Dating A Recovering Addict - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Krismaswish · 11-01-2005, 04:13 PM

Wow Im glad I found this site. I have been looking for more information. I have been dating an addict who has never had a sober relationship until this one. He keeps telling me he needs to "take it slow" and he appears to be moving in the right direction. I keep fighting the thoughts that maybe he is "just not into me" and cant tell me. Can anyone maybe help me understand him a little better? He tells me that if he leaps too fast he might relapse. At the same time he really makes no effort to pursue a relationship with me, but if I dont call or make an effort to see him, he is hurt. How do I handle this? Am I just not understanding him? (I read books and attend meeting in an attempt to understand what support he needs, but I never get much information on relationships.)

**51anna** · 11-01-2005, 04:18 PM

Hi Kris,

Welcome! I'm glad you found us.

You might want to check out the Friends and Family Forum on this board. You can find it by scrolling down the main page. I think you'll find lots of support there.

Irish Virus · 11-01-2005, 04:24 PM

It depends what kind of meetings he is attending. AA emphasizes no relationships or major decisions for a year. I say hogwash to this, but a lot of people follow it.

I don't know what he is addicted to, but I can tell you this as a drunk who has learned a thing or two in a short time. We never know when something is going to rock your world and leave you defenseless against the evils of addiction. The death of a loved one, the loss of a job, or a romantic relationship that went to hell in a handbasket: these are just a few examples of what could make a person say "screw it".

In your case he is probably being careful of not being hurt. Let's say he falls in love with you and you dump him for a traveling salesman or something. Not that you are going to do it, but this is what could set him off if he goes to fast.

Best of luck in your relationship.

11-01-2005, 04:13 PM	#1 (permalink)
Krismaswish Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Upland, CA Posts: 1	Dating A Recovering Addict Wow Im glad I found this site. I have been looking for more information. I have been dating an addict who has never had a sober relationship until this one. He keeps telling me he needs to "take it slow" and he appears to be moving in the right direction. I keep fighting the thoughts that maybe he is "just not into me" and cant tell me. Can anyone maybe help me understand him a little better? He tells me that if he leaps too fast he might relapse. At the same time he really makes no effort to pursue a relationship with me, but if I dont call or make an effort to see him, he is hurt. How do I handle this? Am I just not understanding him? (I read books and attend meeting in an attempt to understand what support he needs, but I never get much information on relationships.)

11-01-2005, 04:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
51anna Forum Leader Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 11,165	Hi Kris, Welcome! I'm glad you found us. You might want to check out the Friends and Family Forum on this board. You can find it by scrolling down the main page. I think you'll find lots of support there. __________________ Anna "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou

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11-01-2005, 04:24 PM	#3 (permalink)
Irish Virus Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Charlotte,NC Posts: 168	It depends what kind of meetings he is attending. AA emphasizes no relationships or major decisions for a year. I say hogwash to this, but a lot of people follow it. I don't know what he is addicted to, but I can tell you this as a drunk who has learned a thing or two in a short time. We never know when something is going to rock your world and leave you defenseless against the evils of addiction. The death of a loved one, the loss of a job, or a romantic relationship that went to hell in a handbasket: these are just a few examples of what could make a person say "screw it". In your case he is probably being careful of not being hurt. Let's say he falls in love with you and you dump him for a traveling salesman or something. Not that you are going to do it, but this is what could set him off if he goes to fast. Best of luck in your relationship.

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