Maybe you can help

[damiank]

I didn't see a support section for family members of smokers. That may seem ridiculous to some, but it's serious for me. I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest. My brother (42) has one lung. The other lung was destroyed from a suicide attempt. Anyway, he's smoking himself to death, and if i say peep about it, he'll explode. He's been to the hospital for breathing problems, and i tried every angle to make him understand, that once he destroys his remianing lung, it's game over. He will fight the doctors, or cleverly deflect. I think i'm way more tormented about it than he is. Is there anything i can say, or is there a certain approach that i can take to make my brother "get it". I don't want him to die. I've recently burst into tears because it doesn't look good for him.

[Toronto68]

I'm not a professional, but I think this situation would be very similar to when people ask what they can do to convince their alcoholic friend they are killing themselves. The answer we often give is that it takes the addict wanting to quit for themselves.

Pictures on the package didn't do much to scare me. It was physical symptoms that scared me, and even in that case, it took a long time for it to sink in. There was also the threat of not having enough money too. Other people will have their own version of how they reached the point where they were ready to quit.

It's possible that you could read the section for Friends Of Alcoholics, etc and gain some insights or helpful observations there at least when it comes to coping. In other words, maybe supplanting the word alcohol with nicotine might work for you. The people posting there are talking about having to deal with someone important who is hurting themselves and others through their addiction. From that standpoint, it seems like there could be some common ground for you.

It takes a lot of courage to quit. (It's ridiculous, but it does. It's a false friend that you finally get rid of.) Once you get going though, it isn't as hard and doesn't need to be as scary. Every day adds more strength to the one behind you. I did it Cold Turkey and read whyquit.com every once in a while to coach myself along.

Best of luck to you!

[damiank]

Yes, the cost is getting to be a factor for him. He's been on death's door (couldn't breathe), when the ambulance picked him up twice. I can't get my head around not choosing life. I realize it's hard, but dying is final. It is VERY frustrating. Appreciate your thoughts.

[JMFburns]

damiank,

Welcome to SR.

I recently quit smoking (almost 3 weeks)! I chose to quit this time for myself, I tried about 2 years ago, but it was mainly because my adult daughter wanted me to . . . I started up again very quickly.

I strongly agree with what Toronto mentioned, that you try posting in the Friends & Family section. I typically post/read in the Friends & Family of Substance Abuse section as my adult son is a recoverying drug addict. I've attended AlAnon for myself due to my son and my father (alcohol). I think the things you will read and "hear" on the Friends & Family forum would be very helpful to you.

It really is up to your brother to decide to choose life - no matter how hard you try/want to convince him to make that decision. You need to find piece of mind in letting him go to make that decision on his own.