To Zoloft or go off, that is the question... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Beachbabe · 04-20-2006, 05:48 PM

Hey Ya'll

I am suffering. I am not happy and wanting to get out and do stuff. This too shall pass, isnt passing. Thats why I was an addict and thought my meds were good for me... I took them and wanted to meet the world.

Now, Im not making appts. Im not going anywhere at all. Last time I left was Easter with my family and that is more than fine by me. I cant be like this and remain successful... period.

Money aside, my business aside, I cant be like this and be happy... even poor. People in wheelchairs get out and live a wonderful life. How dare I hide in this house and not take in the world and the people in it when I am perfectly fine physically.

For three months I have had a RX on my refigerator for Zoloft. Being an addict, my belief system told me 'if it doesnt alter one then how can it work'? But moreso, I just want to be clean and sober.... DRUG FREE! So, I have never filled it.

I would so much appreciate ANY AND ALL advice in regards to my situation and this particular medication.

I cant afford to play with my system right now. Once I start Zoloft, Im no longer drug free. But, I have thought about it all day and realized only one thing.

There is a difference between living clean and sober and drug free. Wouldnt I take medicine if I had diabetes? I would be forced to, so is depression/never leaving as to not be around people any less serious to treat in the long run?

I dont know... Im asking you. My main concern is my system. If it isnt going to help me, TELL ME. If it is bad, also tell me. Dont sugar coat $hit for me. I need to get myself together in all and many ways and cant do it fast enough.

This is alot of work, true. Being an addict was far more though. Always chasing that high is enough to kill you.

Oh wait... thats right. It does. Eventually. Unless you turn and run the other way. Im running so hard right now, Im just shy of tripping over my own feet.

2stop · 04-20-2006, 05:56 PM

Zoloft is a medication that helps YOUR own chemicals function properly! It isn't altering your mind in any way YOUR BODY WOULD NOT NATURALY..........Zoloft is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor....it gets going and maintains your serotonin levels.

I also know some people can get through/manage depression/anxiety with cognitive behaviour therapy alone...but he preferred method is a combination,meds and therapy.............

I think this will come down to challenging your belief system........maybe a look in the structure of what you want vs what you need?

I waited a very long time to take Zoloft..............I wish I had taken it sooner!!! Depression and agoraphobia is a serious disorder...just as deadly as addiction if left untreated.

I support you either way.hate to see you suffer more than necessary though.

2stop · 04-20-2006, 05:58 PM

Untreated depression/anxiety is a MAJOR contributor to addictions.............

Beachbabe · 04-20-2006, 06:22 PM

I became an addict because I hurt my back and was given pain pills and went from hiding in the house most of my life to getting through college with a degree and building what looked like a normal life.

Pain pills made me want to be a part of it all. I'd rather sit here and stare at this celing til I count ever single speck in it before I go back to being an addict.

Wow, thanks satan, your pill addiction at least got me through school. HA! you got played sucker! Cant play and player. If you try you'll turn around just to see you have gotten played.

he really missed the ball there. All the while he was living inside my thoughts and actions he forgot to screw with the very thing NOONE can ever take from me... my education.

HA, what a fool. I laugh at him in his face.

**51anna** · 04-20-2006, 06:22 PM

I can't say it any better than Tammie did:

"Untreated depression/anxiety is a MAJOR contributor to addictions............."

I have a chemical imbalance and I take meds for it. I am so thankful every day that I found a medication that works for me. It's not a 'happy pill' or anything like that, but it levels the playing field. I never understood how other people coped with life. For so long, I just didn't care about anything. The meds make all the difference in the world. I still have bad days, but the difference is that now I KNOW that the bad day or days will not last forever.

I will probably take this med forever and I truly believe, that without it, I would never have been able to get or stay sober.

Beachbabe · 04-20-2006, 06:34 PM

So most MAO's are the same... the brand doesnt matter?

I just dont want to screw with my system trying to get the meds right. I happened to be RX'ed zoloft. So with MAO's, any will suffice?

The RX is for 100 mils a day. My therepist must think I REALLY need it because as I research, I see I should have started at 50 a day but she started right at 100, bypassing the 50 on a trial bases. Not sure why, you'd think less is best.

I have no faith in health care anymore. Something else I need to work on.

2stop · 04-20-2006, 06:36 PM

My husband tried pulling that BS with me........."Oh LOok at YOU! Having to take a happy pill?? YOU just WANT pills don't you???

I let it affect me for awhile......then I said no way!! I know what I am doing is right.I am not going to overanalyze it do death.(or me to death LOL) I would psychonalyze because it kept me in inertia...........not deciding either way fully.......on the fence you see? I always wanted a guarantee!

and I also learned this is true.............we do not see things as they are...but as WE are.

Okay.........ask yourself this.......and you are educated.....I can tell that by your posts...you are not uneducated, dumb, or stupid.............but like the rest of us IMO you have an erroneous belief system...yours dictates to you taking any pill means you are not drug free&/or sober. Now you may not want to listen to my advice! I only have a GED.........LOL......IQ was high at one time.......god only knows how low it is now........my memory sucks, I can't concentrate very well........but I know what I have learned in the classroom of life!! Challenge what you believe.................it saved my life.

