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Old 11-29-2004, 06:47 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Angry Boyfriend is a crack addict

I'm at the end of my rope. I've been living with a crack addict for 8 years!
We've had our good times and bad, mostly bad! I've tried to help him in the past, but lately all I feel is angry and confused. I really care about him
but I feel this addiction has taken his heart and soul. We aren't close at all anymore and every time he goes on a binge, I kick him out, but always end up
taking him back. He swears he'll never use again,he goes to meetings for a few weeks only to relapse. I know I have to break free from this person. He's gone again and I'm going to try to be strong and not take him back. He is a good person, but this addiction has turned him in to a liar and probably a cheater too! I didn't want to give up on him but I feel he's ruining my life. I have chased him around town, which I know is so stupid, but I can't stop myself. I wish he could beat this but I feel I'm powerless to help him anymore. Please any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for listening.
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Old 11-29-2004, 06:59 PM   #2 (permalink)
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WELCOME CASSKO,YOU CAN FIND ALOT OF SUPPORT ON THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS FORUM.
FOLKS WHO HAVE BEEN WHERE YOUR AT.
THE MAIN THING IS TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF..............ted
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Old 11-29-2004, 07:05 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome Cassko,

Like Ted said, check out the friends and family forum. There are alot of people there who have been where you are. You do need to take care of yourself. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to make him stop. He's only going to stop when he is ready. I will keep you in my prayers.

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Old 11-29-2004, 07:12 PM   #4 (permalink)
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(((((cassko)))))

My Ah is a crack addict and I know how difficult it is. If we want to stay sane the only choice we have is to: keep the focus on ourselves.

Chasing them around town only adds to our insanity...It is not going to make us feel any better to go thru their pockets,check their cell phone records,have them busted,force them into rehab,or beg them to quit using.....

I sometimes pretend that I don't even know him. I go about my life as though he does not exsist. I just make my plans and stick with them. It was hard getting started I did not want to do it. I wanted to chase him around town and go through his pockets and bitch at him about money and dope....but, I need to keep a roof over my head and food in the fridge and I could not do it if I was constantly worried about what he was doing. I don't have to guess what he is doing and neither do you. You better get a plan for yourself my sister and join in with the living....
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Old 11-29-2004, 07:28 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I know they say I should not judge, but in your own interests, I think you need to literally close the door on him, move someplace that he will not find you, and deal with your own enabling and relationship issues. Codependence is powerful, and will prevent you from having an adult, intimate relationship - in my opinion.

And at the risk of offending & showing my age, "How can you tell a junkie is lying? Their lips are moving."

PLEASE run (not walk) away from this person, and get yourself together. I recommend Co-Narcotics Anonymous, and private counseling along with the move, change of phone #, and any other boundry-creating moves you need to make. Also, Sex Addicts Anonymous or Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous might help - they deal with lots of relationship issues.

Good luck. God loves you & so do I - protect yourself and get some help.

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Old 11-29-2004, 08:16 PM   #6 (permalink)
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be strong and be brave! it is the hardest thing you will ever have to do, at least it is for me. my husband is an addict also and giving him an altimatum of either get help or say goodbye to me and your 2 year old is the hardest thing i have ever had to do. but in the end dont forget that wont kill us can only make us stronger and god has a plan for everyone!!! we might not know what it is at the time but soon enough we will all find out we get delt such ****. like abusive spouses, crack addicts or meth heads or just all aroung crap. i wish you luck and i will keep you in my prayers and if you need anyone to talk to please write me.
god bless and good luck.
stephanie - alone in dallas
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Old 04-21-2009, 04:02 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Angry Mad as heck

My boyfriend is a crack addict also. I have tried loving him clean, given ultimadiums, kicked him out, payed some of his bills, left him then took him back because of the promises of never doing it again,and many more things. I relieze that I am so co-dependent I could just scream. I love him so much but this time I loved him enough to leave him. This is the longest we have ever gone without talking or speaking.
I too was a crack addict 18yrs ago, however, I never looked back. I had a child and looking in his face reminded me of my sobriety. I don't know what it's going to take for my boyfriend to hit bottom and get clean once and for all.I do know one thing though I'm done enabling him to hurt and betray me and lie too me anymore
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Old 04-21-2009, 04:09 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Welcome!

This thread is 5 years old, by the way.

I hope that your boyfriend seeks help for himself and I'mglad that you are doing well.
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Old 04-21-2009, 04:38 PM   #9 (permalink)
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How did that happen?
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Old 04-21-2009, 04:55 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I think sometimes when people google or do a search that some older threads come up in the search. I know I have searched terms and gotten old threads at SR before.

