john44

Please all, help me get through this day. It's going to be ugly and painful but I need help. Any prayers sent this way are much appreciated.

Newatthis34

Remember that no how bad you are feeling you will get through it once you do not drink. We have all been there. It will pass. Stay on here and read, read and read some more. You are not alone. Once this feeling has passed use the memory of it to imagine a better future. Life will be good again. We are with you.

Jeni26

We are all here to support you.

Sending you lots of love and hugs from England xxxx

john44

I'm reading and drinking tea. Wish i could sleep, but thats not happening. I'm really shocked that I did this to myself again.

hypochondriac

How much sober time did you have John? x

john44

Thank you so much to my friends from England and Ireland.

brickthrowing

I agree with the above.
I stayed on almost all day that first day, only logged off so I could investigate my first AA meeting.

It helped to know there were others were out there. I read and found comfort knowing there were so many people just like me and who were willing...and WANTING to help.

We are here, and wishing you peace.

Oh, and in response to something in your other thread: Cry man. Squeeze a pillow, cushion, towel, whatever you've got with all you got and cry. Its pretty releasing. Kind of like a pressure release valve.

john44

I've been a drinker most of my life (I'm 50) but could always take it or leave it.

I started drinking alcoholically a few years ago after some horrible life problems.

I've had periods of a few weeks, couple months here and there sober in that time.

Newatthis34

There is no point trying to sleep if you know you can't, you'll only pile on an extra anxiety trying to do something that won't happen. Accept you'll be awake all night reading and researching here and online. Keep busy with plans for your future. As others advised in your other thread, go to a doctor if you are worried. I've never had symptoms other than anxiety, but that was frequently bad enough to make me feel like I was losing my mind. But possible seizures I read about sound serious. Do not take chances. Here's an idea - why not write yourself a letter about how you feel right now, and what you'd like to change, and what you'd like to accomplish in the future? Put it all down on paper, and keep it safe for sometime in the future when you think you are in danger of drinking. Keep strong.

hypochondriac

How far did you get along with AA in that time? x

john44

I would go for a little while, then stop. This last time, i actually gave it my all, made friends, shared....and now relapsed again. I'm horrified, embarrassed and scared.

RachelNorth

Hi John. Welcome to SR. I sober 4 weeks tommorrow. I remember it well. Hang in there, be on here ALL DAY. Not taking a drink is ALL that matters to day. It will and does get easier. please believe me. 4 weeks ago today I was planning my suicide the next day. I thought I didn't have a shred of hope but I must have, I contact AA - very like your message - help me I'm desperate. It was terrible but a relief. I then spend most days on this. And I'm still here. Don't go far. Keep on the tea, us Brits swear by it.

I wish you all the luck and strength is the world. Well done.

john44

My family and friends have been so supportive and kind. Nobody knows i've relapsed again. This is tearing me apart.

john44

It seems as if i have all of England on my side. Bless you all.

Taking5

Did you do the steps? Get a sponsor?

hypochondriac

So it's early days for you, no? Don't beat yourself up about this, many people relapse, sorry let's make that 'most'. But it sounds like this time you really will be done with this which is great. The first few days/weeks might not be too pleasant but you get to live again afterwards How's the research on those AA meetings going? Did you have numbers of people you could ring now? x

Newatthis34

One thing that has been keeping me strong (only on day 14 tho') is the realisation that this is not about other people, it is about ME. I mean that in a non-selfish, or at least, a positively selfish kind of way. The choice to drink or not affects you more than anyone else. Of course the fall-out of drinking does impact on family and friends but you have to put yourself first. You have relapsed, that is sad for you first and foremost, try not to think about how they may feel about it. That will only make you feel worse, and you don't need that right now. When you are better and feeling strong again you can have those conversations with your loved ones. For now it's all about getting well for YOU!

john44

I have a sponsor. Im too embarrased to tell him ive relapsed. On step 4.

Well, i guess back to 1 now. I do believe in God and pray constantly.

john44

Feeling really bad now.

Dee74

I'd encourage you to speak with your sponsor John - chances are your sponsor know exactly how you feel

D