I hope I don't sound condescending or rude..........I do not aim for that! I also do not believe I know it all...I just know what I know!! LOL...........I'll shut up now.........

Oh one more thing.......if you are drug free.but stuck in your bedroom counting ceiling tiles..........don't think in time the men in white jackets will come and escort you away to a softly padded room with a syringe full of drugs? Don't laugh.......I've been to state hospitals..I have seen people that would not treat their depression.............and I have seen doctors trteat them badly...............You have to take a stand for your mental health just as you would your mental health!! IMO MENTAL health is even MORE important than physical health.because the one directly CAN affect the othewr.........

alright.NOW I will shut up!!

Don't ever ask me to tell it like it is! Cause I just might do so.............(((Hugs)))

2stop · 04-20-2006, 06:43 PM

Monoamine Oxidase Antidepressants?? MAO's? What I know about them..parnate, nardil(sp?) they are last case drugs......the adverse affects and dietary restrictions are severe on those.......you gotta talk to your doctor about this.I am not a doctor and don't want to give medical advice...........Zoloft is an SSRI.the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor........very different.............I can just share what I know from my experiences................

I was started at 25 mg Zoloft because the serotonin levels with me increase too quick and I get so manic I can't think right..........I now only take 50 mg.......it doesn't mean I have worse or lighter caes of depression.we can be equally depressede, same symptoms.and our bodies take very different amounts of mediaction to achieve the same effect.yours and my metabolisms are more than likely different..............and she is your doctor!! LOL......I don't trust health care too much either...........believe me I have seen it all.........I have had doctors literally tell me after a hysterectomy..at 26...they wanted to take me out to the parking lot and shoot me!! No sh**............actual words they used............

you hang inthere.your doctor gave you zoloft.take it as prescribed keep on with your recovery AND SOBRIETY.........

Beachbabe · 04-20-2006, 06:45 PM

My son has threatened to 'call someone about you Mama' if you dont start getting out. I laughed and said "Great, I'll be locked up by men in white suits'.

Didnt realize that actually happened. How? Family says shes a wack and you go bye bye? God, hope my husband dont find that out, I'll be UNDER the mental hospital.

2stop · 04-20-2006, 06:49 PM

{{{{Beachbabe}}}}} I just want to see you feeling better. I know from my experience the antidepressants are a lifesaver. Hope you can come to terms with a solution..........go see a qualified cognitive beahvioral therapist........you gotta do something diffeently than you are now.......ya know?

Smyle · 04-20-2006, 07:26 PM

You cannot be commited for just laying around the house.... Your husband could only get you commited if you like attempted to harm yourself or others.

Even then you have like a 72 hour hold till you are assesed etc,,,then they take it from there. Keep you or let you go. take your prescription. Zoloft is a good med to start out on (of all the drugs in that class.)

It takes a couple weeks to get going in your system but I think you will be gratefull once it does. Good Luck

slyguy · 04-20-2006, 08:30 PM

I used to take zoloft and had a lot better life.I needed 200mg a day then.Curintly I take lexapro 40mg with good results.I always had to be on high dose of antidepresants but thay can change your life.
SlyGuy

Beachbabe · 04-20-2006, 08:38 PM

Im sold. Im filling the 'script. Lets see how things are after a month. They should be working by then? If not, maybe 2 months at best.

Either way, I wont have withdrawal, right?

My sister-in-law lives by her paxil. She started it a few yrs ago and was feeling so bright and better she stopped. Im learning thats common so not to do that.

She cried uncontrollably but other than that, no real horror like we know. He then owned her issues and stayed on it and wouldnt have it any other way.

When I smile, I want to do it from the heart. I want it to be seen in my eyes.

I am a good person, funny as hell to be around once you know me. And I love to be that actress everyone thinks is so cute. Its the actress that is actually me that I dont show anyone. People around me enjoy when the wall comes down and I shine.

I feel worthy today, not blowing my own horn... journaling really. I deserve all the happiness in the world. Im on the down side of now a 3 day manic so tonight I will be blessed with sleep because one can only stay in this state for so long and you crash.

Crash and burn because it takes a few more days to level and adjust back to schedule. I need ya'll to be aware that my conviction towards my recovery lessens dramtically and quickly while in mania/not sleeping/eating.

I just cant afford that. If a medication can make me level enough to cope a little better that increases my chances considerably.

Im so determined but when I had the 'a pill would make all of this stop and fill me up... thats all it would take, that and 30 mintues to kick in' thought last night, it scared the hell out of me.

