Hoping God Will Work Thru You Good Folks
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posts: 44
Hoping God Will Work Thru You Good Folks
Hi : ))) Newcomer to this awesome SR site and the forums. So grateful to read about others' stories and see the wonderful support everyone gives so willingly and without judgement.
Stuck on Step 3. Made a decision..........I know no one can give me the gift of desperation - but I am reaching out because I am so struggling. My true love is alcohol. Along the way I decided I loved other substances but those were recreational. But now I'm on day 21 of not using pain meds after a ten year run with that. I was in the program for 7 years when after multiple back surgeries in recovery I ended up in 'pain management' ..... I can look back now and realize that the pills are what happened when I think back "how did I start drinking again when I was doing everything I was taught to do". Totally was taking meds as directed and for a long while was honest. Until one day I wasn't. After thinking how my great job, great new relationship, great car, friends and family back for years now.....all the false idols were arrows pointing to maybe I was 'normal' again. Fugggg. If that wasn't a joke.
It has been a rare occasion over the last 10 years since I left the rooms, that I have drank like a gentleman. Now I'm 49 years old...living a lifestyle of isolation, with low self esteem and my big old ego/pride. Not wanting to admit that I am spiritually sick, not living my best life, and spent the last 10 years screwing up my finances, credit and relationships all over again.
My doctor retired and offered to help bridge meds and provided a list of other doctors and clinics that patients could go to. I decided I'm over it. Living life based on a monthly refill cycle, running out early and all that BS, in withdrawals half the month every month and then gaining weight at every turn and all the while drinking my ass off more nights than not. I've chosen to quit taking pain meds but i'm not happy about it. Day 21. It's gnarly.
So to my love alcohol, I am having a hard time breaking up with you too. Quitting both at the same time has been difficult. I'm whining, I know - my sincere apologies. Thanks to anyone who read this far - I just want the sunshine on my face and to be dependable and have good family relationships again - quitting for yourself has just got to be one of the hardest and most courageous life events. When I got sober at 33 I was motivated by my daughter and family to change. Now as an empty nester I realize how truly brave us alcoholics/addicts are to do it for YOURSELF. If I loved myself would I have not gotten into this place?
I applaud everyone trying - you're amazing and don't give up. It's true what they say.....if you're not satisfied with recovery they will gladly refund your misery. Any prayers or words of encouragement to quit drinking just today would be so so appreciated. Much love.
Stuck on Step 3. Made a decision..........I know no one can give me the gift of desperation - but I am reaching out because I am so struggling. My true love is alcohol. Along the way I decided I loved other substances but those were recreational. But now I'm on day 21 of not using pain meds after a ten year run with that. I was in the program for 7 years when after multiple back surgeries in recovery I ended up in 'pain management' ..... I can look back now and realize that the pills are what happened when I think back "how did I start drinking again when I was doing everything I was taught to do". Totally was taking meds as directed and for a long while was honest. Until one day I wasn't. After thinking how my great job, great new relationship, great car, friends and family back for years now.....all the false idols were arrows pointing to maybe I was 'normal' again. Fugggg. If that wasn't a joke.
It has been a rare occasion over the last 10 years since I left the rooms, that I have drank like a gentleman. Now I'm 49 years old...living a lifestyle of isolation, with low self esteem and my big old ego/pride. Not wanting to admit that I am spiritually sick, not living my best life, and spent the last 10 years screwing up my finances, credit and relationships all over again.
My doctor retired and offered to help bridge meds and provided a list of other doctors and clinics that patients could go to. I decided I'm over it. Living life based on a monthly refill cycle, running out early and all that BS, in withdrawals half the month every month and then gaining weight at every turn and all the while drinking my ass off more nights than not. I've chosen to quit taking pain meds but i'm not happy about it. Day 21. It's gnarly.
So to my love alcohol, I am having a hard time breaking up with you too. Quitting both at the same time has been difficult. I'm whining, I know - my sincere apologies. Thanks to anyone who read this far - I just want the sunshine on my face and to be dependable and have good family relationships again - quitting for yourself has just got to be one of the hardest and most courageous life events. When I got sober at 33 I was motivated by my daughter and family to change. Now as an empty nester I realize how truly brave us alcoholics/addicts are to do it for YOURSELF. If I loved myself would I have not gotten into this place?
