2006, 06:33 PM

Weird, I am coming up on 6 months now and have had major cravings lately. They are impulsive cravings but in the back of my mind I don't think I could ever do it again. I just see people standing in the middle of the parkting lot smoking looking nervous etc and I dont think I could ever be like them again.

**historyteach** · 05-22-2006, 05:23 AM

We can't unknow that which we know.

Thanks everyone! I'm still clean but the craving still hit me hard when they come. My brother left his cigars at my mom's house the other day. My sis told me where she was putting them, in case he came back for them. I told her to put them somewhere where I don't know where they are! I don't WANT that temptation!

I continue to keep doing the next right thing. It's helping.
And your continued support is helping too. Thank you so very much!!
Life is a bit hectic right now. I've got end of the year stuff; exams; report cards; and my mom just got home from FL a bit over a week ago, so, I'm down there in Newport quite a bit. Lots happening....And I've got to just keep going forward doing the next right thing....

Shalom!

PlanoTexican · 05-23-2006, 06:54 PM

What a vision, Teach smoking a big ole cigar (smile).

**historyteach** · 05-23-2006, 07:46 PM

No, actually, they are the thin ones that smell really really good!

Sorry to spoil the vision,

Shalom!

Lunkker · 05-25-2006, 02:06 AM

I've been quit for a couple of months, and that same thought keeps recurring to me, just one won't hurt... But I know it will and I won't give in. Just like alcohol, just one smoke and I'll be right back to a pack a day in no time.

I've come too far and suffered to much to give in now!

OneLady · 06-03-2006, 02:50 PM

I sure hate to hear about the 6 month and the 5 year relapse rate. I thought I was on smooth sailing. Thanks for the info, so I can be prepared. I too can not quit again. This was the hardest thing I have ever done in my ENTIRE life. Good for you Teach, it's only one day at a time.

05-13-2006, 06:09 PM	#1 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: centered again Posts: 8,073	For old times sake... Well, I gotta say something here. I KNOW that there are two times with the highest relapse rate -- 6 months and 5 years. Don't ask me why; the smoke cessation counselor told us that, and he knew his stuff. I didn't question it. Anyway, I am coming up on six months. And I'll tell ya, I'm really thinking about cigarettes lately. You know, the "just one time" thinking. What will ONE cigarette do? I know I can quit...I've done it for 6 months so, just one won't hurt. Well, just one WILL hurt. I've been down this road so many times. Actually, this is the first time I've made it this long. But, the "just ones" ALWAYS end up in 2 packs a day again! EVERY SINGLE TIME!!! The nicodemon is working overtime right now, trying to convince me that I can have one more...for old times sake. It is romanticising cigarettes in my mind. Making them appealing..friendly..inviting. I WILL NOT SMOKE!!! Just for today. I'll keep doing the next right thing....until that nicodemon is gone from my head for good! Cuz, one thing I do know for sure.... I don't EVER want to quit again!!!! That is just too dang hard! :andy: I am now Five months, two weeks, 14 hours, 9 minutes and 23 seconds smoke free. That's 6623 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,821.03. Life saved: 3 weeks, 1 day, 23 hours, 55 minutes. Shalom! __________________

05-13-2006, 06:12 PM	#2 (permalink)
Justme57 Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Melbourne victoria Posts: 1,980 Blog Entries: 7	Isn't that true Teach LOL I have had a bit of health related stress the last couple of weeks, and the thought has crossed my mind too, but I am kinda treating it in the AA way, its the first ciggy that does the damage I now have 2 M1W4D HUGX Lee __________________

05-13-2006, 06:18 PM	#3 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: centered again Posts: 8,073	Thanks, Lee, Tonight, it took me by surprise with the strength of the appeal. Oh, I just wanted one!!! I could SMELL it, almost... Gee, ya think that would be a turn off -- but, I just had this viscereal desire for my old murderous friend. This too shall pass...as long as I do the next right thing! Shalom! __________________

05-13-2006, 08:41 PM	#4 (permalink)
namommy Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Never, Never land Posts: 2,711	Hang in there teach, don't let it get the best of you. You are right "This too shall pass". Once you get past the hurdle, you will be so proud of yourself. It's worth it. __________________ I came into this program to save my a** and found out it was attached to my soul. --Anonymous

05-13-2006, 11:30 PM	#6 (permalink)
BigSis On a tear Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Volcano Country! Posts: 3,164	I have a coworker who smokes one cigarette a month... he has done that for over 15 years. Can you imagine? I can't. It sounds like TORTURE to me! He says, he marks the date on his calendar - it is always a Tuesday - and then looks forward to an evening walk (even in the rain!) and this one cigarette. He says it is THE ONLY way he could do it. The allure of nicotine is amazing. I still stand downwind of the smokers.... and now, with the new ban on indoor smoking in Washington State... I actually follow them 25 feet from the doorway to get down wind. I really like the smell when they first light up... but, like the smell of coffee grounds when you open the can, the actually coffee tastes NOTHING like the smell... same with the ciggies.... I REMEMBER that burning, hot feeling in the back of my throat when I smoked too much, the nasty color of my teeth and the little bit of yellow on my fingers and upper lip. I remember to play that tape ALL the way through, Teach, and don't stop at the FIRST puff, but watch it to the point I was before I quit...... up to three packs a day as I tried lower tar and nicotene cigarettes. Insane. Sending you prayers for strength and clarity.... ((((Teach)))) __________________ No matter how spoiled the past may be, our future is spotless.... BigSis

