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Old 03-10-2005, 07:57 AM   #1 (permalink)
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What do sober people do for fun?

Ok, so I'm working on a month sober, and thus far I have avoided all of my drinking friends...which is basically ALL of my friends. I've had some nice sober times w/ my husband, so that has helped. But otherwise I've been kind of couped up here at home. I did attend a meeting yesterday and can see how down the road these people could become good friends.

Up until now, my social life has revolved around drinking activities.

My question to you all is: What do you guys do for fun? I want a hobby, or activity, or something to feel as PASSIONATE about as I did for drinking. I sort of feel a void right now...like being unfulfilled. I know everyone is going to have different activities based on their interests, locations, age, etc, but I would love some ideas!

Please respond!
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Old 03-10-2005, 08:03 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Well, this weekend me and a bunch of friends and kids are all going snow tubing at Seven Springs Ski Resort..We are planning on having a blast! I'm looking forward to it..This coming summer, I am looking forward to going camping with my children, having a bonfire, making mountain pies and roasting marshmallows..Also I go mountain biking on the bike trail and have just joined a gym and have been working out 3 times a week..Just some ideas P.s. I haven't worked out for probably 15 years and I am actually surprised at how much I enjoy it..and its a good way to meet people..You seem like you are on the right track! good job Renee!
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Old 03-10-2005, 08:27 AM   #3 (permalink)
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There are a ton of things to do. Straight up enjoy life. Got to the park, beach or whatever and play some game: kickball, frizbee, softball, or just sit and have a picnic. Now if it is cold. Maybe some bowling; you could join a league. Go hiking, climbing. Go to all the area cool places that you just never went to because you live there: Museums, historical sites. SInce you are drinking it will be cheaper and you can remember your fun. Even if you go by yourself, I am sure you will appreciate art or whatever you choose to see. Hope that helps.
Have a good day everyone.
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Old 03-10-2005, 08:31 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Hey Renee,that void will go away.Heres what I did.When I first started meetings I felt out of place.But,I kept going.I would show up early and stand outside smoking.People would introduce themselves to me.I would stay late also.And people would invite me to go for coffe after the meeting(like we didnt drink enough in the meeting) Slowly I got to know people and started making friends.The next thing you know I had a whole new circle of friends.Friends who were more caring and better friends than I had ever known.Now I no longer feel out of place at meetings.I actually look forward to going each night.I love the fellowship.I go to a meeting and thats where all my friends are now.I also really enjoy participating in the activities the group has.We go on camping trips,picnics,bowling,etc.On the weekends I have BBQ's at my house and invite people from the group over.Same thing with movies.I invite people from the group over to watch a movie and order some pizza's or whatever.You will find people from all walks of life in the program with pretty much all different types of intrests and hobbies.For me,well Im pretty much the Redneck type and I am really into cars and trucks.Those are the type of people I also made friends with in AA/NA.We go to the races a lot during the summer.I have a few friends that own race cars,and other friends building classic cars.Stay sober and keep going to your meetings and meeting new people.Before you know it you will find you have less spare time then you ever had.
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Old 03-10-2005, 08:43 AM   #5 (permalink)
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There is a great book out there called "Living Sober" which was helpful to me.
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Old 03-10-2005, 08:49 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hopeful2day
There is a great book out there called "Living Sober" which was helpful to me.
I happen to own a copy of that book myself.Living Sober
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Old 03-10-2005, 09:18 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Well me I lucked out the ACC Basketball tourny started today LoL then the NCAA; But i am sure that is not for you <Well not assume cause ya never know> But for the most part lately I have been reading lots of Buddahist Books and teachings and stuff .. Ohh and Coloring LoL Been color my Butt off ... But other then the simple things like that I have found there is a Whole world of fun things to do out there .. I am planning for my gf's Visit from Boston and I went to the tourist site for my city; and I will Be D**ned how much there is I have forgotten about it cruisein bars LOL Nature walks <it is gettin warmer in the East> Musueams all kindz of culture things .. I think even some Spelling classes as well But you should look into your city you would be amazed what is out there now
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Old 03-10-2005, 10:19 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Oh.....thats great!!!.( to see the book for free) I just bought myself one last night for $5.50. But thats ok, it can travel with me.....to work on the bus....to the couch....to bed for a little read before the lights go out.....to the bathroom....k I'll stop right there! lol
Renee B, i too find that my addiction to chaos had me in its grips but as time has gone by I am finding positive things to do to keep busy. Of course getting a job really helped.
I work in a personal care home looking after 5 sweet little old ladies. thankkful I can help them & talk to them. Maybe some volunteer work? I read in a book by Dr Wayne Dyer (who by the way I totally recommend!!) The Power of Intention, that acts of kindness promote seritonin for the giver and the receiver. That feel good stuff.
Honestly I have found my HP so much out in nature. Things I never noticed or saw the beauty in before are jumping out at me.
I spend lots of time praying outside. I sometimes give my problems to the birds that I see flying by to take to God for me. Once in treatment there was a park close by and I started going for walks early in the morning, seeing the sun rise I really find breathtaking, well i saw hundreds of birds in the park every morning. My first thought when I saw them squakin away was that they were conversing about which order the problems would be handed over first,second....LOL
Museums and art galleries are a great way to pass time.
Sometimes when i have too much on my plate and feel confused I climb a tree. Kind of like a bear when he wants to get a clearer picture of where he wants to go.
I too spend alot of time at home, I don't want to run into old "friends". I went to the doctor yesterday and he wanted to know if because i spend so much time at home if I thought I was depressed....I said no, i just feel safe there....I'm learning to be comfortable in my own skin...I could never be alone before.
Anyway as more time goes by i find beauty in the small things and I'm grateful for that.
Maybe journaling or writing would help to,poetry perhaps?
I've become passionate about LIFE! Every day is a gift. And we get to live it sober if we choose to!!! That is a blessing in itself! May be you want to go to schoolEveryday i find the more I learn the less I know!!! \\//peace
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Old 03-10-2005, 12:13 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Lightbulb

