What’s in a name? A second essay about dogs, life, and gratitude
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What’s in a name? A second essay about dogs, life, and gratitude
<Please note: a long post>
I am trying to write about my greyhound every day this week, prior to my husband and I saying goodbye to him on Saturday, when someone will come to our home and help him to the bridge. This is my second short essay in as many days. It is prompted by Sao, moderator of the Weekender thread, whose introductions I look forward to each week. Sao asked a simple question in response to my first post: Would I be willing to share my dog’s name? Of course, I thought. But when I started to reply I realized the answer wasn’t as simple as I had anticipated. Hence this post.
Although I hope to write all week, I promise to only share such (lengthy) posts relevant to SR and my sobriety.
The first post can be found here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...gratitude.html
Today’s story:
My dog’s name is Argus. He is 14 and his job used to be to run as fast as he could up to 770 yards (704 meters), just short of about a half a mile. There are basically five levels to greyhound racing (plus a Maiden race level), and dogs move up (or down) those levels depending on their performance. Argus did pretty well, but US racers face stiff expectations: If they end up at the bottom rung (known as Grade E) and fail to finish first, second, third, or fourth in four consecutive races, retirement is likely but a short sprint away.
At this point, most US tracks have closed. Currently only 19 tracks remain open (mostly in Florida), compared to about 60 in greyhound racing’s heyday. Fortunately, lots of wonderful organizations in the States are dedicated to rehoming these gentle giants.
And when greyhounds settle in to their “forever” homes, they settle in but good. They adopt their humans as their new pack members. Their loyalty is off the charts. They can be a bit aloof to strangers, but in their home “kennel” they are not shy about showing their allegiance. They are patient, watchful, and kind. They will come lay by you (sometimes on you) and some will even give “kisses” via a few good licks to the face. Or, if you’d rather, they will go to a nearby bed or comfy couch and lay quietly, watchfully, ever at the ready for what you might do next.
Argus is decidedly not a kisser. He is at his core a gentleman. He has an adopted (not biologically related) “sister” two years younger (Penelope, aka Penny) who is about as far apart in personality from him as is the distance from here to the edge of the known universe. Argus quickly adopted the role as protector, not a trait common to the breed. (And I'm positive he never got the memo that greyhounds aren’t supposed to bark.) By all accounts, the UPS truck was his mortal enemy. And squirrels. Oh gosh, in Argus’s heyday, squirrels didn’t have a chance until I quickly learned I needed to warn them he was coming…
When my husband (then-fiancé) and I first got Argus I took a chunk of time off work (a rare event) so Argus and I could get to know one other. During that time, I told Argus about my drinking and my desire to stop. I promised him I would, and I asked for his help in doing so.
That was 12 years ago.
During most of that time, I was in my almost-one to one-bottle-of-wine-a-day phase. I grew up in a drinking family. If you were to ask my father, I started tipping the bottle a bit late in life (post-college), but trust me when I say I made that up and then some in the decades that followed.
Argus (and Penny) has not just been there for me in the good times, but also the bad—about five years ago my most-of-the-time migraines and jaw pain turned into almost-all-of-the-time pain. And then some 18 months ago, that turned into 24/7/365 pain. Through it all, they have stood, sat, lain, or squished in next to me each and every hour we have spent together. The pain is constant, but so is their love. I can say without reservation that I could not have endured this years-long battle unless I had these dogs beside me.
At one point more than a year ago, I went off pain meds I had been taking for about seven months after the discomfort became so intolerable that I needed real medical intervention. I thought I could tough it out without them. I was sadly mistaken. I held on for about two months after stopping the meds, during which time I saw a new top pain doctor and TMJ specialist, both whom disagreed about what I had and whose attempts to help me did little to ease the pain.
I fell into deep despair. I dove into alcohol to medicate (literally) the pain. My one-bottle-a-day habit steadily grew. After about 10 months, it soared exponentially. I started drinking in the day. I wouldn’t even bother fixing “a drink,” I would just take shots until the pain stopped, and more when it returned. I would drink *whatever* was available, which to remember now makes me pretty gosh darn queasy. It was when I started to blackout on a regular basis, waking up with bruises or scrapes for which I had no explanation, that I became terrified of what was happening.