I instantly journaled 'sleep deprivation, if anything, will be the factor that drives me back to my doc. I ask ya'll to try to remember that my mania puts me back into my addict mind. Its what I know best so its what works when Im so tired Im hardly working at all.

rose petals · 04-20-2006, 09:07 PM

hey beachbabe--
i take 500 mg depakote and 80 mg prozac everyday for ocd primarily--works very well-i have never had any withdrawls from these meds like you get from drugs and alcohol so dont worry about that--if you are able financially to hang out at home all day it is fine--just do what is comfortable and be gentle with yourself--stop shoulding youreslf--i believe in time things will begin to level--there is no shame in counting ceiling tiles if it keeps you calm--and then as time goes you can do a bit more and a bit more--that is how i do it--works very well--take care!
laura

daydream · 04-20-2006, 09:24 PM

Hey Beachbabe,

I hope you GO for it!! Zoloft is an excellent SSRI (MAO's truly are last resort, so I hope you don't ever have to deal with that class of drugs). In 1999 after 2 years of trying so hard to live my 12 step program without meds for depression, I finally gave in. I had a sponsor who refused to sponsor me if I took meds, and I truly didn't want to take them, but I could not function at work or anywhere else. I had to change sponsors, but it was worth it. I too wish I had taken them years earlier. Zoloft changed my life and changed it quickly. It worked very well for several years before the effectiveness wore off and I had to switch. One precaution: Some people like myself have severe agitation when first starting Zoloft. I started at 50 mg which was too strong for me. The agitation went away after about 3 days. At one point I got lazy about taking it and quit for a few months. When I started again at 50 mg I got the same intense agitation for a few days. The last time I started at 25mg and then bumped up to 50 after a few days with no problems at all. I'm not a doctor, so I can't tell ya what to do, but keep that in mind. And remember that it usually takes a few weeks for the med to build up in your system enough to see the mood improvement. Good luck!! And BTW, I never had any withdrawal symptoms.

2dayzmuse · 04-20-2006, 10:05 PM

I'm a firm believer in anti depressants. If you are subscribed an RX and aren't abusing them, go for it. I've been taking Wellbutrin for a couple years now, and I'm very happy with the results. If it will help you live a good, happy, sober life, go for it. All meds aren't bad. They only become that way when we abuse them. You don't have to live your life unhappy and isolated. Sobriety is meant to be enjoyed.

Kahlia · 04-20-2006, 11:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beachbabe

Hey Ya'll

I am suffering. I am not happy and wanting to get out and do stuff. This too shall pass, isnt passing. Thats why I was an addict and thought my meds were good for me... I took them and wanted to meet the world.

Now, Im not making appts. Im not going anywhere at all. Last time I left was Easter with my family and that is more than fine by me. I cant be like this and remain successful... period.

Money aside, my business aside, I cant be like this and be happy... even poor. People in wheelchairs get out and live a wonderful life. How dare I hide in this house and not take in the world and the people in it when I am perfectly fine physically.

For three months I have had a RX on my refigerator for Zoloft. Being an addict, my belief system told me 'if it doesnt alter one then how can it work'? But moreso, I just want to be clean and sober.... DRUG FREE! So, I have never filled it.

I would so much appreciate ANY AND ALL advice in regards to my situation and this particular medication.

I cant afford to play with my system right now. Once I start Zoloft, Im no longer drug free. But, I have thought about it all day and realized only one thing.

There is a difference between living clean and sober and drug free. Wouldnt I take medicine if I had diabetes? I would be forced to, so is depression/never leaving as to not be around people any less serious to treat in the long run?

I dont know... Im asking you. My main concern is my system. If it isnt going to help me, TELL ME. If it is bad, also tell me. Dont sugar coat $hit for me. I need to get myself together in all and many ways and cant do it fast enough.

This is alot of work, true. Being an addict was far more though. Always chasing that high is enough to kill you.

Oh wait... thats right. It does. Eventually. Unless you turn and run the other way. Im running so hard right now, Im just shy of tripping over my own feet.

