ohhh well.. I went back, I came back... I have no idea whats going on.

[Brutal Truth]

I'm pretty sure this is a kind of "cliche" topic like... but here it goes anyway

after about a period of 4 months into sobriety and regain some of those things that are mentioned in the promises, the fear was gone, I have (or at least I think I still have) a job and I was able to function within society like every other person, so I decided to pick up, at first it was a couple of tokes form a joint, or so I thought, I was able to hold up for a couple of days without doing anything else, so I tried again, but this time I would pick up some alcohol, never beers, always directly to the liquor and drank 1/8 of a bottle, this are little bottles that I thought if I bought this little bottles instead of the big ones...

I wouldnt get so messed up and everything would be fine, so the testing started, and It kind of worked for a week or two, but I had to had more, so I decided if this little 1/8 bottles dont leave me so hung over lets see if we, me and my committee, can handle 1/4 of bottles a night. and all of these while smoking pot daily, but since the pot made it to be possible to be knocked out with so little alcohol why not smoke it then. and so 4 months passed... till I got in contact with cocaine again, wich I know I was specting to ran into, and this last month its been horrible, I'm terrified, and last nite I was so afraid to close my eyes because all of the flashbacks that would come to my mind of the things I was doing on coke. so I decided to quit again... I really tried to stay sober today... I really did... I went to a meeting at noon, which I happened to be all braindead at the moment, but I heard I couple of interesting things that I'm still kind of feeling weird about... things like revolving doors, damn it... I really wish I could remember what the other guy said... well but it was all for nothing... cuz when I got and was alone in my room... going all crazy... I decided to go to the trash can outside my house and pick up some weed I had thrown in there earlier today. I feel so useless right now...


now I'm here... and I also happened to had a couple of shots of rubbing alcohol. since I'm too scare to go outside to buy booze. thinking yo my self

WHY DID I PICKED UP ???

I still cant figure it out...

[best]

Originally Posted by Brutal Truth

WHY DID I PICKED UP ???

I still cant figure it out...

More then likely because you listened to the committee and bought their lies.

Go ahead, you can handle just a little. Don't worry, only "other" people have problems...you can handle Some smoke and drink.

Progressive addiction is what you seen happen, right before your eyes.

Take the lessoned learned and keep on trying. Sooner or later, you will come to realize... none at all is the best way.
Sober is better (as you will find in time)
I am sure you know all this. It is a matter of accepting it and feeling it in your heart maybe? Look over step one and see what it says to you now.

[Greenbug]

OK, so you picked up. It obviously bothers you or you wouldnt have posted
If you dont want to "pick up" THEN DONT!
meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings

Did I say meetings?
We are are worst enemies. Our worst critics, our many other things. Whatever you did that was YESTERDAY, now what are you going to do today? "picking up" is a choice.
Just DONT make that choice again.

OK, off my soap box...
GB

[jbm125]

Hi Brutal Truth....you dog you<BG>. Think about strawberries. I love strawberries, especially when they are fresh. At the height of the season, I think, "I'll have 1 or 2 abd that won't make my allergies kick in. And they don't. So the next time I have a chance I'll eat 4 or 5 and when I don't have an allergisc reaction I figure I'm OK. The next time I get strawberries I eat a quart and ny face breaks out, I itch terribly and i think , "that's enuf", and then I want more I'm allergic to strawberries.
Read or reread 'The Doctor's Opinion". I have an allergy to booze. I drink a litle bit and I'ts kinda OK. Then I drink a little more and that's OK too. By that time I'm ready to buy a liter of vodka and I'm sure it won't have a big impact on me. (HA) It destroys me for days.
Rubbing alcohol? Let us know when the funeral will be.
You picked up cuz you're an alcoholic. You picked up cuz you thought you could kill the pain for an hour or 2. You picked up cuz you're not working the program, calling your sponsor and/or other drunks, going to meetings, praying; and you're being selfish. You're not only hurting yourself but also those who still care about you.
God bless