New member... please help

[joshw]

Thank you for looking at this question.

My wife just told me a few days ago that she quit taking pills, i didnt realize that she had been taking so many. She was taking loritab, xanax, soma.. .and has been taking adipex for losing weight after a baby. Eventhough she is in great shape and doesnt need it she still took it. She was just using whatever she could. She has quit cold turkey she still drinks occassionally.. What can i do to help her? she wasnt taking mass quantities only 1-2 a day but i want to help. She is complaining of pms pain and wants me to give her a soma?? what do i do.... thank you very much..

Josh

[GettingFree]

It seems like your wife is definitely in the midst of an addiction to substances. She's been taking a cocktail of drugs, most of which affect the central nervous system (loritab is a narcotic, xanax affects chemicals in the brain, adipex is an anphetamine, and soma is a muscle relaxant).


It sounds like she's wrestling with the decision to stop as well as having difficulting in acknowledging the overall problem. On the one hand, she's decided to stop taking pills, but then she asks for a muscle relaxant for PMS pains. Has it been specifically prescribed to your wife by a doctor for PMS? Its primary use is for back injuries, muscle spasms, sprains, and strains . It's not unlike valium, and it is habit-forming-- as are all the drugs you have listed. Most medications for PMS combine pain relief with an anti-inflammatory or diuretic-- not a muscle relaxant.

So from out here, it looks like she's still in denial of her problem. She may indeed be having menstrual cramps, and a soma may indeed make her feel better, but it's like saying a couple of drinks would make her feel better too.

Unfortunately, no one but an addict themselves can ultimately help themselves. They have to be willing to admit the problem, see the destructive nature of their addiction, and make a commitment -- for themselves -- to start a program of recovery. You can be supportive by telling your wife you believe she's developed an addiction and you love her and hope she can recognize this and get help.

As for you, it's important that you relieve yourself of the burden of having to provide or not provide drugs to her when you don't know what's 'legitimate' and what's not. You may consider making an appointment to visit her doctor together and talk about these issues. Often getting this out in the open can be helpful to her resolve.

best,
gf

[joshw]

thanks for the comments.. how can i help her.??? she seems to be taking it out on me.. saying she shouldnt do it cold turkey and she just wants a xanax.. how can i help??

j

[rogersgirl6937]

Dear Josh,

Welcome to Sober Recovery! There is a lot of help available here for your wife and for you.

I have one question. Are you holding your wife's prescriptions and doling them out when she asks you for them? If so, my first suggestion would be that you stop. She needs to be responsible for her use and/or abuse of the drugs, come to a realization that she has a problem, if indeed she has one, and subsequently be responsible for her recovery. Ultimately, she is the only one who can decide if she has a problem and what she wants to do about it. Unfortunately, most addicts fail to recognize/acknowledge our own addictions although they're painfully obvious to those closest to us. And when someone does point it out, we usually react with anger, denial, defensiveness, blame and any number of other not-so-pleasant emotions. I agree with GF's suggestion of both of you seeing her doctor(s). Express your concern in a loving way and reassure her of your encouragement and support. Get her meeting schedules of Narcotics Anonymous and/or Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and go with her to an open meeting. Open meetings are for the addict and their supportive others. You aren't required to share, but if you can get her there and she listens, chances are she'll hear something with which she can identify. Finally, and maybe most importantly at this point, get help for yourself through Nar-Anon/Al-Anon. They can help you with your powerlessness over this whole situation. Quitting cold turkey or weaning off (with Dr's. advice) is tough but very possible. There's lots of us who have done it and continue to do so One Day At A Time.

Good luck and keep us posted. You'll be in my prayers.

Love and Fellowship,
rogersgirl6937

[GettingFree]

Rogersgirl is very right about not taking on the responsibility of doling out meds. It can only be her choice. To use or not to use. If you put yourself into the position of withholder, the likely outcome is resentment, anger, and blame towards you. Then the issue is shifted from her addiction to you and to the relationship. It's a familiar tactic of addicts to shift the focus from the addiction to a whole host of other problems. And you can best avoid that by handing over responsibility to her on whether she chooses to use or not.

You'll likely then have your own reactions and emotions to deal with. It's a very helpless feeling when you accept that you do not have any control or responsibility over a loved one's addiction problem. You'll likely experience a swirl of emotions: fear, helplessness, confusion and likely anger and resentment if she's unable at this time to take responsibility for herself.

The suggestion of getting some support for yourself through a Nar-Anon/Al-Anon is a great idea. You might also want to check out the forum here for families which you'll see on the master list of forums.

best
gf

[bikewench]

Josh...

How can you help her? By vociferously supporting her efforts to straighten herself out.

Drop the pills and step back. ;o)

Do not buy into the addictive logic around using... and don't let your heartstrings be pulled.

This could be the beginning of hell on earth... and if you have a new baby as well...

You can help your wife by having strong boundaries around her using.
I'd strongly suggest you read up on addiction, codependancy and enabling.

This thread is full of insight into the addictive personality. booze.. drugs.. relationships, whatever.. same process.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=17517 (Addictive Personality)

Keep coming here Josh.. it'll help keep things in perspective.

[hopeful2day]

I agree with everything above, with one addition: all of the drugs you mentioned can be stopped cold turkey without a significant risk of serious medical complications with the exception of one: Xanax. If she has been taking xanax daily for longer than a couple of months, she should be tapered off of the drug rather than stop cold turkey. Cold turkey withdrawal from Xanax or other benzodiazepines can result in life-threatening seizures. Many physicians recommend switching to a benzodiazeine with a longer half-life than Xanax before tapering (like valium), at or near the dose equivalency. 1mg. of Xanax is equivelant to 20 mg. of valium if I remember correctly.

Of course, if she was not using Xanax every day or for an extended period of time, she may have no problem with the cold turkey approach. An understanding doctor can help with this, and there is a ton of good information on the web. If you would like additional information (links), feel free to pm me.