Plus, I had a promise to keep. Argus’s health was on its own exponential downturn. I couldn’t let him die without moving to a place in my life where I stopped trying to “quit drinking” and started trying to really to “live without alcohol” (a subtle, but very important distinction for me).
So, on February 24, 2017, I stopped drinking.
I’m not fully sober yet, but—with the help of SR—I have more sobriety in the past four months than the past three decades. I feel like Argus has held on longer than he me might have to see me through. Whether that’s true or not, I’m finding myself once again feeling grateful.
I am also quite grateful (oh so grateful) to have the SR community to turn to during this time. With SR, and my promise to the sweetest, kindest, loyalist dog on the planet (true, I am a little biased), and a handful of other motivations—I’m hoping to stay as sober as humanly possible this week, plus Argus’s final day on Saturday, plus in the days that follow that as many as days as there are stars (or until my own star burns out, whichever comes first...).
Some readers may notice that my username—argillaceous—sounds somewhat similar to Argus. That is no coincidence. When I joined SR in March I knew I wanted my username to somehow reflect my promise to him. Over the years we have called Argus a variety of names: Argus-Kabargus, Argemenemon, The Best (Boy) Doggie on the Planet (so not as to offend his sister…), Argie, and an assortment of other monikers, argillaceous being one of them.
Argillaceous originated from a well-known coffee chain word campaign many, many years ago that coincided with the release of the very lovely movie “Akeelah and the Bee.” The campaign included the word “argillaceous” (pronounced, according to the dictionary [ahr-juh-ley-shuh s]…honestly, I had play the audio to learn how to say it), which means “containing, made of, or resembling clay.” Not only was it a pet name for our beloved pet but I also liked the idea of feeling like I was malleable like clay, and that I could rework myself from one form to another.
One of the people who worked at the coffee franchise that my then-fiancé and I met at each morning knew about Argus and, well, let’s just say “spirited away” and gave us some of the campaign material. We still have the kitchen magnet and the coaster (see pic below), which will soon be part and parcel of our many cherished memories.
I am trying to write about my greyhound every day this week, prior to my husband and I saying goodbye to him on Saturday, when someone will come to our home and help him to the bridge. This is my second short essay in as many days. It is prompted by Sao, moderator of the Weekender thread, whose introductions I look forward to each week. Sao asked a simple question in response to my first post: Would I be willing to share my dog’s name? Of course, I thought. But when I started to reply I realized the answer wasn’t as simple as I had anticipated. Hence this post.
Although I hope to write all week, I promise to only share such (lengthy) posts relevant to SR and my sobriety.
The first post can be found here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...gratitude.html
Today’s story:
My dog’s name is Argus. He is 14 and his job used to be to run as fast as he could up to 770 yards (704 meters), just short of about a half a mile. There are basically five levels to greyhound racing (plus a Maiden race level), and dogs move up (or down) those levels depending on their performance. Argus did pretty well, but US racers face stiff expectations: If they end up at the bottom rung (known as Grade E) and fail to finish first, second, third, or fourth in four consecutive races, retirement is likely but a short sprint away.
At this point, most US tracks have closed. Currently only 19 tracks remain open (mostly in Florida), compared to about 60 in greyhound racing’s heyday. Fortunately, lots of wonderful organizations in the States are dedicated to rehoming these gentle giants.
And when greyhounds settle in to their “forever” homes, they settle in but good. They adopt their humans as their new pack members. Their loyalty is off the charts. They can be a bit aloof to strangers, but in their home “kennel” they are not shy about showing their allegiance. They are patient, watchful, and kind. They will come lay by you (sometimes on you) and some will even give “kisses” via a few good licks to the face. Or, if you’d rather, they will go to a nearby bed or comfy couch and lay quietly, watchfully, ever at the ready for what you might do next.
