here we go again!!!

[jlo34]

How many times have I tried to quit smoking? Each time getting harder and harder for less and less time!! I have a well-educated 9 year old that gives me the most awful, horrible, painful look anytime she sees me light up a cigarette. I told her Sunday that I had been smoke-free since Friday night. Did well Saturday, even after receiving papers about going to Friend of the Court. Didn't smoke. So I told her Sunday that I hadn't smoked. She confided in me that she and gramma (my mother) have been praying for me to quit for many years. Ok, lets break the heart a bit.

Sunday night, I'm on the phone, been chanting to myself all day that I DON'T WANT TO SMOKE...I smoked 2 cigarettes. I didn't really want to...I let my frickin' brain trick me into it. So last night, I finished the last 2 cigarettes. Didn't really want those either...but I smoked them. The last one tasted really awful.

Do you think I'm thinking of how awful that last one was? Or how sick I've been feeling from smoking so much? Or how nasty I smell? Nope, I'm trying to talk myself into getting another pack of smokes!!! Had to tell on myself.

I want to see that beautiful smile I saw on my daughter's face with how proud she was of me that I hadn't smoked. The look on her face was more precious than any gift I could have ever given her. I'm trying to keep that in mind, chanting, and talking/begging my HP for a break here!! He's actually doing a pretty good job, it's me that's not!!

Jen

[CAPTAINZING2000]

J LO

you was one of the first people I got to be friends with on here sorry bout your strugle

I quit by the signs

Farmer's Almanac
• March dates to Quit a Habit or Smoking 14, 15, 20-22, 25, 26

I believe in this. Except for a brief period last summer, I'd gave up smoking cigarettes for 4 years or so.

[historyteach]

jlo;

I'm sorry this is such a struggle for you.
What could you have done differently when you smoked those cigarettes? Smoking is 90% behavior and 10% addiction. We need to work on changing the negative smoking behaviors to positive healthy behaviors.

And read the quit tip I posted. That helped me. I went to a smoke cessation group. I didn't realize that the group itself upped the chances of success. Makes sense, though. Accountablity. That's why this forum is so important to me too.

Also, I used the patch and zyban. I also used the gum when I was in the car. That really produced a huge urge for me, getting into the car. My point is, you don't have to be a "hero" with a cold turkey quit. These aids are helpful to many. In fact, I never even used the last batch of patches. Never touched the lowest dose at all. I forgot for 5 days in a row, and never reintroduced it into my system again. The obsession had stopped, because I learned new behaviors.

You can do this. And we are here for you! All the way!

Shalom!

[jlo34]

Thanks guys. Probably my billionth attempt at quitting. There's a bunch of us in my AA group (mainly women) trying to quit within this and next month. I was the first one to start.

Evening is the worst time for me...don't get me wrong...none of it is great, but from dinnerish time to bed time is the absolute worst. I don't know what to do with myself...I can't seem to get my mind/body busied enough not to notice. I slept most of the day Saturday, which usually happens when I quit the first day or two. Slept about half the day Sunday, then smoked Sunday night!!!!!! Then again Monday night!!!! Only two - justification, I'm beating the crap out of myself. I thought this time would be different. I'm letting my thinking get the best of me again. I don't have any left now and as stupid as it sounds, I'm doing just about everything to NOT buy more.

I really DO want to be free from this...I just really miss my emotional crutch, my stress reliever, my friend that's always been there for every crisis, pain, stressful moment, anxiety - seen me through everything the past 17 years of my life. Thank God I didn't drink that long!!!

I've tried the gum. Tried the lozenges. Can't do patches due to latex allergy. Trying again with the help of wellbutrin. Started taking that Wednesday I think to give me a bit of a boost. Gum and lozenges I start out with ok...but then, I'm using it constantly! At least with the wellbutrin I can try to boost my mood while trying to quit smoking. Not feeling to boosted right now. Very emotional, trying to have a wah wah party for myself. I'm really disappointed that I already broke my promise to myself, God, my mother and my daughter. Feel like a bit of a failure.

I believe if I could just make it through at least a week without any cigarettes I'd be well on my way. It's this first week that just really stinks and I rarely make it more than a few days. I usually give up. I'm still praying though and I know my mom and daughter are praying too.

I proved it to myself that I could make it through some stressful stuff already without smoking. I just need to use the AA steps and principles and turn it over and keep praying. Just as with drinking though (only a whole lot faster); the longer I'm stopped (which hasn't been long!!), the easier and easier it is to forget the pain and bondage that this crap has on me and the easier it is to talk myself right back into it. Justification, man, I sure can justify anything!

