My s/o is quitting smoking

[MootPoint]

how can I 1) help and 2) survive her grouchiness. When the going gets tough, can I post here? Kinda like Smoke Anon?

[EmotionalMeg]

Hey moot
I'm glad you posted here; cuz just like people dealing with a loved ones Alcohol or Drug addiction, there ARE people dealing with a loved one who is addicted to nicotine. And THEY need support too.

As a smoker (quit for 1 1/2 weeks), I am thinking that the best thing YOU can do for your partner is provide a non-judgemental ear. To be there when she is wanting to talk, and to provide encouragement when she is feeling good about her quit. The tricky part is to not have any expectations... She may NOT quit for good right now; she MIGHT start smoking again... or not. If you are able to not cast judgement on her with whatever decision she makes, it gives her the room to succeed or fail in her OWN time, with her OWN consequences, and learn her OWN lessons.

The grouchiness?
Well, my best advice is to simply stay out of her way. I KNOW how it feels to be craving a smoke. It feels like you are being deprived of satisfaction, of happiness... it really does feel like the ONE thing that would ease the pain, is a smoke. So no amount of "helpful advice", "statistics" and certainly no amount of badgering from you will ease the discomfort.
If you can recognize when she is feeling "grouchy" and when she is struggling, you can learn to give her space. SHE'S got to learn how to get through it all on her own.

Remember that this is HER quit... whether she makes it or not, YOU are still OK. Feel free to get on with YOUR life and not be distracted with wanting to "help".

Anyway, take care
And sure! Come here for some Nic-anon support... we promise not to bite your head off! (well... we'll TRY lol)
Meg

[MootPoint]

thankyou Meg

I have already learned to just listen when she wants to talk and not talk to her when she is quiet. I have to remember that coming off nicotine is supposed to be worse than coming off alcohol, and I remember that to be a b@tch. I wonder if it is as bad as coming off crack...... done that too.

I'll be very dissappointed if she goes back to smoking because I have major asthma and she knows it. I can't help but have resentment because of this.... how can she smoke when she knows I need a nebulizer treatment just to breathe sometimes??

But........ as you said, it's her quit.

[EmotionalMeg]

Hi again,
Yeah, I've heard that it is comparible to coming off any of the most addictive substances out there - Mind you, I have never checked out the medical facts. And since YOU know how it feels, you are in a much better position to understand (BTW, congrats on YOUR sobriety ).

The fact that you have a medical condition that is aggrivated by HER smoking, makes it a little different. You have to set some boundaries here. Just like the spouse of an Alcoholic / Addict needs to protect her children by NOT allowing her s/o to drive drunk with her and/or the kids, OR be alone with the kids when he is using etc... YOU need to NOT allow your s/o to smoke where YOU are being effected. She HAS to smoke outside, and NOT in the car, NOT in the kitchen etc, NOT in a restaurant while having dinner with you... these are non-negotiable boundaries for YOUR health and well-being. If she continues to smoke and the fact that her clothes / hair etc. smell like smoke and are effecting your health, than you need to decide whether to continue the relationship. It's just like we learn in Alanon / Naranon, you have to put yourself first, set boundaries and weigh the risks... This is about taking care of yourself.

The hard part is that you cannot put ultimatums on her. She is not smoking BECAUSE she wants to hurt you, so she cannot quit BECAUSE she DOESN'T want to hurt you. She smokes because she is addicted. She'll quit because SHE wants to get clean - YOU know how it works.

Anyway, take care
Meg

[MootPoint]

Wow! I hadn't thought of it like that! My situation is alot like al anon's. When she smokes, she goes in the computer room and closes the door. This minimizes it, along with minimizing my time on the computer

I've heard that ciggie withdrawal is more along the lines of heroin withdrawal. But then, severe alcohol withdrawal WILL kill you (I'm lucky...... I didn't have withdrawal).

I never thought I'd get in a relationship with a smoker, but here it is. I'm not willing to throw out the baby with the bathwater Smoke on her clothes doesnt' trigger me. and I can handle some indoor smoke.

Another aggravating thing is that all the ppl living in this building except me smoke. And....... its an old Colonial made into apartments. So, whenever one of my neighbors smoke, I get some of that. GGGGGrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I can't ask them to stop and I can't afford to move (this is low rent housing).

God I hate cigarettes!

THankyou for mentioning my recovery from alcohol and drug addiction Now I'm going for my food addiction...... I'm a compulsive overeater (who is about 80 lbs overweight).