Beachbabe-I am not patting myself on the back-I hate to say it on this forum BUT I am a RN...it helps to know that when you are talking about medications. I am taking Wellbutrin XL 300mg.once daily, without it I probably could not brush my own teeth. I am very serious. They tried me on Zoloft, it just was NOT the drug I NEEDED, WELLBUTIN XL, an extended, time released drug WORKS for ME....everything is different for everybody-I would suggest that if your Doctor is suggesting that you take Wellbutrin for depression, take the DRUG, see if it works, it takes about 3 -4 weeks to really see if the drug works, to see if you start to feel better, if you do not, tell your Doctor, he will change,the anti-depressant and then you will have to experiment Til'YOU find the antidepressant that works for you. I was lucky, I only needed two...Wellbutrin XL is a dream, I am VERY NORMAL PERSON-I just was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and am seeing a therapist, if not and I was Not on an antidepressant, I would probably have committted suicide..I am not kidding. I was just going to work, coming home, lying on my couch, not answering the phone, not going out, not talking to my friends, not communicating with ANYONE...I was isolating myself, so to speak...I just did not care about anything or anybody..I was just so depressed, I had disconnected from my whole family a year ago, that was the ONLY thing I was HAPPY about..In did NOT want to talk to them. You have to be very careful depression is tricky-it sneaks up on you.You can become suicidal before you even know it. I went to see my Psychiatyrist and she ask me how I was doing and I said the ulitmate statement " just really do no not care"What'sthat mean?" I said " I just don"t care about anything or anybody, I just don't even care if I am alive anymore"..UH..that rang a-BELL with her....she said to me "ARE YOU SUICIDAL?" I SAID"...I GUESS SO, I HAVEN"T REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT BUT I REALLY DON"T CARE IF I AM HERE OR NOT"..SHE WOULD not let me leave her office,I am NOT kidding..she was so convinced about me being that isolated etc..she was convinced that I didn't care about anything and I didn't...it was true...I really didn't..It scared the living crap out of me..I just realized just how depressed I was......She agreed to let me leave ONLY if I would call her every hour and gave me her cell phone number, I told her I had just realized how depressed I Was..it had just hit me like a light bulb had come on...she believed me from my tone, expressions etc..., so she gave me a prescription-for zoloft,then told me that I could go Butshe wantedme to call her every-hourand if I did not call her she would call the police and send them to my house-I,No longer felt suicidal..that talking to her mademe realize and understand just how depressed I had been and what I had beendoing and how she was very concerned and I did call her everyhour til 5 am-she told me she KNEW I really was OK and she believed I was NOT suicidal...she said that I did Not have to call her anymore....it was really crazy BUT I understood her concern...I was really OUT there...I understand that depression can really get you in a few weeks...PLease keep going to your Doctor and do what he/she says.If you feel good on the medicine he/she prescibes, take it and keep taking it.There is Nothing wrong with being depressed-there are millions of people that are depressed...I wish you continued luck with your medication and I told YOU my story for a reason do not ever let yoour depression go that far...tell someone if you ever start feeling that way...many Blesssings and PEACE......Kahlia

BSPGirl · 04-21-2006, 06:22 AM

Well it's up to you whether to fill the prescription or not. Also feel free to report back to your dr if it's not working or if the side effects are worse than the positive effects but yes definitely give it a chance after you weighed the pro's and con's for yourself but don't feel like you're busy getting addicted again. You can however share those concerns with your dr too, be open and a good dr will understand this. Also a good dr can refer you to some therapy. In my own experience this 'not leaving the house' thing has a lot to do with just starting something...even if it's something small...simple...like going to the gym once a week...joining some kinda club...and analyse in your mind whether this is enough. Do you feel you got an appropriate social network? Are you happy with the way you're living now? Evaluate. Nobody forces you into anything, if you are happy hardly ever going out, it's perfectly fine too. Don't live up to others their expectations, only yours. That's what I'm learning as of late.

*hugs*

Beachbabe · 04-21-2006, 07:00 AM

This is my Drs title... ya'll take it from there. I dont know one head Dr from another. She works under an M.D. and she is an ARNP, C.S whatever in da hell dat is.

Do you think this person is qualified enough to be my therepist... with my problems. ALL THE BITCH DOES IS NOD HER F'ING HEAD FOR 280.00 AN HR. Just makes me so mad. The last visit she asked me how I felt about my therepy so far. I said "you want me to tell you what you want to hear, or the truth because that often hurts". She chose truth. Poor girl.

I said: Although I appreciate being able to take advantage of therepy I honestly feel like I could tie a sting on my sons bobble head doll, talk, stop and pull the sting to make the head nod. I would then be getting just as much help with that. Do something besides umm hmm and nodding your head. ADD something to the conversation. Even being an addict I dont want to talk about ME for a solid hr while someone just says mmm hmm and nods. PISSES ME OFF. She was shocked to say the least and thats when she wrote the Zoloft 'script.

As far as my phobias about getting out: I dont deal well with idiots and thats something I have to work on because face it, most americans have the IQ of the average life span. Uhm... that would be low. I get very angry when people do stupid things and with me, anger leads to violence. I dont need to get locked up so I stay at home.

Let me think of an example: Ok, here we go... something immature but an everyday occurance that most deal with fine.

Someone is driving 20 in a 55 MPH zone. It literally makes my head want to pop off. Then, if they are unfortunate enough to not realize whom and what they are dealing with and dont speed up... there is going to be problems. I lose it.

I might get beside them and call them something stupid and flip them off, then with the maturity of a 10 yr old I might then get in front of them and go 10 MPH, they try to pass... I speed up. And if Im reaaaaaally lucky this will culminate into me either getting to beat the crap out of someone or get the crap beaten out of me... I never care. I just want to throw fists.

Its scary too because people that arent just right in the head have crazy strenght is what I call it. Because I starve myself just as another way of hurting me I am beginning to realize, Im not even close to 100 pds. Im small framed so I sort of get by with it but if I knew the truth in everyones mind... Im probably not fooling anyone.

Anyway, when I get mad like that I can fight grown men and win. NO FEAR. Cant wait to park and tear into their asses. Oh, and they will hit back too lol. Which is fine by me, hell Im always the attacker. Id hit me too.