Ok, I'm done ranting for the moment. Trying not to freak my girls out, cause I've been bawling like a baby the past 1/2 hour or so.

Jen

[CAPTAINZING2000]

you can do this. Stay focused. Stay busy, figure out your triggers keep the hands busy. look at your kid's eyse and know you're doing it for them

[margo]

(((((((Jen))))))) I understand the pain you are feeling - every time I tried to quit and then started smoking again I would hate myself for it and feel so guilty. Just keep trying, Jen, and it's eventually going to stick. Try to think of all that you are going to gain by quitting, not what you are losing. I also used to look at cigarettes like a friend - been with me for years through so many things - birth and death and love and loss. They're not a friend, though - they rob you of your life, your health, your energy, your joy. Sometimes writing a goodbye letter to cigarettes can be really helpful. Write a list of all the reasons you want to quit, no matter how trivial, and all the reasons you still want to smoke - I guarantee you the reasons to quit will make a much longer list. There is a lot of fear that comes with thinking about quitting, which can include: I fear how I will feel, I fear how I will get through this or that situation without cigarettes, I fear how life will be as a nonsmoker, I fear I'll fail, I fear my life won't be the same, and on and on. Write down your fears and address each one. I can tell you that the fear that comes with thinking about quitting is much bigger than the reality of actually doing it. And remember you only do this one day at a time, or one minute, or one second. Tell yourself you can get through the next minute without a cigarette. Remember that it won't always be that hard. In the meantime, take a read through some of the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum - there's some good reading there. And most of all, be gentle with yourself - this is a hard addiction to overcome, but you can do it, Jen, and you are worth it.

[jlo34]

Thanks again guys for the support. It really frustrates me to feel and know how weak I really am, how truly powerless I am, as a person.

My life is frickin' unmanagable. I use any and every excuse to smoke. Heck, I'll even make up excuses to smoke. I find myself justifying (and catching myself in doing so) why I'm smoking. Or, am I REALLY doing THIS as yet another excuse to smoke?!?!

I love exercising, being outside: but those have all been my binge smoke sessions! So, I feel kinda trapped at home and inside. Which, is really hard. I really love being outside and walking; imagine being able to walk without sucking down 1/2 pack!!! What a concept. May actually get some GOOD benefit out of walking!!

FEAR inventory - that's a good one. I think I'll take you up on it. Got so much going on in my life right now and just not real sure how to process much of it. A lot of it is out of my hands. I cancelled a pain procedure I was suppose to have done tomorrow, because I'm scared to death of having it done. I'm afraid of the pain and the complications/side effects. So, I called my PT guy and he's scheduled me for PT tomorrow morning...during my AA home group, which I missed also today, due to a speaking engagement at my daughter's school. Boy, I really need a meeting, course my home group is a smoking group..but I REALLY am ok there in the mornings. I don't know. Considered postponing PT to next week, that's the next available opening.

Hmmmm....gratitude list and fear inventory. More prayer. Easing up on myself. Concepts, definitely concepts....man, I still really want to go to the gas station around the corner and buy a pack. But, not tonight. My hubby is at his fire meeting and I have one child bedded down and working on number 2! By the time hubby gets home all the stores in the village will be closed (1/2 hour more to go!!!).

Sanity. Writing sure helps with some of that and helps me sort out what's going on in my brain.

Again thanks for the great suggestions, I'll work on those either tonight or tomorrow.

Bye for now (until my next emotional upheavel)!!
Jen

[CAPTAINZING2000]

same concept as not drinking. Both of them will kill us

[CAPTAINZING2000]

J Lo


hope you were able to resist the temptation !!!

[jlo34]

Still smoke free and eating "sours" like they're going out of style. Lots of salad. Trying to keep my hands and brain busy. Went to my (AA) home group this AM and saw an ole friend of mine that's been smoke-free for 15ish years. He had a big part in helping me get sober as well. He has offered (ok, informed me) that he is my non-smoking sponsor and to call him before I pick up!

I've been having a really hard time sleeping. Horrible nightmares, vivid dreams, inability to stay asleep. Only seem to be able to sleep for a few hours. Anyway, day #2 (again). Prayer, prayer and more prayer. Chant chant chant...I don't want to smoke today or right now (feels like such a lie though!).

Ok, done for now.
Thanks,
Jen

Oh, and one of my sponsors decided to join me today in my quest for being smoke-free!!! My other sponsor is planning on joining us in a few more weeks (after her son's wedding). Maybe we can start up a support group!?!? Hmmm.

