On/off/on/off - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

RedRuby · 08-19-2009, 08:48 PM

I quit straight for two months, April and May. June I broke up with my non-smoker boyfriend, a major reason why I quit in the first place. I had my first smoke since quitting the day I dumped him. And it's been on and off since then...mostly on these days.
I've been smoking alot. I went 4 days this month without. My new best girl friend, she just started smoking a couple months ago, and we kind of smoke together alot, but she seems to be quitting now. I should again. I know I can. I did it. I just got back into it, slowly, then more and more over the past couple months.
First it was smoking only when drinking, not buying packs, just bumming off others. Then I saw my family, and they all smoke, so I smoked. Then I came home from vacation and wanted to smoke.
I could go days without...wasn't a problem. It was like i could smoke if I wanted to, but I didn't *have* to. I didn't feel the urges.

But now I've been smoking every day, even when I'm not drinking at the bars with my friends. Just driving. Or doing nothing. I've been smoking again.
I'm out of cigs. I'm really trying hard to be quit again. I don't want to waste my money on another pack. I don't want to smell and taste like it again.

I just wish I hadn't given in that night I broke up with him and inhaled my first smoke after two clean months. It felt so awful, gross, and stung, but now it feels like nothing...like it always did before I quit.
I'm so disappointed in myself.

Dime · 08-20-2009, 06:24 PM

Hi RedRuby,

Be proud of the two months without smokes that you did accomplish! That has not gone away, your body certainly thanks you as well as your pocketbook.

Many people do have bumps along the way to quitting. What is important is to not punish yourself for it, let it go and start over.

Two months is great. You already know how to do it!!

RedRuby · 08-20-2009, 09:10 PM

thanks, hon

RedRuby · 08-22-2009, 05:17 PM

I haven't smoked all day today, and I'm out of cigs, and I'm not going to buy any.
I feel good. Maybe this time will be better...easier.
I didn't smoke much yesterday, and I was mentally preparing myself to not smoke at all today. Mainly I think how bad, nasty, and stinky smoking is when I was smoking one, or thinking of smoking one. I kind of make myself feel bad for doing it, ya know?
But today...none. I could've taken some this morning from a friend, but I didn't.
I really want to be done with smoking. It'll be especially hard when I'm at the bar with friends, which I do alot.
But I start school full time next week, so I shouldn't have as much time to party, which is getting expensive anyways....reallly...
I'm trying to keep myself focused on school, want to start going to church, and am praying for strength to not smoke.

Dime · 08-22-2009, 05:40 PM

Fantastic RR,
So glad you are ready to re-engage the stop! Just remember to be prepared for the first few days and then things will get a lot easier. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing every day. Posting every day seemed to help me a lot to stay motivated early in the quit.

You can do it!!

08-19-2009, 08:48 PM	#1 (permalink)
RedRuby Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Colorado Posts: 46	On/off/on/off I quit straight for two months, April and May. June I broke up with my non-smoker boyfriend, a major reason why I quit in the first place. I had my first smoke since quitting the day I dumped him. And it's been on and off since then...mostly on these days. I've been smoking alot. I went 4 days this month without. My new best girl friend, she just started smoking a couple months ago, and we kind of smoke together alot, but she seems to be quitting now. I should again. I know I can. I did it. I just got back into it, slowly, then more and more over the past couple months. First it was smoking only when drinking, not buying packs, just bumming off others. Then I saw my family, and they all smoke, so I smoked. Then I came home from vacation and wanted to smoke. I could go days without...wasn't a problem. It was like i could smoke if I wanted to, but I didn't have to. I didn't feel the urges. But now I've been smoking every day, even when I'm not drinking at the bars with my friends. Just driving. Or doing nothing. I've been smoking again. I'm out of cigs. I'm really trying hard to be quit again. I don't want to waste my money on another pack. I don't want to smell and taste like it again. I just wish I hadn't given in that night I broke up with him and inhaled my first smoke after two clean months. It felt so awful, gross, and stung, but now it feels like nothing...like it always did before I quit. I'm so disappointed in myself.

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08-20-2009, 06:24 PM	#2 (permalink)
Dime Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 1,117	Hi RedRuby, Be proud of the two months without smokes that you did accomplish! That has not gone away, your body certainly thanks you as well as your pocketbook. Many people do have bumps along the way to quitting. What is important is to not punish yourself for it, let it go and start over. Two months is great. You already know how to do it!!

08-20-2009, 09:10 PM	#3 (permalink)
RedRuby Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Colorado Posts: 46	thanks, hon

08-22-2009, 05:17 PM	#4 (permalink)
RedRuby Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Colorado Posts: 46	I haven't smoked all day today, and I'm out of cigs, and I'm not going to buy any. I feel good. Maybe this time will be better...easier. I didn't smoke much yesterday, and I was mentally preparing myself to not smoke at all today. Mainly I think how bad, nasty, and stinky smoking is when I was smoking one, or thinking of smoking one. I kind of make myself feel bad for doing it, ya know? But today...none. I could've taken some this morning from a friend, but I didn't. I really want to be done with smoking. It'll be especially hard when I'm at the bar with friends, which I do alot. But I start school full time next week, so I shouldn't have as much time to party, which is getting expensive anyways....reallly... I'm trying to keep myself focused on school, want to start going to church, and am praying for strength to not smoke.

08-22-2009, 05:40 PM	#5 (permalink)
Dime Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 1,117	Fantastic RR, So glad you are ready to re-engage the stop! Just remember to be prepared for the first few days and then things will get a lot easier. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing every day. Posting every day seemed to help me a lot to stay motivated early in the quit. You can do it!!

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