My phobias are about being scared of ME in public whereas others seem to be getting around people. Im not worried about the people. I just know they should be worried about me and dont even know it.

I just always pray nothing flips my switch and I make it home short of jail.

This is why my husband only mentally abuses me because the first time he put his hands on me I bout beat his 5'9 180 pd butt to death before he finally fleed. Yep, fleed. Crazy strenght is what I call it. He is a mean a$$ Italian and I sent his a$$ scooting. Never ever let on like he was going to lay his hands on me again. Nipped that in the bud.

So, in light of this post, zoloft sounds like the right drug for me? Im a sweet girl. Im just mean and crazy when Im messed with. Its like I was kicked in the teeth sense I popped out of my mom and one day a switch flipped and I had enough... and came out fighting... anyone that would play into it with me.

rose petals · 04-21-2006, 07:14 AM

eeek!!--lol--take care beachbabe --i dont know about the anger thing, that hasnt been a thhing for me--i dont know if meds would even that out or not--
laura

Beachbabe · 04-21-2006, 07:21 AM

Kahlia:

As I went back to re-read your post something struck me that I missed that last time.

I have a hottub in my bathroom. I have (more than once) entertained the idea of feeling it up, taking about 20 mils of Xanax and blank. If I didnt it that way my family wouldnt have any mess to clean up. God, never told anyone that. And when I romance the idea it makes me feel powerful again. I even know what type blade I would use... one of those double blade razor blades thats so sharp you have to be careful handling them because you will get cut badly and not even realize it. It would be a nice hot bubble bath... I have thought it out in every detail.

I only wish I could be so selfish. I honestly do. Im not scared to do it, I'll do it on a dare... if it wasnt for my kids. I cant do that to my kids. Its the *****, selfish way out and I dont want to go down in history in such a pathetic way. My pride and my kids are all that keeps me alive and breathing.

04-20-2006, 05:48 PM	#1 (permalink)
Beachbabe Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: On a Boat in the Gulf Posts: 312	To Zoloft or go off, that is the question... Hey Ya'll I am suffering. I am not happy and wanting to get out and do stuff. This too shall pass, isnt passing. Thats why I was an addict and thought my meds were good for me... I took them and wanted to meet the world. Now, Im not making appts. Im not going anywhere at all. Last time I left was Easter with my family and that is more than fine by me. I cant be like this and remain successful... period. Money aside, my business aside, I cant be like this and be happy... even poor. People in wheelchairs get out and live a wonderful life. How dare I hide in this house and not take in the world and the people in it when I am perfectly fine physically. For three months I have had a RX on my refigerator for Zoloft. Being an addict, my belief system told me 'if it doesnt alter one then how can it work'? But moreso, I just want to be clean and sober.... DRUG FREE! So, I have never filled it. I would so much appreciate ANY AND ALL advice in regards to my situation and this particular medication. I cant afford to play with my system right now. Once I start Zoloft, Im no longer drug free. But, I have thought about it all day and realized only one thing. There is a difference between living clean and sober and drug free. Wouldnt I take medicine if I had diabetes? I would be forced to, so is depression/never leaving as to not be around people any less serious to treat in the long run? I dont know... Im asking you. My main concern is my system. If it isnt going to help me, TELL ME. If it is bad, also tell me. Dont sugar coat $hit for me. I need to get myself together in all and many ways and cant do it fast enough. This is alot of work, true. Being an addict was far more though. Always chasing that high is enough to kill you. Oh wait... thats right. It does. Eventually. Unless you turn and run the other way. Im running so hard right now, Im just shy of tripping over my own feet.

04-20-2006, 05:56 PM	#2 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,666	Zoloft is a medication that helps YOUR own chemicals function properly! It isn't altering your mind in any way YOUR BODY WOULD NOT NATURALY..........Zoloft is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor....it gets going and maintains your serotonin levels. I also know some people can get through/manage depression/anxiety with cognitive behaviour therapy alone...but he preferred method is a combination,meds and therapy............. I think this will come down to challenging your belief system........maybe a look in the structure of what you want vs what you need? I waited a very long time to take Zoloft..............I wish I had taken it sooner!!! Depression and agoraphobia is a serious disorder...just as deadly as addiction if left untreated. I support you either way.hate to see you suffer more than necessary though. __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

04-20-2006, 05:58 PM	#3 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,666	Untreated depression/anxiety is a MAJOR contributor to addictions............. __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

04-20-2006, 06:22 PM	#5 (permalink)
51anna Forum Leader Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 11,164	I can't say it any better than Tammie did: "Untreated depression/anxiety is a MAJOR contributor to addictions............." I have a chemical imbalance and I take meds for it. I am so thankful every day that I found a medication that works for me. It's not a 'happy pill' or anything like that, but it levels the playing field. I never understood how other people coped with life. For so long, I just didn't care about anything. The meds make all the difference in the world. I still have bad days, but the difference is that now I KNOW that the bad day or days will not last forever. I will probably take this med forever and I truly believe, that without it, I would never have been able to get or stay sober. __________________ Anna "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou

