Hanging in there.. barely.

I am feeling so devious.. I am getting ready to drop my son off at his Dad's for his bi-weekly visit...and on these "payday" sundays I usually go and get my nails re-done and airbrushed.. then I walk around the mall for about an hour..

And my mind is deviously rationalizing having a smoke when I am at the mall.

God help me.. I have these easy moments. and I think.. this is easy! should have done this months / years / a decade ago...

and then these times.. I'm anxious... I feel like there is a grey storm cloud over my head and heart..

When walking yesterday, I met this busy-body nosy woman who lives on the other side of the park, she asked me how many miles I walk a day.. I laughed and said, well if you see me around more these days.. its because I am quitting smoking..

she goes "oh- again? " (no miss snoopy this is my first time) ...

then she says "I quit years ago.. it was easy.. I said to myself.. when this pack is over I am not buying anymore.. and I quit."

that conversation has been under my skin since yesterday.. I think she is full of **** personally.. I can't see anyone smoking for a long long time and then stopping as easy as that.. with a snap of your fingers and a split second idea running through your brain.

I needed to vent. Having a tough time again.
Day 4 still.. without smoking.. On to day 2 without the patch.

Hanging in there..barely.


My Jaws are going to be well muscled if I keep up this Trident Water Water Walk Water Chew Chew Chew Routine.. I've got that going for me right now..

[comfortablynumb]

Hanging in there sometimes means minute by minute...
but YOU are doing it...
for me, taking deep deep breaths, helped and sucking on a lot of fire hot hard candies, sucking coffee stirrers...all those gimmicks help replace those little nuances we develop as smokers...
eventually though, even those are no longer needed.
Remember that ONE pack is NOT really ONE pack, just as ONE smoke is NOT really ONE smoke...
It is easy to romanticize the smokes that were pleasant, but with those, are all the ones that were anything but.
Mostly it's our need to replenish a falling nicotine level.
You have come this far......and NOT it is NOT easy for most of us....
Add to that, that our minds tend to deliberately discount the really BAD times...
example...child birth....yeah, it was bad, yet, I had 3 kids...go figure??

Hanging in there *barely* is still GOOD!!!
Hugs to you..........

The good news is that I am not feeling guilty. the bad news (but honest) is that I am really missing smoking. I almost had one.. at the mall People were sitting in the sunshine smoking..I could smell it.. and I could see them smoking...that did not bother me..what I was missing was the feeling of smoke inhaling and exhaling.. the (sigh, I needed that) that we all know so well. So I didn't smoke, BUT I popped a nicorette and chewed it.. I could feel the nicotine in my mouth.. (and then I felt crappy for chewing it *flog flog flog the bad addict*) and now I have succumbed to a patch on again. I want to smoke.. but I am not going to.. in the meantime I am still doing the patch thing.. I couldn't go for more than 1.5 days without some cessation aid. (at least quitting meth was easier...I slept it off while incarcerated and "woke up" 2 weeks later with just a little fatigue.)

I hate the dreads.

Phew - that was too close for comfort.

Did I fail by popping the gum and shortly after slapping a patch??

I still haven't "smoked" and Lord knows I am not feeling happy right now.

(being in the middle of a tough access/custody battle isn't helping either...)

[CarolD]

we are now non smokers. Patch Gum or Lifesavers do not count in my plan.
I smoked with the Patch..the Gum was gooey...for now Lifesavers aare working.

Yes..I have avoided smokers. I will go around them at noon tomorrow.. Ah well..'This too shall pass'

Darn CarolD - I think you are right!
I will do my best tomorrow.
Today I did not smoke.

Night guys.
fight the good fight.
Thanks for all your posts today. I needed them!