Argus is decidedly not a kisser. He is at his core a gentleman. He has an adopted (not biologically related) “sister” two years younger (Penelope, aka Penny) who is about as far apart in personality from him as is the distance from here to the edge of the known universe. Argus quickly adopted the role as protector, not a trait common to the breed. (And I'm positive he never got the memo that greyhounds aren’t supposed to bark.) By all accounts, the UPS truck was his mortal enemy. And squirrels. Oh gosh, in Argus’s heyday, squirrels didn’t have a chance until I quickly learned I needed to warn them he was coming…
When my husband (then-fiancé) and I first got Argus I took a chunk of time off work (a rare event) so Argus and I could get to know one other. During that time, I told Argus about my drinking and my desire to stop. I promised him I would, and I asked for his help in doing so.
That was 12 years ago.
During most of that time, I was in my almost-one to one-bottle-of-wine-a-day phase. I grew up in a drinking family. If you were to ask my father, I started tipping the bottle a bit late in life (post-college), but trust me when I say I made that up and then some in the decades that followed.
Argus (and Penny) has not just been there for me in the good times, but also the bad—about five years ago my most-of-the-time migraines and jaw pain turned into almost-all-of-the-time pain. And then some 18 months ago, that turned into 24/7/365 pain. Through it all, they have stood, sat, lain, or squished in next to me each and every hour we have spent together. The pain is constant, but so is their love. I can say without reservation that I could not have endured this years-long battle unless I had these dogs beside me.
At one point more than a year ago, I went off pain meds I had been taking for about seven months after the discomfort became so intolerable that I needed real medical intervention. I thought I could tough it out without them. I was sadly mistaken. I held on for about two months after stopping the meds, during which time I saw a new top pain doctor and TMJ specialist, both whom disagreed about what I had and whose attempts to help me did little to ease the pain.
I fell into deep despair. I dove into alcohol to medicate (literally) the pain. My one-bottle-a-day habit steadily grew. After about 10 months, it soared exponentially. I started drinking in the day. I wouldn’t even bother fixing “a drink,” I would just take shots until the pain stopped, and more when it returned. I would drink *whatever* was available, which to remember now makes me pretty gosh darn queasy. It was when I started to blackout on a regular basis, waking up with bruises or scrapes for which I had no explanation, that I became terrified of what was happening.
Plus, I had a promise to keep. Argus’s health was on its own exponential downturn. I couldn’t let him die without moving to a place in my life where I stopped trying to “quit drinking” and started trying to really to “live without alcohol” (a subtle, but very important distinction for me).
So, on February 24, 2017, I stopped drinking.
I’m not fully sober yet, but—with the help of SR—I have more sobriety in the past four months than the past three decades. I feel like Argus has held on longer than he me might have to see me through. Whether that’s true or not, I’m finding myself once again feeling grateful.
I am also quite grateful (oh so grateful) to have the SR community to turn to during this time. With SR, and my promise to the sweetest, kindest, loyalist dog on the planet (true, I am a little biased), and a handful of other motivations—I’m hoping to stay as sober as humanly possible this week, plus Argus’s final day on Saturday, plus in the days that follow that as many as days as there are stars (or until my own star burns out, whichever comes first...).
Some readers may notice that my username—argillaceous—sounds somewhat similar to Argus. That is no coincidence. When I joined SR in March I knew I wanted my username to somehow reflect my promise to him. Over the years we have called Argus a variety of names: Argus-Kabargus, Argemenemon, The Best (Boy) Doggie on the Planet (so not as to offend his sister…), Argie, and an assortment of other monikers, argillaceous being one of them.
Argillaceous originated from a well-known coffee chain word campaign many, many years ago that coincided with the release of the very lovely movie “Akeelah and the Bee.” The campaign included the word “argillaceous” (pronounced, according to the dictionary [ahr-juh-ley-shuh s]…honestly, I had play the audio to learn how to say it), which means “containing, made of, or resembling clay.” Not only was it a pet name for our beloved pet but I also liked the idea of feeling like I was malleable like clay, and that I could rework myself from one form to another.
One of the people who worked at the coffee franchise that my then-fiancé and I met at each morning knew about Argus and, well, let’s just say “spirited away” and gave us some of the campaign material. We still have the kitchen magnet and the coaster (see pic below), which will soon be part and parcel of our many cherished memories.
Last edited by argillaceous; 06-20-2017 at 09:07 PM. Reason: fixed typos
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Argi, that was beautiful. Thank you for sharing with us.
