Frustration

[zumagurl]

Hi-I'm long-term sober/clean-23 yrs. Only relapses in past 2 decades have been to cigarettes...long times off (8 yrs, 12 yrs etc), short times back on (few months, 1 yr, 1.5 yr). Am non-smoking 2 yrs now. All my relapses were triggered by my fiance's smoking (we live together). We do everything to keep it away from me...never in the house or on the porch, never in my car..I don't ride in his...he tries very, very hard to not even let me see him smoking. Occasionally, though, we are out together long enuf that he goes into craving/withdrawal and eventually has to have one. He walks away to do it, but just being around it makes me have stinking thinking. He has tried several times to quit and usually relapses at 9 months. So far he is unwilling (seriously fearful) to take any internal medication, but I think he's slowly working up to trying one of the new ones. I guess I'm just venting, but any feedback is appreciated. I try to just love him without demands or expectation, no nagging or put-downs, & try to express my concerns reasonably without a lot of emotional overload, but it's hard.

[historyteach]

Hi, zumagurl;
And welcome to SR!

I understand the difficulty you are dealing with. I am not sure I could live with a smoker without stumbling and falling. Too much there, too close for me. So, I give you much credit for your strength of character.

As you know, we cannot make another person do anything, much as we would like to. And he seems to go the extra mile to keep his habit far away from you. So, the only thing to do here is to work on that stinkin thinkin, I guess. Have you been to any anon meetings? There we learn to focus on ourselves and work the steps towards our own serenity.

I wish you the best. Keep coming and sharing. Perhaps that will help by just venting your concerns. Somtimes, that's all we really need to do.

Shalom!