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07-01-2004, 12:55 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Goddess in the making  Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 33
| Relapse
Well I made it a little over a week, and here I am with a pack in front of me. Been bumming drags from people here and there, and yesterday I didn't wear my patch...I smoked a few. I was with my bf, who smokes. I realize that if I am going to do this and do it sucessfully, I have to stay away from smokers (meaning everyone I know) for at least the first week. I am staying with my sister again this weekend, and I know I'll smoke. So my quit is on hiatus til Monday. I had a cry this morning because I am so frustrated, with this and with how it translates into other areas of my life. There is a zen saying, "The way you do one thing is the way you do everything", and it's so true for me. I don't commit...not to myself, to the career I want, to writing projects, to anything really. And I didn't commit to my quit either, not really. No matter what I do, I always know where the emergency exit is. I want so badly to follow through on the things I want...I don't know why I have such trouble doing so. I've never learned how to commit myself (maybe I should be committed!) and I'm sick and tired of living like this. I am not this person, not really. Not deep down. This has become more than quitting smoking for me. It's become about changing how I live my whole life. I'm so sick of myself. Be back Monday. Have a great weekend, everyone.
__________________ "And the less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." - Indigo Girls :sweat I'm like a superhero, but with no powers or motivation. :sweat |
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07-01-2004, 03:07 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| To Life!  Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,303
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Have a good weekend, sister! Don't beat yourself up over a short relapse!!! Monday will come. You will join the unsmokers again, having learned from this slip. Right? Soooo, if you have learned from it, then that is a very valuable lesson. That lesson will help bring you more success the next time around. Sometimes failure can be a very important teacher too. Just ask the teach! LOL!  Sister, I can't speak to issues like the Zen saying. I do know one thing, though. When you want something bad enough, it will happen. You will make it happen. It IS in your hands, sister. Know that. Shalom!
__________________  IMAGINE |
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07-01-2004, 09:25 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Goddess in the making Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 33
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Thanks for the encouragement, teach. I feel so angry with myself...that's not going to help any, I know. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself not to start smoking!!!! How is your quit going? I saw in another post that you've stopped the zyban. What happened there? Have a great weekend...it's Canada Day up here in Toronto, so going to enjoy the fireworks!
__________________ "And the less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." - Indigo Girls :sweat I'm like a superhero, but with no powers or motivation. :sweat |
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07-01-2004, 10:59 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Don't get undies in a bunch  Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,166
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Something a friend did as he quit.... Montra he would repeat.. "I am not a smoker" I am not a smoker" I am not a smoker" he has been cig free for over 5 years now. Not picking up that first one because he is not a smoker is how he did it.
__________________ * I asked God to spare me pain. God said "No", Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.  Recovery Related Acronym B. E. S. T. = Been Enjoying Sobriety Today? |
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07-02-2004, 05:30 AM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,421
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Hey sister... get back up on the horse that threw you. Right away before you get spooked. :wink2: I quit a number of times close together right before the last big "this is it". Think of it as sputtering to a halt. LOL
__________________ It is better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life. 21st century proverb |
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07-02-2004, 08:10 AM
| #8 (permalink) |
| To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,303
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sister, I stopped taking the two zyban pills - down to one. Can't stop too soon, or there can be physical reactions like convulsions! Great, huh? I stopped the patch too. I was/am having some nasty reactions to either one or the other or the combination of the two. It happened before, but, I didn't connect the reaction to the meds cuz of all the stuff I was going through with son. Both the doc and I thought that the panic attacks were a result of stress brought about by son's heroin addiction. Long story there, but, having the same reaction now, and NOT having stress with the son! (well, not alot, anyway, LOL!) So, panic attacks and emotions ALL over the place. Crying at the drop of a hat; laughing hysterically; feel like a manic depressive in a rapid cycle stage! Yuck! Anyhow, I have a doctor's appt. today. Gotta figure out what to do here. Still having very hard time. Had a slight slip again today, (2 ciggies at my cousin's house), but otherwise, it has been two weeks! I came so close to buying a pack that I went over there and just had the two and came home so I couldn't buy any. Best, I like the mantra. It is a bit like self hypnotism. I can visualize how it works, and will try it too. Thanks for the tip! Smoke, I understand sputtering to a halt. Maybe that's what I am doing? Repeat; "I don't smoke; I don't smoke!" Dan, can't wait till you come back to the unsmokers. Happy Canada Day! Enjoy them fireworks! Shalom, all!
__________________ IMAGINE |
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07-05-2004, 10:39 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| KingsWeaver, We Are One  Join Date: May 2004 Location: In tryinagain's heart
Posts: 103
| I can relate!
Hey Sister, I can totaly relate to the never completing what I have started thing, been doing that my whole life and I really do hate it, my Mom tried her best to break me of it but had no sucess. I am on Zyban right now 2 a day and I just had my last smoke at 10:55 PM  I know I will do it this time becauce I have no choice in the matter, decompression surgery on the neck is no joke and that is on July 12th. I don't want a nasty infection caused by smoking  You take care and just know that we are here for you, hey I am gonna need your help to get through this to, so we will just do it together. Hugs Sister, Penelope 
__________________  Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder. Henry David Thoreau |
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