Argus sounds like a wonderful man. I want to give you a big
I lost my best friend, old man ****** at the end of April. I was about 4 months sober by then. I know how much it hurts, it's still pretty fresh in my mind and typing (and deleting a bunch of) this post brought tears to my eyes.
Sending lots and love and comfort to you. Our animals are very special parts of our hearts. Keep yourself well and give Argus a pet and a hug from his SR friends. <3
Argus sounds like a wonderful man. I want to give you a big
I lost my best friend, old man ****** at the end of April. I was about 4 months sober by then. I know how much it hurts, it's still pretty fresh in my mind and typing (and deleting a bunch of) this post brought tears to my eyes.
Sending lots and love and comfort to you. Our animals are very special parts of our hearts. Keep yourself well and give Argus a pet and a hug from his SR friends. <3
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Another beautiful and touching post, Argi.
You know, I had been having a bad last 24 hours. Feeling angry and utterly sad and miserable. But this post made me forget my problems entirely! All will be well.
Thank you so much for writing this series!
By the way, I love the coffee coaster!
You know, I had been having a bad last 24 hours. Feeling angry and utterly sad and miserable. But this post made me forget my problems entirely! All will be well.
Thank you so much for writing this series!
By the way, I love the coffee coaster!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 275
Delizadee, I'm so sorry for your loss. They do make their way into our hearts don't they? But I think in the end the anguish and pain are worth it (but still, Saturday is so close...and I look at him, and feel the warmth of his ear as I rub it, and see him looking at me with those beautiful dark brown eyes and I think "No, not yet.") But it's time, and I have the responsibility as his owner (and companion of 12 years) to make sure he leaves this Earth with dignity. But I think I'll go give him that hug now.
OutOnTheTiles, I can only hope I can pay tribute to Argus with lasting sobriety. He's been such a loyal, sensitive pup that he deserves no less.
Gilmer, I'm glad the post helped you feel better, because your post made me feel great (hmmm, funny how that works).
Signing off for now. Everyone is spared a lengthy post tonight; in fact, think I'll take a couple of nights off...
OutOnTheTiles, I can only hope I can pay tribute to Argus with lasting sobriety. He's been such a loyal, sensitive pup that he deserves no less.
Gilmer, I'm glad the post helped you feel better, because your post made me feel great (hmmm, funny how that works).
Signing off for now. Everyone is spared a lengthy post tonight; in fact, think I'll take a couple of nights off...
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
I enjoyed learning the story of Argus. Everyone lucked out in this relationship.
Thank goodness for those who are willing to step up & help the former racers find good homes.
I got sober, in part, to be a better mom to my English Mastiff 'Heaven'. She passed far too young - but I've never broken my promise to her. I feel that she watches me. I'm so glad your lovely Argus got to live to 14.
Thank goodness for those who are willing to step up & help the former racers find good homes.
I got sober, in part, to be a better mom to my English Mastiff 'Heaven'. She passed far too young - but I've never broken my promise to her. I feel that she watches me. I'm so glad your lovely Argus got to live to 14.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 275
Purplrks and Anna, one of the many things I love about the SR community is that I feel myself developing connections to people 100 or 1,000 or 10,000 miles away from me whom I have never met. I feel like I am beginning to get to know people like the two of you whose posts I see and read, and to have you read my story and post means a lot as I really need to not feel alone right now.
Hevyn, I adore the English Mastiff! Such a large and imposing creature but so good-natured. I've read that they can be protective. Argus took on the role of protector early on and has never stopped defending the house and us since then. Just today he barked (as well as he could) at someone at the door.
It's nice to know I'm not the only one who makes promises to my dog; I'm glad you were able to keep your promise to Heaven. I'm hoping that with the help of SR, and other places if needed, I can do the same for Argus.
Hevyn, I adore the English Mastiff! Such a large and imposing creature but so good-natured. I've read that they can be protective. Argus took on the role of protector early on and has never stopped defending the house and us since then. Just today he barked (as well as he could) at someone at the door.
It's nice to know I'm not the only one who makes promises to my dog; I'm glad you were able to keep your promise to Heaven. I'm hoping that with the help of SR, and other places if needed, I can do the same for Argus.
Last edited by argillaceous; 06-22-2017 at 09:09 PM. Reason: slight editorial fix
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