Quitting again after 3yrs. quit,strted 3 weeks ago

[jl5784]

Today, I am attempting a "no cigarette day". I just started again, after a 3yr. quit. I have had long quit periods,before. The first time lasted 8 yrs., after smoking for 12 yrs. Then I smoked for about 1 1/2 years, then quit for 5 years, smoked for about 1 1/2 years again. Then my last quit was 3 years ago. I just started smoking 3 weeks ago. I was surprised at how quickly I became hooked.
Well, I actually had that cigarette for awhile, before I actually lit it. At first, it was only 2 or 3 cigs a day, then up to 5. I worked myself up to 1/2 pack a day. Also, I have many health problems. I am on resp. meds. (and a nurse, so I know so better- shame on me!!)
I have been going through alot with my AD. I am not blaming her. It is not her that put the cig in my mouth. However, that is what I reached for, when I was taking a lot in, and too embarrassed to tell anyone. I know this great board is always here. But, I could not even get to the computer. So, I did what I knew to do, inhale that filthy cig, knowing what a hypocrite I am. I am doing exactly what my daughter had been doing. When, I could not handle things, I grabbed a cig. I justified my behavior because I was not spending the amount of money she did on drugs. Smoking is legal. And, I was not hurting anyone else.
I thought how bizarre is it that I am smoking. I hate the smell and taste of cigarettes. Immediately, after smoking one, I will go wash my hands, brush my teeth, and spray my clothes and hair. What a wacko I am!!
But, I started coming to the moments of truth. I shared with my very anti-smoking sister that I started smoking again. I got the the stern lecture that I really wanted to hear. So, that was my first step in quitting. I came home and gave my son the rest of my cigs. Unfortunately, one more confrontation with my AD, I went and grabbed one more cig. Telling myself tht I was disgusting the whole time that I smoked it. Last night, I really wanted one, and went out smoking the butts on my outside porch.
This morning, I am drinking my coffee "without cigs".
I think that I may make it this time. Another thing, that I realized when I said tht I was not hurting anyone else. That is so untrue, I have a chronic autoimmune illness and have been hospitlaized many times in the past few years. Smoking will just exacerbate my condition. So, I am hurting others.
I will probably have to revert back to being a reformed smoker for awhile. As I have smokers in my household. I will be the bitchy non-smoker, but I really do hate smoke. It stinks, stains, and is yucky!!
Okay, that's it for now. -jl

[spring]

Well JL, I'm with you. I was on a two month run without them and started again three weeks ago. Today is my 1st day off again too. I feel just like you do; I think they're discusting but I smoke away while I'm thinking it. Good luck!

Spring

[jlo34]

Just break it down into a day at a time rather than, the rest of your life. A day is a whole lot more managable. And, being a nurse, you know that life altering things happen in just a second...

Just for today, I am NOT going to smoke,
Jen