[margo]

(((((Jen!))))) Good for you! Keep it up, just one minute at a time if necessary - you can do it! It's going to be really helpful for you to have the added support of your friends, too.

Here's a list of some of nicotine withdrawal symptoms:

Nicotine withdrawal is usually worst in the first 24-48 hours of quitting. Few people experience all the symptoms and they don't all happen at once. The symptoms you might experience are a normal and expected part of quitting smoking. The symptoms will gradually decline in intensity and the worst is usually over after a couple of weeks.

Withdrawal is your body's response to ridding itself of dependence on nicotine. Some people think of the withdrawal as 'recovery symptoms'. After about two weeks 'recovery symptoms' should be gone. If you have a moderate or high level of nicotine dependence and expect withdrawals, using nicotine replacement therapy (NRT) is a smart move. The fact sheet Products to help you quit smoking has more information.

It's a good idea to let some of your family, friends and workmates know what you're going through, that way they can support you.

Some of the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal you may experience are:

Irritability and anxiety
Feelings of irritability or anxiety may be experienced as your body adjusts to being without nicotine. It's common to feel anxious when you make a big change in your life.

To counter this effect, reduce the amount of stress in your life in the first two weeks of your quit attempt. Do things that relax you while you're quitting. If you only have time for a short break, then a brief walk and change of environment may help.

Difficulty concentrating
The physical changes that are happening in your body and the cravings for a cigarette may make it more difficult to concentrate. Your body is now receiving more oxygen and will adjust to this in a few days. Complete your tasks or activities in small 'bite-size' chunks. You can do this by taking regular breaks and doing something active during those breaks. Your concentration levels will return to normal in a few weeks time.

Restlessness
Some people feel as though they can't sit still and that they need to move about or do something with their hands. Use this restlessness in a positive way by doing some physical activity that you enjoy.

As your body is removing nicotine it is able to absorb more caffeine. It may be helpful to reduce your intake of tea, coffee and cola drinks by half. Read the labels on chocolate bars and energy drinks as some of these items also contain caffeine. An increase in caffeine levels may add to your feelings of restlessness or insomnia.

Problems falling asleep or frequent waking
Your sleep patterns may be affected as your body withdraws from nicotine. This should ease after about a week. Some people report having unusual or strong dreams, others find that they sleep better. Do something that you find relaxing before you go to bed.

Craving for tobacco
Some people think of cravings as 'desires' for a cigarette. Cravings are normal and expected. They last only a few minutes and have a beginning, middle and an end. As time passes your cravings will be less intense, shorter and happen less often. You may like to think of cravings as a 'time limited desires'. Some people keep a diary to document how they feel, including the frequency and intensity of their cravings. This can help to demonstrate that things are improving.

Tingling sensations and dizziness
Some of the aches and pains you experience are signs that your circulation is improving. This is because more of your smaller blood vessels are opening up and your body is adapting to having more oxygen. Tingling in your fingers and toes and dizziness show that the blood circulating through your body has more oxygen in it.

Coughing
Coughing means that your lungs are getting rid of tar and mucus. Try to think of coughing as your lungs now working better to clean themselves.

Appetite changes
Some people start to feel more hungry once they have quit smoking. This is because nicotine has been reducing their appetite while they have been smoking. You may find that you develop a 'sweet tooth'. It may be helpful to take glucose, which is low in kilojoules and may help to satisfy the desire for sweet foods, without resorting to that extra helping of chocolate cake or ice-cream that can add to your body weight. Glucose is available in liquid or tablet form from pharmacies. Diabetics should consult their doctor before using any product containing sugars.

Stomach problems
Some people find that once they stop smoking their bowel habits change. This is a normal symptom of quitting smoking because your body's metabolism is no longer driven by nicotine, so constipation may occur. Increasing your daily intake of fibre-rich foods and water, and doing some enjoyable physical activity may help to relieve constipation. Some people benefit from using gentle fibre-based products for the first couple of weeks. Discuss this with your doctor or pharmacist. Your body will soon adjust to doing without nicotine.

A final note
Coping with nicotine withdrawal is a challenge, especially in the first few days. The long-term benefits of quitting will definitely outweigh the short-term difficulties. Stay positive and be kind to yourself while you're experiencing 'recovery symptoms'.


I've heard some people who quit find it very helpful to do Steps 1, 2, and 3 - just substitute alcohol/drugs with cigarettes/nictotine.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

My mother smoked non filtered cigs. for many years. She's now on oxygen. Hell of a way to spend the golden years

[jlo34]

Yea, I don't want to spend my life strapped to an oxygen bottle. I don't want to gasp for life/breath because all of the alveoli in my lungs are ruined. I don't want to take a break every word or two to gasp for air before I can continue speaking.

