Why do I want to smoke?

[namommy]

That was a question posed to me in the Daily Check in. It's a good question. Unfortunately, the answer is too plain. I decided to put it here and start a new thread.

It really helps to tell on yourself, and your disease. Yes, your disease. This falls under the catagory of 'The disease of addiction'. It is an addictive behavior, that is deadly. I was taught to 'tell on my disease'. whenever it raises it's ugly head, tell on it. List whatever it is that is making you want to smoke. Right here, on this thread.

My wanting to smoke right now is a culmination of the past years events catching up with me.

We lost 3 family members (my SIL being the hardest for all of us), 2 friends, my best friends mother (that was a long painful death). My husband had a heart attack, quadruple by-pass surgery, he had no health insurance, it put him out of work for 4 months, MAJOR resentments with the recovering addicts around here have kept me away from meetings for about 2 months, my husband had to have more surgery, my son crushed his finger over the summer (more trips to doctors and hospitals), I've been suffering from severe migraines (gee, I wonder why?) which I missed some time from work because of them, I was put on probation at work, my oldest daughter moved away and out on her own, and I am about to freak. It is all built up, christmas is coming, and we have no money, and everyone is starting to talk about the holidays without my SIL. It's all just too painful.

Today, I got a phone call from VISA security, someone has been using my credit card information (while we were at the scout cabin this weekend). Like I have SOOOOO much money for them to take from my account.

OK! Get it out!!! Vent here, it feels great.

Happy to report, I have not smoked.

[Cynay]

Amazing hon... What a series of misfortunes.

You are an inspiration sweets.... I hope to think I could be so strong.

[jlo34]

NaMommy,
Absolutely right...tell on the disease so it doesn't win!!

My sponsor would say that you are in the midst of a miracle. Miracles sure can hurt while you're being hurdled through them. Death and illness are horribly difficult for any of us to get through. Then there's the whole "kid" thing! Yea, boy can I relate.

My problems...not so bad. Though sometimes mine feel overwhelming..I'd rather have my problems right now!

Prayers headed your way NAMommy...may you find the acceptance, peace and serenity you need.

Blessings,
Jen