Too bad that person didnt come back. Lake Worth is my hometown and where I lost my way for the first time ever and for many yrs there after.
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Old 04-23-2009, 09:38 PM   #11 (permalink)
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My husband abuses marijuana it changes who he is But at least I know when he stops the abuse on himself and our relationship he will be who I love. I have met many people who are not addicts that are cruel too.Decide if or not you feel he is worth it and work the program with and without him.
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Old 04-24-2012, 08:59 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Question

Wow, this sounds a lot like me. I have done this all and have been saying the same thing to myself. "I'm just gonna forget about him." Somehow I keep finding myself in the same position, mainly because I am trying to fight the same addiction myself. How can I put an end to this? I try to go on with my life but I always end up broke because I wasnt looking. What can I do? Where can i find help for my 2 daughters and myself. He wont leave so I have to. I know thats the only way we'll have a fighting chance.

Quote:
Originally Posted by splendra View Post
(((((cassko)))))

My Ah is a crack addict and I know how difficult it is. If we want to stay sane the only choice we have is to: keep the focus on ourselves.

Chasing them around town only adds to our insanity...It is not going to make us feel any better to go thru their pockets,check their cell phone records,have them busted,force them into rehab,or beg them to quit using.....

I sometimes pretend that I don't even know him. I go about my life as though he does not exsist. I just make my plans and stick with them. It was hard getting started I did not want to do it. I wanted to chase him around town and go through his pockets and bitch at him about money and dope....but, I need to keep a roof over my head and food in the fridge and I could not do it if I was constantly worried about what he was doing. I don't have to guess what he is doing and neither do you. You better get a plan for yourself my sister and join in with the living....
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Old 04-24-2012, 09:29 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Hi needbetter

I'm sorry for your situation...just to let you know this is a very old thread, but you'll still find support here

D
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Old 04-29-2012, 11:33 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Unhappy

I know this is an old forum... however I'm lookin for some support help .. I'm going thru the same issue been with my bf for 7 years he has been clean, and of course without him using he is a loveable gentleman!! However,he has an addiction to crack, he was clean for about 5mths , got an apartment,puppy, askd me to move in but I was very skeptical cause he has been sober for a few months and unfortunately falls to the same path.I do spend a lot of time with him keeping him company and he was doing good but just as I feard he relapsed. && now I don't kno what to do...... he has a brand new apartment a puppy and I donthave a clue what steps I should take.. within the 2 month he has relapsed about everyevery 2weeks and now 6-7 days .he stays clean,promises change, does good and as sooon as I leave his sight he is back with the same crap!!!

How can I feel comft leavin with him if he is always relapsin? Y should I feel like a security guard to make sure he doesn't get high?? He askd me to not leave his sight but I think that's selfish of him and unfair to me, I can't even visit my parents or go to where I live due to fear of him relapsing.

He has been with this crack add for abotu 10yrs I met him clean and a couple of months later he confessed to me he had a drug problem, now here I am 7 yrs later, him in & out of jail/rehab and I'm still going thru the same drama :/ .

Part of me wants to leave but I feel like he would just get worst! He has no support from his family.I'm basically all he's got . Its jus completely frustrating,I'm 28 yo now && I feel like even tho we had good times there was more bad :/ && I feel like I'm not living as I should being with him.

Plz read throughly .. thank u

Should I leave or stay!? If I leave will it make him better?? I motivate him to stay clean but I can't b around 24/7 physically!
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Old 04-29-2012, 11:48 PM   #15 (permalink)
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It is not up to you to "fix" him. For a person to recover, they have to want it for themselves. You should concentrate on taking care of yourself. It sounds like you're addicted to him. If you leave him, he may get worse but staying with him hasn't improved him either and it's doing you a lot of harm. You would probably benifit from going to some AlAnon meetings for friends and family members of addicts. Your role in the relationship you have with your boyfriend is pretty sad and sounds exhausting. Seems like you really need to step back and figure out what you really want. Do you want to stay with him even if that means babysitting him through relapse or recovery or do you want to step away and let y'alls lives go their seperate ways? Those ways may meet again or may not. He could clean up, he could die. He could wait for you, he could meet another girl. The important thing is that your not there directing his every move or saving him from himself. That'll also free you up to do things with your life. It's a lot to think about and it's not easy. I wish you all the best as you contemplate your situation.
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