05-13-2006, 11:05 PM	#5 (permalink)
Autumn alconaut Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Motor City Posts: 750	Hi History Teach.... congrats on your "smober" time, as JustMe put it (too cute). I must say I agree with your cessation counselor on the 6 month relapse thing, 'cause it happened to me twice at 6 months. The difference between you and I though, is that I wasn't actively pursuing a support program, and you are. I think things would have been different for me if I had. I am now, since I learned my lesson. I have faith that you will get past this 6 month mark just fine. Re-read all the stuff you have written here, stay excited about your progress, and keep reminding yourself of the horrible things nicotine does (did) to us. I like to remind myself that I never know which smoke will be the one to pull the trigger to cause my death. You know.... heart attack, that first cancer cell, stroke, etc. No rationalizing allowed!

05-15-2006, 05:39 AM	#8 (permalink)
Lavender Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: PA Posts: 40	((((((((Teach)))))))) I have almost made it through the dreaded 6 month anniversary. I smelled on the other day and it really turned my stomach, I think I have finally turned a corner with this addiction and I plan on never returning to that path. Best wishes and remember, post before you puff! Thanks. __________________ If you're going through Hell, just keep going.

05-15-2006, 06:29 AM	#9 (permalink)
jlo34 Grateful recovering alcoholic Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Blissfield, MI Posts: 816	Teach, Thanks for your support and others here, I've made it 55 days today!!! I know with sobriety, the monthly anniversaries are difficult (if you put too much weight into them). Especially 6 months, and the years. Keep yourself in today and today only. You can't make it to 6 months if you don't do it today, anyway!!! Keep fresh in your mind the reasons why you quit, how you felt. I have a very vivid picture of my 9 year old's face...when I lit up....when I told her I quit. Two very different faces, I tell you. That's my visual reminder! When times get really tough for me with "wanting" a smoke, I talk about it with other non-smokers (my non-smoking sponsor is a GREAT help), I pray about it, I ask my HP to remove my thoughts, desires, obsession and anything else related to how I'm feeling about wanting to smoke at that minute, and then I begin chanting over and over "I don't want to smoke". May seem kinda silly, but I tell you, it sure has worked for me. I can't believe that through all this emotional turmoil I've gone through since I've quit, that I've been basically ok. Plus, I've been an inspiration (imagine that!!!) for other smokers in my AA group to cross over into wanting to be a non-smoker too. Oh yes, then there's the Icebreaker Sours too!!! I always have a tin with me. I forgot a couple of times and couldn't believe it. I'm starting to rely less on that. You can do it, Teach. I know you can - your HP will help you, just ask. Hugs, thoughts and prayers, Jen

05-15-2006, 07:32 AM	#10 (permalink)
PlanoTexican Support our Troops. Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Republic Of Texas Posts: 453	Teach, Remember you are sitting in the no smoking section, no smoking allowed, not even one puff (smile). __________________ Doing the right thing, when no one else is looking. -Bob Hook 'em 'Horns

05-21-2006, 06:33 PM	#11 (permalink)
Kampar Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Chicago, Il Posts: 8	Weird, I am coming up on 6 months now and have had major cravings lately. They are impulsive cravings but in the back of my mind I don't think I could ever do it again. I just see people standing in the middle of the parkting lot smoking looking nervous etc and I dont think I could ever be like them again.

05-22-2006, 05:23 AM	#12 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: centered again Posts: 8,073	We can't unknow that which we know. Thanks everyone! I'm still clean but the craving still hit me hard when they come. My brother left his cigars at my mom's house the other day. My sis told me where she was putting them, in case he came back for them. I told her to put them somewhere where I don't know where they are! I don't WANT that temptation! I continue to keep doing the next right thing. It's helping. And your continued support is helping too. Thank you so very much!! Life is a bit hectic right now. I've got end of the year stuff; exams; report cards; and my mom just got home from FL a bit over a week ago, so, I'm down there in Newport quite a bit. Lots happening....And I've got to just keep going forward doing the next right thing.... Shalom! __________________

05-23-2006, 06:54 PM	#13 (permalink)
PlanoTexican Support our Troops. Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Republic Of Texas Posts: 453	What a vision, Teach smoking a big ole cigar (smile). __________________ Doing the right thing, when no one else is looking. -Bob Hook 'em 'Horns

05-23-2006, 07:46 PM	#14 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: centered again Posts: 8,073	No, actually, they are the thin ones that smell really really good! Sorry to spoil the vision, Shalom! __________________

05-25-2006, 02:06 AM	#15 (permalink)
Lunkker duck amuck Join Date: May 2006 Location: SoCal Posts: 28	I've been quit for a couple of months, and that same thought keeps recurring to me, just one won't hurt... But I know it will and I won't give in. Just like alcohol, just one smoke and I'll be right back to a pack a day in no time. I've come too far and suffered to much to give in now! __________________ "I used to be with it, but then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems weird and scary." - Grandpa Simpson

06-03-2006, 02:50 PM	#16 (permalink)
OneLady Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Mansfield, Tx. Posts: 151	I sure hate to hear about the 6 month and the 5 year relapse rate. I thought I was on smooth sailing. Thanks for the info, so I can be prepared. I too can not quit again. This was the hardest thing I have ever done in my ENTIRE life. Good for you Teach, it's only one day at a time. __________________ sobriety date 11/6/04 smobriety date 2/19/06 1L

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