New Again to Recovery

[Catherine W.]

I just have had to make up my mind finally to just quit smoking pot. I can't moderate as I thought I was able to for a while. Then I didn't think it was that important to try too hard, considering everything I am going through with chronic pain.

At about the same time, I have decided to stop my anti-depressant (also prescribed for peripheral neuropathy), because I am bipolar and I couldn't sleep or eat after a while and just felt like I was going to get really sick and fall over from the medications I have been on.

I have been on a variety of psych medications throughout my life and I just feel I have reached a critical mass of pharmaceutical toxicity or something.
So I am going through Cymbalta withdrawal and went back to my old stand-by, very low side effects, Wellbutrin.

At the same too, I decided to stop taking methadone which was prescribed to me for chronic pain. I never took a very high dose, at the most 30 mg in a day and the usual about 15mg. But it still is heal finally giving up the 2.5 mgs. that I tapered down to.

I had to apply for SSDI because of my injuries and my worsened bipolar state and the govt. and every county paid psychologist or shrink has tried to lable me as a once opioid addict, which is not true. I still have so many percocets and vicodins left and I hate all of this stuff, but I was in so much pain, that finally methadone was all that worked and I had to have a shrink give it to me because my auto insurance refused to authorize a pain management program, which I am now finally in and getting some physical relief from.

I just want to see if it isn't too late to heal from all these chemicals and all the other stuff I've done or that has been done to my body.

I am almost 40, have a hard time eating, can't sleep without trazadone (an older, mild anti-depressant), and I just want off the merry go-round finally.

I want to have a clear head so I can start digging myself out more efficiently. I want to get out of Ohio and have a career again or at least if I still need disability, no one will be trying to brand me as an opioid abuser because I had to take methadone. I am tired of govt. persecution over a drug they defend for heroine addicts and know damn well it was made for pain.

At least if I am pretty much as possible drug and substance free, I will know where I really stand and they will know what really needs attention at my injury sites.

The problem is, I am just really depressed and tomorrow will be my first day off of pot as well. that just has to go. I can't even afford it and I am sick of it. I was using that for my moods that medication wans't helping alone and pain.

I am not a 12-step person, so please do not talk to me about that. Recovery to me has always been a personal issues. I beat my eating disorder without OA making it worse. I quite drinking without AA seeming to trigger slips in me, and I will get through this as well.

Thanks,
Catherine W.

[lulu70]

Hello Catherine--Welcome to SR! Glad you found us. This is a great place to get and give support and encouragment. I feel I must warn you, though--A large number of us do use 12-step programs for recovery. Almost everyone involved in those programs absolutely respects other people's methods of recovery and will not try to shove the steps down your throat. However, if you ask what works for us, we will have to share out own experience, and that may include the 12-steps. Please forgive us all in advance!

I, for one, am glad you are here and wish you the best in your quest for abstinence. I gave up pot (and alcohol) two years ago and it was the best thing I could ever have done for myself. I hope you will keep posting and look forward to getting to know you....

[In memory of miracle]

Welcome Catherine, I can relate.Glad your here, and looking foward to hering more from you.
Bless, Trish

[CarolD]

Glad you are here. Welcome!

I suggest you
check out the Substance Abuse section for information

[nogard]

Welcome to SR, glad you found us

[Steve58]

Hi Catherine,

Welcome to SR. I cannot do the "12 steps" either, and I have been going it alone, with a little help from my friends here. Stick around, and post often! I have found lots of good reading here, and 100's of reasons not to drink.

Good luck with your recovery, the best of your life is ahead of you, glad to see you getting it together now. ITS NOT TOO LATE TO HEAL!!!

S

[naturelover]

Hi Catherine! By your post count it looks like you've been here before so... welcome back?

I'm another non- 12-stepper. I am using my spirituality (neo-paganism) and Rational Recovery among other things for my recovery.

I commend you for recognizing what needs to be done... that's a great first step!! Keep us posted on your progress!

Blessings to you as you start your road to discovery and recovery.

[Catherine W.]

Thank you for the welcome back again, everyone. I appreciate the support which is much needed. Yes, I was here before but decided I needed marijuana for pain control, until it just got a point where I couldn't regulate it for that even. So I am off that and Methadone and Cymbalta all at once. I just know it has to be done, but I am very sick from it all. Even though I said I do not do 12-step meetings, I may pop into one or two for inspiration. But otherwise, I am going to rely on art and natural healing methods for mind and body to help me through. I decided the second half of my life is going to be better than the first half. Thanks again, everyone and it's okay if you talk about 12-step stuff. A while back I was touchy about it as I was revisiting some old father wounds (he is in AA), and I just was not in a place to process that very well. But you know, this is really harder than I thought it would be. I have always been either addicted to one thing or another. Put down one thing, pick up another. That is what is hard.