Do i have a problem?

[fishyfishy]

Hiya all my name is Bonnie and i am 21 years old. I have been drinking since i was 13. First of all i started just experimenting with drink as all teenagers do, but then i realised that i maybe liked it more than the avrage person. I started to do it every weekend then. At 17 i have been drinking for 4 years but it didnt really do me any harm. Then i got raped one night i was out drunk (Im really sorry for going into so much detail) anyway, after this a started to drink everyday, anything i could get my hands on, cider,wine,lagar, just anything. I was no longer drinking to have a good time and be social, i was drinking to get as blootered as i possably could. It got to the point where i was coming home every night and being very abusive to my mother, sleeping about and cutting my arms, but guess what? i couldnt remember a thing! i would take 5 hour black outs and had no idea where i was the night before. I was stuck in a rut. I remember saying to my "drinking buddies" that i despratly needed out of it, and they used to just say "Stop then" but i couldnt. Everyday i would wake up with this dreadfull feeling of "Doom" but i just carryed on drinking. Eventually though, i dont know what the turning point was, but i just started to drink less. I started drinking maybe 3 times a week rather than everyday, but i would still get plastered and black out, i just didnt know when to stop (Still dont)

Anyway, to cut a long story short, i met my boyfriend and i now have a lovely baby girl. I am so happy with my life. At the moment i am only drinking about once a week but it is the same old ****. My boyfriend says he wants me to cut it out altogether because hes frightened of me when drunk. Not phisically but verbally. He says i am a different person when drunk. Although i dont drink everyday, i still get the urge to go on a blow out quite often, i have tryed drinking less when i am drinking but i cant. I seem just to always go that one step to far. What makes me think i might have a problem is that if i only drink once a week then why cant i cut it out? but to be honest, the thought of never drinking again sounds boring and i do not know what id do without letting my hair down once in a while.


Am i an alcholic?

[mishelly]

Hi Bonnie...welcome to SR. Mishelly here, alkie/addict...only you can diagnose whether or not you are an alcoholic, but here's some info that might help you figure it out...I put in bold type some of the things that screamed out at me when I was asking the same questions as you are now.

From the Big Book of AA, The Doctor's Opinion
We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all; and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve.

From the Big Book of AA, More About Alcoholism
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

Hope this helps...

[CarolD]

Glad you joined SR Bonnie..

I am an alcoholic in AA recovery.

As far as I know..Blackouts are symptoms of alcohol abuse.
So is drinking more than you want once you begin.

Blessings to the 3 of you..

[Chy]

Hi Bonnie and welcome!
You have to decide and by living in the moment one day at a time sober you don't have to worry about "never again". It takes practice, but it can be done. You'll know when your ready.

Blackouts, inability to stop, family problems don't weigh heavily in your favor already, think about it. We're here and can offer a great deal of support.

[3legacy]

(((((((Bonnie)))))))
Welcome to SR! My name is Brett, an alcoholic and very grateful to have eventually found A.A. You sound quite a bit like me back in my early years of drinking. Wish I would have been able to diagnose myself as an alcoholic back then before I lost many a relationship, custody of my son, etc... Grateful though that when I finally wound up at A.A.'s doors, they even allowed me to diagnose myself.

They shared much of their own stories with their personal drinking dilemma and suggested I open the Big Book to see if it spoke about me personally. It did! They shared what they did to get out from under the merciless obsession many alcoholics like myself find we have placed ourselves. I had significant others, counselors, judges, family members and many others always willing to diagnose me as a drunk. I never really understood what it meant until it was too late for me to quit & stay quit on my own.

I would suggest picking up a copy of and reading the Big Book "Alcoholics Anonymous". Pretty cheap mechanizm for self-diagnosis from my perspective. They go for about $6.00 at my Home Group and I know versions of it are also available online as well. Someone should be by shortly to post a link possibly. Look forward to reading your posts and seeing what decision you make down the road.

Kiss Heart of Spirit In Love & Service,
3 Legacy

[teenamer]

Hi Bonnie!
Q: Am I an alcoholic? A: I agree with the rest of our friends. I am if I say so. With deep gratitude, I have been sober since my first AA meeting on Nov. 06,1991 only because of the Grace of God and the fellowship of AA. I was 48 years old, separated from a caring husband, 3 children and 7 grandchildren. I had reached the end of the road, lonely and miserable. Aren,t you really blessed? The greatest gift is now in your hands. I pray that you choose what's best for you a day at a time. I still cuss and rant a bit but at least I do it sober. My son is also in this fellowship and 2 of my grandkids (now 10 of them) are potential candidates. I feel safe that whatever grace was given to me could also be given to them. Thank you for your story.

[wantpom]

Hi Bonnie. Kudo's to you for asking for help. That is the first and hardest step. I wish I would have done so at an earlier age. It is a progressive disease so it only gets worse. Frightening! I WISH I would have recognized it (BEEN HONEST WITH MYSELF) at a younger age I could have saved myself lots of pain. I would suggest calling the AA Intergroup in your town and they will give you information for AA meetings (times and places). Try going to some meetings. The people there will be very welcoming and accepting. And, NOT judgemental. You may find that the meetings provide you with "some peace". But, it is your decision.

Best of luck to you.

Ws

[ozcodep]

hi bonnie,
have you considered any counseling?
i have been getting counseling for the last 3 months and have found it be very helpful, i have experienced alot of trauma in my childhood and teenage years and it got to a point where i was starting to self harm and harm others, we can act out in many diffrent ways. i found that my counseling gave me the oportunity to face those traumas and in doing so, it is easing THE PRESSURE that led me to offend/drink/self harm.

alot of my trauma revolved around my parents arguing and the violence/threat of violence that came with it, i grew up with tremendous fear, even today, as soon as anyone around me starts to argue a point i instinctively become fearful.
welcome and thanks for telling your story, it certainly helps to talk about it.
brad

[mishelly]

(((((((Bonnie)))))))

I would suggest picking up a copy of and reading the Big Book "Alcoholics Anonymous". Pretty cheap mechanizm for self-diagnosis from my perspective. They go for about $6.00 at my Home Group and I know versions of it are also available online as well. Someone should be by shortly to post a link possibly. 3 Legacy


Here's the link...I have it set up as a favorite on my computer.

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm/

[hopealwayz]

(((Bonnie))) I hope you are doing well today.

[lulu70]

Hello, Bonnie. Welcome to SR! As most of the other posters have said, only you can decide if you are an alcoholic. However, the fact that you have to ask tells alot. My name is Laura and I am a gratefully recovering alkie/pot-head with a precious 14 months of sobriety. Without the help of the program of Alcholics Anonymous, I could not have come this far. My drinking habits were much like yours.

I hope you will post again and let us know how you are doing! Hang in there.

[KEEGANSDAD]

All these, and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.


The Above is from The Doctors Opinion

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

Have you tried a AA Meeting ?

Goog Luck,
Lots of support here,

Keegansdad