04-20-2006, 06:36 PM	#7 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,666	My husband tried pulling that BS with me........."Oh LOok at YOU! Having to take a happy pill?? YOU just WANT pills don't you??? I let it affect me for awhile......then I said no way!! I know what I am doing is right.I am not going to overanalyze it do death.(or me to death LOL) I would psychonalyze because it kept me in inertia...........not deciding either way fully.......on the fence you see? I always wanted a guarantee! and I also learned this is true.............we do not see things as they are...but as WE are. Okay.........ask yourself this.......and you are educated.....I can tell that by your posts...you are not uneducated, dumb, or stupid.............but like the rest of us IMO you have an erroneous belief system...yours dictates to you taking any pill means you are not drug free&/or sober. Now you may not want to listen to my advice! I only have a GED.........LOL......IQ was high at one time.......god only knows how low it is now........my memory sucks, I can't concentrate very well........but I know what I have learned in the classroom of life!! Challenge what you believe.................it saved my life. I hope I don't sound condescending or rude..........I do not aim for that! I also do not believe I know it all...I just know what I know!! LOL...........I'll shut up now......... Oh one more thing.......if you are drug free.but stuck in your bedroom counting ceiling tiles..........don't think in time the men in white jackets will come and escort you away to a softly padded room with a syringe full of drugs? Don't laugh.......I've been to state hospitals..I have seen people that would not treat their depression.............and I have seen doctors trteat them badly...............You have to take a stand for your mental health just as you would your mental health!! IMO MENTAL health is even MORE important than physical health.because the one directly CAN affect the othewr......... alright.NOW I will shut up!! Don't ever ask me to tell it like it is! Cause I just might do so.............(((Hugs))) __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

04-20-2006, 06:22 PM	#4 (permalink)
Beachbabe Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: On a Boat in the Gulf Posts: 312	I became an addict because I hurt my back and was given pain pills and went from hiding in the house most of my life to getting through college with a degree and building what looked like a normal life. Pain pills made me want to be a part of it all. I'd rather sit here and stare at this celing til I count ever single speck in it before I go back to being an addict. Wow, thanks satan, your pill addiction at least got me through school. HA! you got played sucker! Cant play and player. If you try you'll turn around just to see you have gotten played. he really missed the ball there. All the while he was living inside my thoughts and actions he forgot to screw with the very thing NOONE can ever take from me... my education. HA, what a fool. I laugh at him in his face.

04-20-2006, 06:34 PM	#6 (permalink)
Beachbabe Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: On a Boat in the Gulf Posts: 312	So most MAO's are the same... the brand doesnt matter? I just dont want to screw with my system trying to get the meds right. I happened to be RX'ed zoloft. So with MAO's, any will suffice? The RX is for 100 mils a day. My therepist must think I REALLY need it because as I research, I see I should have started at 50 a day but she started right at 100, bypassing the 50 on a trial bases. Not sure why, you'd think less is best. I have no faith in health care anymore. Something else I need to work on.

04-20-2006, 06:43 PM	#8 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,666	Monoamine Oxidase Antidepressants?? MAO's? What I know about them..parnate, nardil(sp?) they are last case drugs......the adverse affects and dietary restrictions are severe on those.......you gotta talk to your doctor about this.I am not a doctor and don't want to give medical advice...........Zoloft is an SSRI.the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor........very different.............I can just share what I know from my experiences................ I was started at 25 mg Zoloft because the serotonin levels with me increase too quick and I get so manic I can't think right..........I now only take 50 mg.......it doesn't mean I have worse or lighter caes of depression.we can be equally depressede, same symptoms.and our bodies take very different amounts of mediaction to achieve the same effect.yours and my metabolisms are more than likely different..............and she is your doctor!! LOL......I don't trust health care too much either...........believe me I have seen it all.........I have had doctors literally tell me after a hysterectomy..at 26...they wanted to take me out to the parking lot and shoot me!! No sh**............actual words they used............ you hang inthere.your doctor gave you zoloft.take it as prescribed keep on with your recovery AND SOBRIETY......... __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

04-20-2006, 06:45 PM	#9 (permalink)
Beachbabe Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: On a Boat in the Gulf Posts: 312	My son has threatened to 'call someone about you Mama' if you dont start getting out. I laughed and said "Great, I'll be locked up by men in white suits'. Didnt realize that actually happened. How? Family says shes a wack and you go bye bye? God, hope my husband dont find that out, I'll be UNDER the mental hospital.