All that said, I'm really trying to stay busy again. In that "hard" time right now. Margo, thanks for all the withdrawals...kinda funny, experiencing most of them...some just the opposite!!! Instead of an increased appetite, decreased (what a blessing!!) and the chocolate part, oh my!!! There is NO chocolate safe around me!!! I've reduced myself to bags (yep, plural) of baking chocolates! None of that wrapper crap to slow me down!!!

I'm really hating the horrible sleep. Hoping that doesn't take too long to get back to normal. When I went for alcohol treatment, it took me nearly 2 months to get my normal sleep patterns back. I've only had 6ish hours of sleep the last couple of days. The nightmares are nothing to write home about either.

Might do some cleaning tonight or sewing or something...not quite sure what yet. Time to snuggle my babies though until bedtime. Only 1 hour left till they go to sleepy-land. Then the real battle begins (again).

All for now. Please keep the support up, I sure need it and appreciate it...probably be checking back in in a few hours...
Jen

[jlo34]

Alright!!! I made it!!! Day 3 underway!!! Now I'm starting to get "cautiously" excited!

Jen

[margo]

Well done, Jen - I knew you could do it! First three days are tough, it starts to get a bit better each day after that. Don't forget to post each morning on the daily check in thread. I am very proud of you!

[jlo34]

Thanks Margo. This is the longest I've been nicotine free since I was pregnant with my baby (who'll be 4 pretty soon!!). Not sure if it was the coffee at the meeting this AM or what, but I feel like I'm bursting at my seams with energy today. I actually WANT to RUN!!! Figure maybe I'll strap the skates on and roll with the kids today. Little one gets the bike, big one gets the scooter, and I get the skates (while praying NOT TO FALL!!!).

Jen

[CAPTAINZING2000]

How you doing now kid?

Hope it's smkoke free!!

[jlo34]

Itch *itch * itch * itch...

Thinking about it...a bit preoccupied right now though...have allergy to latex...didn't realize washing the kids' tights would cause such a break out. Swelling and itching...but ok.

Did pretty well this afternoon. Even did well outside playing with the kids. Crossed my mind more than once...but quickly did the chant thing and sent some prayers up. Not dwelling on it as LONG as I had been, which is good. Not quite as bad of a fight tonight, yet. Course, my hands are pretty busy right now with itchin'!!!

Sure was nice today not to have to take "wind breaks" you know, to get the right block for the wind to light the cigarette with! Also was really nice not to see the pained look on my eldest's face. Pretty nice not smelling that stenchiness in my hair OR on my clothes too!!!

Working on that gratitude list!!!!
Jen

[namommy]

I'm new here, but not new to recovery. Keep going.

I have 5 days today and I'm loving it. I love the fact that I can smell my perfume longer.

We can cheer each other on. that's why I came to this forum.

[jlo34]

Hey everybody - I can't believe!!! Beautiful morning for day 4!!! I may celebrate with going for a long walk with intermittent jogging. Gosh, I haven't really run or jogged (for much distance) since high school 14-15 years ago!!!

Congrats too, NAMommy. Last night was better. I slept really well too (course that might have been because I had to take some Benadryll for my allergy though!!!). Vivid dreams yet, but not so bad they're waking me up!!!

Have a great day - check in later!!
Jen

[jlo34]

Afternoon going well so far. A bit anxious about this evening. Friday's are usually my worst smoking day. I generally smoke about twice as much as normal on Fridays. I'm in a lot of non-smoking company though. My "non-smoking" sponsor will be at the AA meeting tonight...so will so other fairly newbie non-smokers!!!

I walked about 1 mile today and rode my bike 5.5 miles (hard). Sure was great to actually BREATHE fresh air!!!! I feel so much more energetic...more alive! I feel like I could run and run and run...not sure my 32 year old body has that in mind though!!!

Anyway, that's it for now.
Jen

[jlo34]

Made it through the social smoking, the meeting, the more social smoking and home without as much as a drag on a cigarette!!! Unbelievable, I've been so nervous about today...especially tonight...said a whole bunch of prayers, did some more chanting...and bam...got home...NOT SMOKING!!! I am truly amazed.

So, I celebrated by putting my kids in bed, covering my sleeping hubby, going outside and jogged around the block as far as I could. I was amazed too at how far I was able to jog! This is the longest I've been smoke-free since my last pregnancy (4 years ago). Second longest by choosing not to smoke (without pregnancy as a consideration). Going to bed here soon with 4 days completed!!!! Thank you, God, and of course, all of you...
Jen