Help - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Free to love · 12-05-2006, 11:54 PM

I don't know if I'm to post here or on family help. Since I didn't see smoking on there, I chose here.

My husbands cousin is killing himself w/cigarettes. I love this guy & it tears my heart up whenever I smell the the smoke on him.

5 or 6 years ago he had a wall fall on him. Both of his lungs calasped. Now he has less than 1/3 breathing capacity. He has a nebulizer he has to use at night , carries an inhailer, & I believe he's on meds for it. He's still smoking !!!!!

His docs, me & my husband have been trying to encourage him to stop. He quits for a while, then goes back. He also chews (he thinks that will help him quit). Personally, I think the chew is making it harder(not to mention it's really gross).
Anyway, I don't what to do. I can't stand to see him hurt himself like that. I feel helpless. I tell him all the time that we love him & please stop. I quit about 9 yrs ago, I tell him how I did it. I got him a 12 step book for smoking. He's been on the patch, gum & maybe other things that I don't know about. This year for x-mas my hubby got him a subliminal cd. It hurts me so much, that I asked him not to come over as often.
Can anyone give me advice about this ? I don't want give up on him. It's just that it feels futile. Sometimes, I want to just smack some sense into him, or shake him or something. AAAHHH !!! HELP please

**historyteach** · 12-06-2006, 04:01 AM

Hi, Free;

I know how it is hard to watch someone we love do thinngs we know are bad for them. However, we cannot force someone to do what they don't want to do. For your cousin, he wants to smoke cigarettes when he shouldn't. My son does heroin, so I DO understand your pain.
He will quit when he's ready. And not a moment before. Just like you and I did when we were ready to quit smoking; it was on our time, no one else's.
Let it go. Give your love and support to him, and give your need to control his fate to G*D. Your cousin's HP is looking after him.

Shalom!

**Cynay** · 12-06-2006, 10:07 AM

Welcome and Im sorry this is driving you insane....

Teach is right. All you are doing is driving yourself and your cousin crazy.

Remember that you did not cause it, you cant control it and you cant Cure it..

He has to want to quit and nothing on earth will make him till he is ready and wants too. There is nothing you can do for him, but you can work on your detachment from his addiction so that you have some senerity in your life.

Free to love · 12-08-2006, 11:30 PM

Thanks everyone. I know I can do nothing. I was reaching for anything to ease my frustration. I'm just tired of addictions hurting & taking away people I love. I've been praying alot about things & God has given me some serenity about it.

**historyteach** · 12-11-2006, 10:12 PM

Glad to hear that, FTL...

Each day we ask for that serenity; most days, I'm willing to do what's necessary to get it.
It's progress, not perfection, afterall...

Shalom!

**Cynay** · 12-12-2006, 05:03 AM

I can chime in there with that.... Most days I ask for the senerity God will give me the way to receive it....MOST days Im willing.... *ha*

There are times when I like to let God know who is in control and I will take the reins and do it my way...... hell Im a codi and I need a little chaos once in a while. Those times get less and less now though. Gods will hon, we dont know his plan, all we know is to have faith in his plan.

12-05-2006, 11:54 PM	#1 (permalink)
Free to love loved & blessed Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: southren, NJ Posts: 109	Help I don't know if I'm to post here or on family help. Since I didn't see smoking on there, I chose here. My husbands cousin is killing himself w/cigarettes. I love this guy & it tears my heart up whenever I smell the the smoke on him. 5 or 6 years ago he had a wall fall on him. Both of his lungs calasped. Now he has less than 1/3 breathing capacity. He has a nebulizer he has to use at night , carries an inhailer, & I believe he's on meds for it. He's still smoking !!!!! His docs, me & my husband have been trying to encourage him to stop. He quits for a while, then goes back. He also chews (he thinks that will help him quit). Personally, I think the chew is making it harder(not to mention it's really gross). Anyway, I don't what to do. I can't stand to see him hurt himself like that. I feel helpless. I tell him all the time that we love him & please stop. I quit about 9 yrs ago, I tell him how I did it. I got him a 12 step book for smoking. He's been on the patch, gum & maybe other things that I don't know about. This year for x-mas my hubby got him a subliminal cd. It hurts me so much, that I asked him not to come over as often. Can anyone give me advice about this ? I don't want give up on him. It's just that it feels futile. Sometimes, I want to just smack some sense into him, or shake him or something. AAAHHH !!! HELP please __________________ God Bless, FTL

12-06-2006, 04:01 AM	#2 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: centered again Posts: 8,057	Hi, Free; I know how it is hard to watch someone we love do thinngs we know are bad for them. However, we cannot force someone to do what they don't want to do. For your cousin, he wants to smoke cigarettes when he shouldn't. My son does heroin, so I DO understand your pain. He will quit when he's ready. And not a moment before. Just like you and I did when we were ready to quit smoking; it was on our time, no one else's. Let it go. Give your love and support to him, and give your need to control his fate to G*D. Your cousin's HP is looking after him. Shalom! __________________

12-06-2006, 10:07 AM	#3 (permalink)
Cynay Forum Leader Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Phoenix, AZ Posts: 3,696	Welcome and Im sorry this is driving you insane.... Teach is right. All you are doing is driving yourself and your cousin crazy. Remember that you did not cause it, you cant control it and you cant Cure it.. He has to want to quit and nothing on earth will make him till he is ready and wants too. There is nothing you can do for him, but you can work on your detachment from his addiction so that you have some senerity in your life. __________________ Cynay "Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." Harvey Fierstein

12-08-2006, 11:30 PM	#4 (permalink)
Free to love loved & blessed Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: southren, NJ Posts: 109	Thanks everyone. I know I can do nothing. I was reaching for anything to ease my frustration. I'm just tired of addictions hurting & taking away people I love. I've been praying alot about things & God has given me some serenity about it. __________________ God Bless, FTL

12-11-2006, 10:12 PM	#5 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: centered again Posts: 8,057	Glad to hear that, FTL... Each day we ask for that serenity; most days, I'm willing to do what's necessary to get it. It's progress, not perfection, afterall... Shalom! __________________

12-12-2006, 05:03 AM	#6 (permalink)
Cynay Forum Leader Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Phoenix, AZ Posts: 3,696	I can chime in there with that.... Most days I ask for the senerity God will give me the way to receive it....MOST days Im willing.... ha There are times when I like to let God know who is in control and I will take the reins and do it my way...... hell Im a codi and I need a little chaos once in a while. Those times get less and less now though. Gods will hon, we dont know his plan, all we know is to have faith in his plan. __________________ Cynay "Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." Harvey Fierstein

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