Renee,

always a nice time to rekindle your marriage with your hubby. You think, you can get him out for a weekend get away?

Btw,
if your hubby is supportive, there's not too many things you can't do. Winter months kind of suck but, I still like to go to concerts, comedy clubs and movies in the winter.
Do you have a membership to a health club? Getting sober you need to keep your self so busy you can't have time to sit and think. How many meetings do you go to a week?

If, you haven't got a hobby, why don't you start? Make sure, you stay away from the people that will want you to drink with them. If, you can't be around them and not drink, don't be around them. How's your fences? Do you need to get in touch with any of your family? What a better time to get back in touch

For what it's worth, all we have is today, live it like its your last
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Old 03-10-2005, 12:49 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Renee -

It is hard at first to try to think of "fun" things to do. Personally, I do have a hobby: scrapbooking, so that helps a lot. I read a lot (true crime is my passion!). I come to this forum and also Court TV forum and Websleuths forums. I clean a lot (I did not say I enjoyed it, but it really helps keep hands and mind busy!). I try to spend more time with my kids. I WISH I could say I exercised, but I don't (but am going to try to start!).

Why don't you see if you and hubby can come up with a hobby together? Take a cooking class or something like that. Go to the zoo. Dance in the rain. Go to the movies, the theatre, concerts, try out new restaurants, organize photographs, clean out closets, paint the walls. Point is, try anything new and that will keep your mind occupied!

Congrats on your sober days!

Love,

Ang
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Old 03-10-2005, 12:52 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Overit,

I was right there with you until

************** clean out closets, paint the walls}}}}}}}}


after that, everything got dark and I was afraid LMAO.

