I Almost Drank Tonight

[Lilalkie]

I had a bad day. I went to work and my boss was being unpleasant, then I came home and found out that the people who were going to buy our house couldn't get the loan to work out, and then I was supposed to go out of town to visit my sister, and then I found out her husband's grandfather died and they would have to cancel the trip. I got angry and ranted and raved and pouted (at God. He seemed like the only one to get mad at at the time). I said, "I'm doing the right thing. Getting my life together and this is how you repay me? Well, I just don't care anymore. I'm going to get good and drunk." I was sorely tempted. But then I called my sister back and we had a good talk and I felt better.
But I was so very close to giving in. At that particular moment, I really didn't care about sobriety anymore. I was so angry and depressed that I wanted to get rid of the pain immediately. It's hard to feel real emotions sometimes. I overreacted, and though I'm still a little shaky, I know I will wake up tomorrow morning, glad I didn't drink tonight.

[Chy]

I'm glad you worked through that Lil, remember that nothing is ever worth screwing with your sobriety, no matter how painful, frustrating, or aggravating, to pick up is not the answer. *hugs* I'm sorry it was such a bad day, but you did good, real good!

[FunWhenDrunk]

I'm sorry Lilalkie. If it helps any I felt the exact same way today. Found out this morning I'm being sued. I wanted to drink sooooooooo much to ease the fear and pain of that. But somehow I managed to not drink. I went jogging instead. I was one angry jogger let me tell you. LOL I probably scared the people I passed but I'm still here and sober.

Stress sucks because we think alcohol will soothe it but all it does is make it worse. Congrats on another sober day!

[wantpom]

Lilalkie,
I understand. I had "one of those days" today, as well. So, I just went to AA meeting all night. Talked to other AA members, and then came home and "locked my self in my apartment" and logged onto SR.com. It was definitely a white-knuckle night. But, I feel all the better in the morning for not drinking. And, tomorrow will likely be a much better day.
Hang in there.

[fishyfishy]

Im sorry about your day but im so proud and happy you didnt turn to the bottle ! that was very brave.

[CarolD]

Way to go on keeping sober!

[Andy F]

An example of unconditional sobriety.

[hopealwayz]

You showed your strength in the situation. Good thing you did not drink, things would have only been worse. When you remain sober, things work themselves out.

I'm glad you did not pick up. It will get better Lil. Trust in the process.
Hugs to you--

[Time4Me]

Way to fight Lilalki!

It is so inspirational to hear that you squarely faced the demon down and won!

Please remember to give yourself big time credit...the rest will work itself out.

[sherbear5104]

(((Lilalkie)))

Sorry you had such a bad day yesterday. Glad to hear that you didn't pick up that drink. This disease is a tricky little thing and definately knows when to make the thought of a drink look good. However, it is never a good choice. You did good by talking about it. Praying that today will be a better day for you!

Sherry

[Jazz]

I know how you feel, Lilalkie. Yesterday my husband was on my case from the minute he got up. I was upset and determined to get drunk. I just kept thinking about everyone here and how so many of us struggle.
I reminded myself that I'm not alone! ...and instead of going to the liquor store...I went out and bought myself some flowers.

I feel great today, how about you? Better?

[Carol87]

"Almost drank" is definitely better than "I did drink" -- Conrgratulations on putting your sobriety first!

[Lilalkie]

Thanks guys! I really love the support here! Well, it turns out, that I get to visit my sister after all, so I will be leaving this weekend until Tuesday. I'm looking forward to seeing her. We're pretty close and I can't wait to talk to her and share about my new life. I'm going to be in Charlotte, NC. I want to check out an AA meeting while I'm there, and also see what meetings in other states are like.
I am glad I didn't drink. As I was laying down to sleep last night, I realized once again how cunning, baffling and powerful the disease is, and how it truly makes us insane. I was willing to throw away all my hard work and determination, my renewing relationship with hubby, and everything else, just to have one night of drunkeness. It's ridiculous. I'm glad God gave me the strength to resist, even though I was angry at Him at the time. Hee hee.

[In memory of miracle]

"Thinking about drinking doesn't get us drunk it's picking up the drink that can " I am so glad you got thru it and are going to visit your sister. Thanks for posting that.

[Kahlia]

Originally Posted by Lilalkie

I had a bad day. I went to work and my boss was being unpleasant, then I came home and found out that the people who were going to buy our house couldn't get the loan to work out, and then I was supposed to go out of town to visit my sister, and then I found out her husband's grandfather died and they would have to cancel the trip. I got angry and ranted and raved and pouted (at God. He seemed like the only one to get mad at at the time). I said, "I'm doing the right thing. Getting my life together and this is how you repay me? Well, I just don't care anymore. I'm going to get good and drunk." I was sorely tempted. But then I called my sister back and we had a good talk and I felt better.
But I was so very close to giving in. At that particular moment, I really didn't care about sobriety anymore. I was so angry and depressed that I wanted to get rid of the pain immediately. It's hard to feel real emotions sometimes. I overreacted, and though I'm still a little shaky, I know I will wake up tomorrow morning, glad I didn't drink tonight.

Lil-We all have our share of BAD days....it comes in waves...good times and then ten bad things....I used to rant and rave at God....WHY??? Now, I just say "THIS IS A TEST". I really believe that we get more sh*t than most people because we are able to use tools to deal with it...just think if you did NOT know how???? Not good.....that is why there are still people "out" there......Kahlia.....you did amazing......YEAH

[mackat]

heh lil

write down your last post.

i wrote stuff like that in my early recovery journal so now, when the $hit hits the fan, i can truly see that "this too shall pass"

and that all the lessons and all the miracles are still unfolding in my life