04-20-2006, 06:49 PM	#10 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,666	{{{{Beachbabe}}}}} I just want to see you feeling better. I know from my experience the antidepressants are a lifesaver. Hope you can come to terms with a solution..........go see a qualified cognitive beahvioral therapist........you gotta do something diffeently than you are now.......ya know? __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

04-20-2006, 07:26 PM	#11 (permalink)
Smyle Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Newfie-Land, Mo Posts: 1,623	You cannot be commited for just laying around the house.... Your husband could only get you commited if you like attempted to harm yourself or others. Even then you have like a 72 hour hold till you are assesed etc,,,then they take it from there. Keep you or let you go. take your prescription. Zoloft is a good med to start out on (of all the drugs in that class.) It takes a couple weeks to get going in your system but I think you will be gratefull once it does. Good Luck

04-20-2006, 08:30 PM	#12 (permalink)
slyguy Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: mi Posts: 29	I used to take zoloft and had a lot better life.I needed 200mg a day then.Curintly I take lexapro 40mg with good results.I always had to be on high dose of antidepresants but thay can change your life. SlyGuy

04-20-2006, 08:38 PM	#13 (permalink)
Beachbabe Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: On a Boat in the Gulf Posts: 312	Im sold. Im filling the 'script. Lets see how things are after a month. They should be working by then? If not, maybe 2 months at best. Either way, I wont have withdrawal, right? My sister-in-law lives by her paxil. She started it a few yrs ago and was feeling so bright and better she stopped. Im learning thats common so not to do that. She cried uncontrollably but other than that, no real horror like we know. He then owned her issues and stayed on it and wouldnt have it any other way. When I smile, I want to do it from the heart. I want it to be seen in my eyes. I am a good person, funny as hell to be around once you know me. And I love to be that actress everyone thinks is so cute. Its the actress that is actually me that I dont show anyone. People around me enjoy when the wall comes down and I shine. I feel worthy today, not blowing my own horn... journaling really. I deserve all the happiness in the world. Im on the down side of now a 3 day manic so tonight I will be blessed with sleep because one can only stay in this state for so long and you crash. Crash and burn because it takes a few more days to level and adjust back to schedule. I need ya'll to be aware that my conviction towards my recovery lessens dramtically and quickly while in mania/not sleeping/eating. I just cant afford that. If a medication can make me level enough to cope a little better that increases my chances considerably. Im so determined but when I had the 'a pill would make all of this stop and fill me up... thats all it would take, that and 30 mintues to kick in' thought last night, it scared the hell out of me. I instantly journaled 'sleep deprivation, if anything, will be the factor that drives me back to my doc. I ask ya'll to try to remember that my mania puts me back into my addict mind. Its what I know best so its what works when Im so tired Im hardly working at all.

04-20-2006, 09:07 PM	#14 (permalink)
rose petals alcohol-kicked-my butt Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: oregon Posts: 198	hey beachbabe-- i take 500 mg depakote and 80 mg prozac everyday for ocd primarily--works very well-i have never had any withdrawls from these meds like you get from drugs and alcohol so dont worry about that--if you are able financially to hang out at home all day it is fine--just do what is comfortable and be gentle with yourself--stop shoulding youreslf--i believe in time things will begin to level--there is no shame in counting ceiling tiles if it keeps you calm--and then as time goes you can do a bit more and a bit more--that is how i do it--works very well--take care! laura __________________ Desperate times call for desperate measures

04-20-2006, 09:24 PM	#15 (permalink)
daydream Obsessed Pug Momma Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Probably at Wal-Mart Posts: 1,275	Hey Beachbabe, I hope you GO for it!! Zoloft is an excellent SSRI (MAO's truly are last resort, so I hope you don't ever have to deal with that class of drugs). In 1999 after 2 years of trying so hard to live my 12 step program without meds for depression, I finally gave in. I had a sponsor who refused to sponsor me if I took meds, and I truly didn't want to take them, but I could not function at work or anywhere else. I had to change sponsors, but it was worth it. I too wish I had taken them years earlier. Zoloft changed my life and changed it quickly. It worked very well for several years before the effectiveness wore off and I had to switch. One precaution: Some people like myself have severe agitation when first starting Zoloft. I started at 50 mg which was too strong for me. The agitation went away after about 3 days. At one point I got lazy about taking it and quit for a few months. When I started again at 50 mg I got the same intense agitation for a few days. The last time I started at 25mg and then bumped up to 50 after a few days with no problems at all. I'm not a doctor, so I can't tell ya what to do, but keep that in mind. And remember that it usually takes a few weeks for the med to build up in your system enough to see the mood improvement. Good luck!! And BTW, I never had any withdrawal symptoms. __________________ ~~~ Love ME, Love my PUGS! ~~~ Last edited by daydream; 04-20-2006 at 09:30 PM. Reason: add sentence

04-20-2006, 10:05 PM	#16 (permalink)
2dayzmuse Paused Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Washington Posts: 5,083	I'm a firm believer in anti depressants. If you are subscribed an RX and aren't abusing them, go for it. I've been taking Wellbutrin for a couple years now, and I'm very happy with the results. If it will help you live a good, happy, sober life, go for it. All meds aren't bad. They only become that way when we abuse them. You don't have to live your life unhappy and isolated. Sobriety is meant to be enjoyed.

