Wow. THANK YOU ALL.
Especially to those who was touched.
I pray you continue to read posts and that you continue to post. Ultimately, I pray that you give this everything you have. NO more screwing around. Just do it, and do it right.
What does right mean? That is to be determined by you. The only way you're going to find out is to go exploring. Learn from SR, learn from your doctor, learn from Google, learn from books.
Keep pushing to understand what happened to you and to understand what it takes to stop the madness.
Ultimately... Just KEEP PUSHING!