No wonder you ladies get mad at us
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Old 03-10-2005, 01:34 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Renee,

It has been a very big struggle for me, too, and I am still adjusting. For now, I like reading and going to the library and also museums (you can see what a wild party animal I have become!). A long time ago (like 25 years ago) I was into model building and always wanted to work on more complex models (maybe complex ship models or something like that) but never did. Now I feel myself wanting to do that again and I think I might get into that. I actually like cooking too and want to get better at it. I am thinking of trying out some more elaborate recipes as a hobby. Every now and then I go out to dinner with a friend.

One recovery book I read says, "Addicts don't know how to have fun." And how true that is. I still feel like a baby at home, slowly venturing out and doing things like "normal" people do. One day at a time, I guess.

Somewhere out there is a hobby or other interest just waiting to be discovered and appreciated by you. I wish you all the prayers in the world on this exciting journey!

Time2Surrender -- thanks for the link -- I saved it right to my favorites. Now I "own" the book -- thanks!

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Old 03-10-2005, 08:54 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Fun in sobriety, hmmm.

Some good suggestions here already. I also love the outdoors. In recovery I "discovered" hiking, which often would be simply going for a walk in the woods. I got back into running, not seriously, but consistently - a couple miles, maybe 2-3 times per week. I started swimming & riding my bicycle whenever I could. Exercise has been so incredibly helpful to me in many ways. It helps my MOOD, above all, which tends to be somewhat depressive. It also feels great to be healthy, a feeling I rarely had during the drinking years. Running also helped me to quit smoking, which I did after six months sober. The wish to run better helped reinforce the desire to not smoke, and vice versa. And the healthier I got, the more of an ass I felt like for continuing to hurt my body with addictive chemicals.

I had a guitar, and I tried for a while to learn that. Never got very good at it, but the effort was very satisfying.

I tried going bowling a few times, but it reminded me of drinking -- I had once been in a bowling league. First the ball would go in the gutter, and me and my drinking buddies followed soon after. I also found bowling while sober to be quite boring. That's just me.

When I was newly sober I had a job driving a truck. It was local stuff, not long distance, so I was home every night in time for meetings. There was usually an early meeting, say 7:15 pm, and then another one at 9:00. I would usually go to both. I made coffee and helped clean up. After the meetings I would often go to the diner with sober people. We'd talk and talk for hours. The diner was instrumental in getting me out of my shell, helping me learn how to communicate with people.

I was 27 years old when I stopped drinking, so I didn't feel the urgency to go "sober dancing" as did many of the younger people in the rooms. Still, I was hoping to have sex again sometime before I died, so I made a few appearances. This mostly served to confirm what I had long suspected: I'm kind of a dork with two left, possibly broken, feet. And I don't like dark, smoky places with loud music and little hope of holding a conversation.

Unsatisfying experiences, like the dancing and the bowling, did lead me eventually to the Big Realization, namely that I don't have to follow some script in my head regarding what "fun" is. I thought fun was what they portrayed in the beer commercials -- you know, a bunch of good-looking, youngish folks windsurfing, barbequeing, sharing an easy camraderie round the ski lodge fireplace.

These things are all fine if they give people pleasure. But I didn't really start to have "fun" -- or let's put it another way, to enjoy my sober life -- until I accepted that my greatest joys sound deadly-dull on paper. I love to read. Books, magazines, newspapers. I love movies, listening to music. I love to write. I love to get outside and go for a run, a walk, a hike, a romp down the city streets. I love going to museums when I can. During the drinking years, I went to a museum maybe once or twice. When I got sober and lived in a city, I went all the time. True joy there.

