Luper

Nothing went right yesterday and I guess I was overwhelmed. So many emotions right now..wish I could get everything sorted out. I know it will take time.

After work, I found myself driving to the gas station. Parked. Sat there. Arguing with myself that I could just have one and calm down. Been there so many times before, knowing all too well that "just one" for me will be one case and the cycle will begin again.....

I thought about the thread here on HALT. I believe it was Purpleknight that said he thought about that alot in early sobriety. I have renamed mine to HALTS. I had to add stress into my triggers. And yes, I was dealing with all of them yesterday. Just feeling sorry for myself I guess, so I'm sorry.

The guilt, shame, and disappointment in myself for even being there hit me, and I left and drove home. Went for a walk and ran into one of my neighbors, who is a recovered alcoholic (more than 20 years). We talked for quite a while and I am very thankful for him.

I was close, but didn't drink. Still angry and disappointed in myself this morning. I have to take one day at a time.

Today I will not drink.

ForMeForThem

Luper- a huge congrats on making it through and not drinking. Each time you win one of those internal struggles, you gain a bit more strength. Turn those negative feelings of disappointment and shame into pride and accomplishment. It's not easy, but you did it!

By the way I like adding the S, stress is a huge trigger for me too!

PurpleKnight

You've nothing to be disappointed about, that is called a success!!

Fantastic stuff!!

Flying4Life

There is no need to feel disappointed. You were challenged and you rose to the occasion. That is excellent! You will be challenged a lot if sobriety is your goal, just keep at it one day at a time. This was a success not a failure Luper. Way to go!

ElleDee

Luper... you did good!

This are all little battles and you WON this one!

hokey

Well done Luper ... you beat that AV last night! Stress is a huge trigger for me too. Acceptance that I can't control everything and learning how to "let go" of all the crap I can't control helps me with it. Sometimes just saying the serenity prayer when I am feeling really stressed helps to diffuse it so that it doesn't turn into a full-blown craving. You are winning this war one battle and one day at a time.!

Gonnachange

Congrats. You faced the urge and got past it. Well done!

Croissant

Luper...I found one particular fight with the AV one day so exhausting, it just knocked me around so much. And I felt overwhelmed, that this thing was so big that I was rocked to my core, arguing with it over a damn drink.

But, I am so glad for that day now. I stood up to that Mofo of a "thing" and stood up for what I want, and what I want my life to look like and I knew my life was so much bigger and better sober, no matter what happened, than it could ever be with a drink.

Big hugs...those times suck, but are worth it.

jezza

Luper that is superb!!! Well done!!! Don't beat yourself up about having those feelings, it happens & you just have to tackle them the best way you can... Might be a good eye opener for you!!

nmd

Luper - congrats on getting through it without taking a drink, you did well :-)

firstymer

Imagine how much worse you would be feeling this morning if you had given in to the urge.

Yesterday was a victory. Not a defeat.

tazzle

Dont be angry with yourself! I am beyond proud of you! Talked yourself out of that parking lot, going for a walk. Than meeting up with your neighbor, that was meant to be! How well did you sleep last night? So much better than if you had those beers I bet!

Deleteda

You shouldn't be angry or disappointed in yourself, yesterday you faced a battle and WON!! Im hoping that everytime we are faced with a challenge that we want to drink resisting is like building up a muscle! you did great yesterday and you can again! X