[comfortablynumb]

There are those who swear by NRT's. I am not one of them.
Cold Turkey is the only way I can do this.
Whatever helps you quit and stay quit.
I just know that I wanted to go through withdrawal ONCE and be done with it.
When I look at smokers now, really, I pity them.
They aren't really thinking about what they are doing, they are merely replenishing that falling nicotine level.
They don't really have the choice that we quitters are experiencing.
And the actual inhale/exhale thing, I get with breathing...it really does work for me..
I know that if I smoked now, that that *******Ahhhhhhh******** feeling I remember, would NOT be there anyway....because my body has no falling nicotine level.
So when I look at smokers, I truly pity them and feel so very fortunate to have quit.
I got into my first really BAD fight with my b/f last night, and NOT ONCE did I think about smoking....
I didn't even realize that I didn't think about it.....until this morning...
Imagine that?

Hang in there....KNOW that the only way to get to the other side is to *go through*

Like I told Margo already. I was a power house today! No patch.. no gum.. only a mild urge to smoke..but not anything to write home about. I walked 4 miles.. I felt GREAT. A pretty darn good day 5. (unexpectedly easy day) Is that normal?? Calm before the storm?? I am no where near thinking I have it beat. I am well aquainted with addiction... but today was painless. In fact, I was cheery and energetic. ??

Good for you Numb! Falling nicotine levels.. its true isnt' it! I sit right beside the window to the smoking area. (Have lowest seniority of management team obviously.. )

I told a friend of mine that I quit, and he replied that he is now drives his brother to the cancer clinic for radiation, and smokes outside while waiting for him.. and *is most likely* hating himself for it. His name is Shaun. If there is anyone out there that could/would pray for him and his brother.. They need it right now. Everyone deserves a second chance.

I really truly believe you need to want it for quitting to work... You need to put power behind the will. Last year when a friend of mine quit because she was pregnant.. I was in awe.. now thats strength. I didn't stop when I was pregnant. Wow!

But in hindsight.. perhaps I was not ready.

Feel free to tell me I am way off.. I am just throwing out thoughts..
(after dinner - its a dangerous 15 minutes sometimes)blah blah

now I am starting to annoy myself..
eh..

[comfortablynumb]

Originally Posted by Teri_BC

Like I told Margo already. I was a power house today! No patch.. no gum.. only a mild urge to smoke..but not anything to write home about. I walked 4 miles.. I felt GREAT. A pretty darn good day 5. (unexpectedly easy day) Is that normal?? Calm before the storm?? I am no where near thinking I have it beat. I am well aquainted with addiction... but today was painless. In fact, I was cheery and energetic. ??

Good for you Numb! Falling nicotine levels.. its true isnt' it! I sit right beside the window to the smoking area. (Have lowest seniority of management team obviously.. )

I told a friend of mine that I quit, and he replied that he is now drives his brother to the cancer clinic for radiation, and smokes outside while waiting for him.. and *is most likely* hating himself for it. His name is Shaun. If there is anyone out there that could/would pray for him and his brother.. They need it right now. Everyone deserves a second chance.

I really truly believe you need to want it for quitting to work... You need to put power behind the will. Last year when a friend of mine quit because she was pregnant.. I was in awe.. now thats strength. I didn't stop when I was pregnant. Wow!

But in hindsight.. perhaps I was not ready.

Feel free to tell me I am way off.. I am just throwing out thoughts..
(after dinner - its a dangerous 15 minutes sometimes)blah blah

now I am starting to annoy myself..
eh..

LOL anyday is a good day to quit...
Any day is a good day when craving is minimum or non-existant...actually it builds a foundation for those days, where moments (and I do mean moments) when anger, or depression makes us question our quit.
If day 5 is good...accept and embrace it for what it is....
there are MORE to follow...
After dinner, I chew gum or get busy with something...dishes, whatever...even sucking on a straw for a minute or so, if often enough...

I think for me the calm I felt immediately, was the grand prize..
and you know what?
I get the prize each and every day I wake up and realize I DON'T SMOKE ANYMORE....
Each and every thought about smoking a death stick is replaced with..:
1) I know I won't NO matter what
2) why?
3) I do not..........repeat........do not want to do the fun withdrawal thing again
4) I am looking forward to becoming one of those who well....forget that they smoked and just dont' think about it...