Losing my mind
 

Hello I'm 30 years old have 4 DUIS recently got divorced from my wife and had to move back in with my mom and dad. Im grateful for my parents for giving me a place to stay but I continue to drink. Last night I drank so much I blacked out lost my wallet, backpack, and hat and thought I was in Pasadena when I was in downtown San Diego. I have an appointment today with my Dr. to get a prescription for Anatbuse and I'm thinking of going back to AA. I'm lost and scared I feel the next time I drink I may die and I don't want my young daughters to grow up without a father. Basically im reaching out to meet people who have similar problem and who can help. I am so broken that im willing to do anything and everything to get better.

Welcome to SR kj04, I am sorry what brings you here, but glad you made it here. This is a very interactive supportive community that can be of tremendous support to you. You mentioned you are willing to do anything and everything to get better. That attitude will help you tremendously in staying sober.
If you had this episode just last night, the wounds are still fresh, take it easy and start to formulate a game plan to get and stay sober. Sounds like you are flirting with danger while drinking. If you're afraid of dying I think now would be a good time to get very serious about recovery. Best wishes.

Welcome, kj, and I'm sorry that you are going through such hell right now. Seeing an MD in your state sounds like the right move. I will not diagnose but I would suggest that you try to stay calm and take your time while you are there and explain to him in more detail, what you have posted here, what you are going through. Antabuse may be a helpful tool but it sounds like you may need some more resources than just that. AA is a good source of support and if you go, I would try to seek out some advice and maybe help, one-on-one, sponsor, etc. Someone there may be able to help you through this and/or give you some contacts with medical, rehab, etc., that you may need.

In my prayer's today, bud.

Thank you guys for the love and support. I have been in rehab after my last DUI and had almost a year sober but now im back on my ********. The depression and guilt that comes with drinking is too much, I quit every time I drink but for some reason I go back to the bottle. Alcohol has hindered my emotional growth and all I want is to be a father to my kids. Anyways just writing this helps im grateful for sites like this and people like you guys thank you I will keep you guys updated. One day at a time.

If this is true, about willing to do anything, and you really mean it...mean it enough for you to take action to support the decision to quit, you have a great chance of success.

Welcome to the family. :) Lots of support here. I hope we can help you get sober for good. :)

Welcome and we do understand how hard this is. I think it's important to have a firm plan for how to get through the early weeks and how to remain sober. I hope you continue to post.

thats what i have been missing is action. I have been going to AA since I was 17 with the "nudge from the judge" but never really took it serious. Not sure if AA is the way for me although I do know there are many benefits. Im using this pain that im in at the moment as strength to know that I never have to feel this way if i dont want to. Its not complicated, just dont drink, but its oh so hard. I feel good about this new support group i found look forward to getting to know you guys.

Welcome Kjim.
There's many people here to help and support you at this awful time in your life but as you said , you don't ever have to feel like this again. The thing that helped me relapse was forgetting how shi**y I felt after binge drinking , I'd forgotten what the hangover, guilt and shame felt like . Maybe write it down or make a video to remind yourself how bad it feels. Keep pushing through friend. Dont give any more of your precious time to this poison!

We care about you, Kjimenez. I think you'll find this community very helpful. We've all been where you are to one degree or another. You can get free & reclaim your life. Very happy you are here.

Yes, no more time to the poison. You have youth on your side and so much to offer your children when you become sober. They do not have to know you as a drunk, but rather a present father.

Welcome

wow its amazing how supportive and nice everyone is makes me feel better knowing that there are plenty of us out there trying to fight this demon.

what are ya gonna do to find out if AA is for you?
have ya read the big book?

I have read the big book, i have had a sponsor and did the steps but AA, at least in the meetings in my town, seems to be all about war stories. Everyone is trying to prove how they got the worse cards dealt and how ****** their lifes were. Thats all good to give perspective but I need more than that. I was actively involved in AA for close to 4 years and got tired of it. Im going to visit new meetings with new people before I give up on AA it has helped far too many people and given way too many miracles so there must be something to it right?

if youre in san diego, you will definatly find solution based meetings. might wanna look up bb and step study meetings.
i can relate to the war story, problem based meetings. i was into one for a while- it was good to hear the depths i could still go.
eventually it got old- i started growing and wanted to hear the solution

Welcome. Sure can be a messed up ride, huh?

It still amazes me to what lengths addiction destroys lives. You'd think a DUI would be enough to quit, or divorce, or losing your job. Addiction doesn't stop destroying until you stop using. It keeps getting worse until you either find your bottom or die.

It's like driving 100mph towards a wall. We have the choice to turn or apply the breaks, instead we accelerate. It's frustrating. Believe me..i know. I've been there.

In my case, I was lucky. I found my bottom after losing a 20yr career, 15yr marriage, my house, my money, and all my belongings beyond what fit in a car. It could have been worse. My bottom could have been being homeless...or worse.

The day I stopped was the day I started. That was a huge mental shift for me. My focus moved from wanting to quit drinking to wanting to live a better life. It became a lot easier for me when I started thinking what I CAN do vs what I can't do.

You CAN see a doctor, you CAN go to an AA mtg, you also CAN try another recovery group (I suggest rational recovery), you CAN read everything SR has to offer......the list can go on and on.

Welcome. Stay close.

Whenever I go to a new town, I look for literature based meetings or step based meetings. That helps to keep the meeting on track and you should here more solution based information and fewer war stories.