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Old 12-15-2005, 11:52 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy why do i struggle.........

why do i struggle with whether i'm an alcoholic or not? why do i struggle with whether i want to quit drinking or not? I feel like I'm living a double life. I really want to make my life better, I want to be happy for once in my life, but the problem is (besides alcohol) that I seem to be only person concerned about my life. My husband doesn't think my drinking is a problem (if he does he doesn't say anything...communication is not one of our strong points). I have been in self destruct mode for a while now, I think I'm just looking for someone to tell me they care, that i do indeed have a problem, and i think most of all i want it to be my husband. I want him to want me to get help, to attend AA meetings if thats what it takes. I have tried to quit in the past and did attend meetings, but I think he felt threatened or resentful. He doesn't come from a family of alcoholics so he doesn't understand the purpose of AA. I had to limit my number of meetings to 2/week to make him happy. I guess maybe that's my biggest problem is trying to make everyone else happy. Right now i'm struggling.......somedays i wonder how i can scream for help so someone will hear me (DWI? Single car Accident? Both?). I can't even really use this website for support because I can only check it out from work (my husband wouldn't understand). I'm just babbling now, don't even know why i felt compelled to write this. I guess i just need to put my feelings into words. Thanks all.
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Old 12-15-2005, 12:11 PM   #2 (permalink)
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You sound exactly how I used to feel. I think my problem was denial. My husband is the same as yours. Not real supportive of AA. Not sure why. But, there are other ways.

It took me deciding that my life was more valuable than my marriage and I stood up to him. It has not always been easy, but we are still together.

Do you hide your drinking from your husband? Just curious.

keep on coming back to SR and hang in there.

xoxoxo

Ang
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Old 12-15-2005, 12:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Oh and P.S., I CARE and so does everyone else here.

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Old 12-15-2005, 12:16 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by igfan
why do i struggle with whether i'm an alcoholic or not? why do i struggle with whether i want to quit drinking or not? I feel like I'm living a double life. I really want to make my life better, I want to be happy for once in my life, but the problem is (besides alcohol) that I seem to be only person concerned about my life. My husband doesn't think my drinking is a problem (if he does he doesn't say anything...communication is not one of our strong points). I have been in self destruct mode for a while now, I think I'm just looking for someone to tell me they care, that i do indeed have a problem, and i think most of all i want it to be my husband. I want him to want me to get help, to attend AA meetings if thats what it takes. I have tried to quit in the past and did attend meetings, but I think he felt threatened or resentful. He doesn't come from a family of alcoholics so he doesn't understand the purpose of AA. I had to limit my number of meetings to 2/week to make him happy. I guess maybe that's my biggest problem is trying to make everyone else happy. Right now i'm struggling.......somedays i wonder how i can scream for help so someone will hear me (DWI? Single car Accident? Both?). I can't even really use this website for support because I can only check it out from work (my husband wouldn't understand). I'm just babbling now, don't even know why i felt compelled to write this. I guess i just need to put my feelings into words. Thanks all.
You've raised more than one issue, igfan. First, you ask why you struggle w/whether or not you're alcoholic. What happens when you decide you're not going to drink? Do you crave it? Do you go back to it to deal with emotions? Most people will tell you that if you start questioning whether or not you're alcoholic, you probably are. Most normal drinkers never approach that question because it doesn't occur to them.

The other part of it, not getting help because of your husband's feelings -- well, I can totally relate. People-pleasing was one of my biggest shortcomings. We want to keep the peace, keep everyone happy, not make any waves. Is your drinking having any effect on your marriage? You say your husband doesn't think you have a drinking problem. Does he drink? As much as you do? Often, if someone acknowledges a problem in others, it forces them to examine their own behavior.

The last thing that really concerns me about your post is that you are entertaining thoughts of causing something to happen in order to force your husband to care about your problem. If you're a victim of alcoholism, then he has to respond in a manner that shows he loves you and cares about you...? These are thoughts I have also shared. In my case, they didn't work. They nearly resulted in my death. Please try to look at them for what they are -- an unhealthy plea for help and an attempt to manipulate someone else's feelings.

One of the many reasons I drank (other than the fact that I'm an alcoholic and it was normal for me to drink)) was because I always looked to external sources for my happiness. I've been working on it for a long time, and I still slip into that kind of thinking/feeling, but it's been getting a lot better. You can get better, too...but you may have to do some things that aren't comfortable for you to do and another person used to you doing things a different way is probably not going to understand. The bottom line is that alcoholism is a chronic, progressive, and often fatal disease. It doesn't get better unless treated. AA is my treatment.

Do you pray, igfan? I'm saying a prayer for you right now.

Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Old 12-15-2005, 12:24 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Hello....

I am no help with marriages....been happoly divorced for years.

I can tell you that until I completely acknowledged the fact that drinking will kill me I did not stay sober.

I do hope you find a way to save yourself.

Blessings...
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Old 12-15-2005, 12:41 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Hi and welcome.

Well I waited a long time for anyone to tell me something about my drinking. It never happened and wouldn't have mattered anyway. If your ready don't let anything or anyone stop you. I raise an eyebrow to someone who remains unsupportive to what works. Perhaps this sounds horrible, some people prefer their spouces in a subordinate role and like to remain in control.
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Old 12-15-2005, 12:41 PM   #7 (permalink)
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[U]Do you hide your drinking from your husband?
no, it's actually how we spend most of our time together.

Does he drink? As much as you do?
yes, except he doesn't ever question whether he has a problem or not, says he can take it or leave it.
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Old 12-15-2005, 12:41 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Do you hide your drinking from your husband? Just curious.
OR

Quote:
Does he drink? As much as you do?
If you don't believe you have a problem, there would be no need to hide your drinking. And, only you can decide if you are an alcoholic.

If he drinks, too...even if he's only a social drinker...he still may feel threatened because he's either losing his drinking partner in you, or feels he may have to change his drinking habits because or in support of you.

Whatever the case may be...getting and staying sober may be a life saver for you! Quit struggling...easy does it! Don't drink, make what regular meetings you're able to, post/read here at SR as often as you can...

Quote:
I think I'm just looking for someone to tell me they care.
Care about yourself, even if no one else does...but, be assured that we at SR do care...about you and each other!!!
 
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Old 12-15-2005, 02:08 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Welcome igfan. We do care. Please read around and see where you can identify. There's lots of information and support here.

Sherry
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