Keep searching, you will find happiness & joy in your sober life!!!
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Old 03-10-2005, 09:34 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I'm still in the early months of sobriety, so I'm still learning how to have fun sober too. Right now, I go to a lot of meetings and just TALK to people. I spent so long isolated that it's good just to be around people.
The winter months aren't as exciting, but I still try to do stuff indoors. I like to do arts and crafts, like scrapbooking and cross-stitch. I do a lot of reading and I started watching my movie collection again, because I was too drunk to finish most of them! I don't have a job yet, so I also spend a lot of time doing spring cleaning, and taking care of things that never have gotten finished--like painting the walls, lol.
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Old 03-11-2005, 01:08 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Hi Renee

I can relate - all I did was go to bars/pubs so when I quit there was a great void. This worried me at first - but as time goes on, and my "serenity" if you like, has increased this isn't such a problem. All those things that I used to put people down for e.g

washing the car
doing the garden
spending time with friends & family
reading

I can now do.

Before I would think - "Why do all that when I could be in the pub.?" That was one of my favourite excuses to carry on doing what I was doing (a drinking life) was that I would have nothing to do or wouldn't have any friends if I stopped drinking. Just a little bit more of that "insanity" that is mentioned in step two.

Now I hike, meet friends (in and out of the fellowship), play the piano, read, travel the county bellringing (OK, that is a strange one ) - but the main thing I have noticed now about any of these "sober" activities is that they have meaning now, they are real and I enjoy them. When I had the obsession to drink - all the above stuff was just an inconvenience and something that got in the way of what I really wanted to do - which was drink.

Keep going Renee - follow that program you are on and in time - "Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change"

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Old 03-11-2005, 09:03 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Thanks everyone, for your responses! I guess one thing I learned is that I can do a lot of the things I used to do when I was drinking....but just do them sober. It's sad that I didn't even think of it that way! Really, go to a ballgame and not drink? hahaha.

I think part of my problem right now is just getting the ambition to start a routine or hobby or something. It really is such a lifestyle change....not going to the bars or drinking or being hungover leaves a lot of empty time in my schedule, so now I have to find a productive and fun way to fill it. I need to make AA meetings more of a priority and really schedule them into my week in advance. I think I'll do a little more research on that too.

And maybe part of my problem is having the winter blues. In the summer we camp, boat, have bonfires, go to sporting events, etc. Right now I feel really couped up. Maybe I will get caught up on my daughter's scrapbook. Or taking a community education class...like pottery or dance or something. OK, I think I'm feeling a little motivation! Thanks everyone...!!!!

Time2Surrender- thanks for the Sober Living link!

Renee
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Old 12-27-2013, 03:42 PM   #17 (permalink)
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errggh god i wonder the same thing..i DO keep busy with softball, working out, walking the dogs, job but i do feel the boredom..i do miss the getting amped up to go out, take drugs and see what happens type thing...honestly alot of the time when im doing these sober things im trying to convince myself im having 'fun' if that makes any sense?many of these things simply pass the time for me..this has always been my biggest hurdle to truly staying clean.
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Old 12-27-2013, 03:48 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Hi and welcome Tongue - you really reached back for this thread lol.

I think it's useful to 'play the tape through' and think past the 'getting amped up to go out, take drugs and see what happens type thing'...if your experience is anything like mine some pretty bad things happened and I think it's worth our while to remember that.

Basically it takes time - it takes time for us to build a new life and time for us to work out who sober us really is.

I literally can't remember the last time I had time to be bored - fufullment will come.

How long have you been sober?

D
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Old 12-27-2013, 04:01 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Reading, cinema and eating out - or in
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Old 12-27-2013, 04:55 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Just be normal! Normal is dull and boring in the begining but it's not drunk and disgusting.

And really, isn't normal where you wanted to be.

In time you will learn to be normal and enjoy it, I know I did years ago when I quit drinking for years. I had to give myself permission to start to do lots of things again. I literally did not believe that I could do normal things. In the past I had to plan everything around a time when I would be sober. When you are sober you can do anything anytime you want to.

So go do something that you couldn't do when you were a drunk...It really works...It's like living in a cave for years and you are afraid to come out of the cave because you have been so long in the cave. Drinking is a cave!

I hope this helps.
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