04-21-2006, 06:22 AM	#18 (permalink)
BSPGirl Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Nowhere Posts: 896	Well it's up to you whether to fill the prescription or not. Also feel free to report back to your dr if it's not working or if the side effects are worse than the positive effects but yes definitely give it a chance after you weighed the pro's and con's for yourself but don't feel like you're busy getting addicted again. You can however share those concerns with your dr too, be open and a good dr will understand this. Also a good dr can refer you to some therapy. In my own experience this 'not leaving the house' thing has a lot to do with just starting something...even if it's something small...simple...like going to the gym once a week...joining some kinda club...and analyse in your mind whether this is enough. Do you feel you got an appropriate social network? Are you happy with the way you're living now? Evaluate. Nobody forces you into anything, if you are happy hardly ever going out, it's perfectly fine too. Don't live up to others their expectations, only yours. That's what I'm learning as of late. hugs

04-21-2006, 07:00 AM	#19 (permalink)
Beachbabe Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: On a Boat in the Gulf Posts: 312	This is my Drs title... ya'll take it from there. I dont know one head Dr from another. She works under an M.D. and she is an ARNP, C.S whatever in da hell dat is. Do you think this person is qualified enough to be my therepist... with my problems. ALL THE BITCH DOES IS NOD HER F'ING HEAD FOR 280.00 AN HR. Just makes me so mad. The last visit she asked me how I felt about my therepy so far. I said "you want me to tell you what you want to hear, or the truth because that often hurts". She chose truth. Poor girl. I said: Although I appreciate being able to take advantage of therepy I honestly feel like I could tie a sting on my sons bobble head doll, talk, stop and pull the sting to make the head nod. I would then be getting just as much help with that. Do something besides umm hmm and nodding your head. ADD something to the conversation. Even being an addict I dont want to talk about ME for a solid hr while someone just says mmm hmm and nods. PISSES ME OFF. She was shocked to say the least and thats when she wrote the Zoloft 'script. As far as my phobias about getting out: I dont deal well with idiots and thats something I have to work on because face it, most americans have the IQ of the average life span. Uhm... that would be low. I get very angry when people do stupid things and with me, anger leads to violence. I dont need to get locked up so I stay at home. Let me think of an example: Ok, here we go... something immature but an everyday occurance that most deal with fine. Someone is driving 20 in a 55 MPH zone. It literally makes my head want to pop off. Then, if they are unfortunate enough to not realize whom and what they are dealing with and dont speed up... there is going to be problems. I lose it. I might get beside them and call them something stupid and flip them off, then with the maturity of a 10 yr old I might then get in front of them and go 10 MPH, they try to pass... I speed up. And if Im reaaaaaally lucky this will culminate into me either getting to beat the crap out of someone or get the crap beaten out of me... I never care. I just want to throw fists. Its scary too because people that arent just right in the head have crazy strenght is what I call it. Because I starve myself just as another way of hurting me I am beginning to realize, Im not even close to 100 pds. Im small framed so I sort of get by with it but if I knew the truth in everyones mind... Im probably not fooling anyone. Anyway, when I get mad like that I can fight grown men and win. NO FEAR. Cant wait to park and tear into their asses. Oh, and they will hit back too lol. Which is fine by me, hell Im always the attacker. Id hit me too. My phobias are about being scared of ME in public whereas others seem to be getting around people. Im not worried about the people. I just know they should be worried about me and dont even know it. I just always pray nothing flips my switch and I make it home short of jail. This is why my husband only mentally abuses me because the first time he put his hands on me I bout beat his 5'9 180 pd butt to death before he finally fleed. Yep, fleed. Crazy strenght is what I call it. He is a mean a$$ Italian and I sent his a$$ scooting. Never ever let on like he was going to lay his hands on me again. Nipped that in the bud. So, in light of this post, zoloft sounds like the right drug for me? Im a sweet girl. Im just mean and crazy when Im messed with. Its like I was kicked in the teeth sense I popped out of my mom and one day a switch flipped and I had enough... and came out fighting... anyone that would play into it with me.

04-21-2006, 07:14 AM	#20 (permalink)
rose petals alcohol-kicked-my butt Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: oregon Posts: 198	eeek!!--lol--take care beachbabe --i dont know about the anger thing, that hasnt been a thhing for me--i dont know if meds would even that out or not-- laura __________________ Desperate times call for desperate measures

04-21-2006, 07:21 AM	#21 (permalink)
Beachbabe Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: On a Boat in the Gulf Posts: 312	Kahlia: As I went back to re-read your post something struck me that I missed that last time. I have a hottub in my bathroom. I have (more than once) entertained the idea of feeling it up, taking about 20 mils of Xanax and blank. If I didnt it that way my family wouldnt have any mess to clean up. God, never told anyone that. And when I romance the idea it makes me feel powerful again. I even know what type blade I would use... one of those double blade razor blades thats so sharp you have to be careful handling them because you will get cut badly and not even realize it. It would be a nice hot bubble bath... I have thought it out in every detail. I only wish I could be so selfish. I honestly do. Im not scared to do it, I'll do it on a dare... if it wasnt for my kids. I cant do that to my kids. Its the *****, selfish way out and I dont want to go down in history in such a pathetic way. My pride and my kids are all that keeps me alive and breathing.