I applaud everyone trying - you're amazing and don't give up. It's true what they say.....if you're not satisfied with recovery they will gladly refund your misery. Any prayers or words of encouragement to quit drinking just today would be so so appreciated. Much love.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,185
Welcome to SR Refunded!
I am really glad you are here and wanting to beat this. You have one thing on your side that a lot of people don't have, you have beaten it before for 7 years and that is no mean feat.
Like you drink led me into isolation and broken relationships, it's no fun is it.
Good luck to you
I am really glad you are here and wanting to beat this. You have one thing on your side that a lot of people don't have, you have beaten it before for 7 years and that is no mean feat.
Like you drink led me into isolation and broken relationships, it's no fun is it.
Good luck to you
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
You are right. A person really needs to do it for themselves...but relationships will also benefit as a result. Everything will benefit. You'll benefit first of all, but that's hard to keep a good vision of. Age 49 is an interesting age. Being an empty nester is a whole new experience, but other doors can open for you now that may surprise you. Keep looking out and up. I don't have a ton of words of wisdom at the moment. But sometimes with empty nest you have a little more time to do some things you enjoy, such as hobbies and stuff. For me, I started to struggle with energy lags and still do. Diet, exercise and good sleep are so important. And just try to stay positive, no matter what. A positive frame of mind can take you places you never thought possible.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by saoutchik 
Welcome to SR Refunded!
I am really glad you are here and wanting to beat this. You have one thing on your side that a lot of people don't have, you have beaten it before for 7 years and that is no mean feat.
Like you drink led me into isolation and broken relationships, it's no fun is it.
Good luck to you
I am really glad you are here and wanting to beat this. You have one thing on your side that a lot of people don't have, you have beaten it before for 7 years and that is no mean feat.
Like you drink led me into isolation and broken relationships, it's no fun is it.
Good luck to you
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 186
Welcome Refunded
"If you're not satisfied with recovery, they will gladly refund your misery". Love it!
Thanks- you have encouraged me in my very early recovery, with this succinct saying. Words of encouragement are coming right back at ya!
You can be dependable and have those good family relationships, but only if you put down the bottle. You know that. Quit tonight and get your face into the sunshine tomorrow with a sense of pride that you are starting back on the right path. We are all here beside you.
"If you're not satisfied with recovery, they will gladly refund your misery". Love it!
Thanks- you have encouraged me in my very early recovery, with this succinct saying. Words of encouragement are coming right back at ya!
You can be dependable and have those good family relationships, but only if you put down the bottle. You know that. Quit tonight and get your face into the sunshine tomorrow with a sense of pride that you are starting back on the right path. We are all here beside you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by teatreeoil007
You are right. A person really needs to do it for themselves...but relationships will also benefit as a result. Everything will benefit. You'll benefit first of all, but that's hard to keep a good vision of. Age 49 is an interesting age. Being an empty nester is a whole new experience, but other doors can open for you now that may surprise you. Keep looking out and up. I don't have a ton of words of wisdom at the moment. But sometimes with empty nest you have a little more time to do some things you enjoy, such as hobbies and stuff. For me, I started to struggle with energy lags and still do. Diet, exercise and good sleep are so important. And just try to stay positive, no matter what. A positive frame of mind can take you places you never thought possible.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by Refunded
The lethargy is definitely a mental and physical bummer. Really struggling with that right now. My dog deserves better �� I really appreciate your message.
But, I simply cannot turn back time and some people just naturally seem to be more energetic no matter what their age and they don't seem to lose their energy. How is that EVEN fair?!
So, for me, it's partly been an "exercise" in self acceptance...and try not to get down on myself for what I feel I lack. I tell myself it's how I feel; and as we all know, feelings can change. I am where I am. I am here. It's okay....Maybe I need to just change my perception on things.
Well, sometimes it's hormones as they can take a nose dive...and I'm sick and tired of that cr@ppola , so I'm looking into HRT.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Welcome Refunded - it's great to have you with us. The encouragement & friendship I found here helped me quit after 30 yrs. I used it to deal with every emotion. It was hard learning to live in a different way - but so much better than being numb & foggy half the time. You can do it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by Hevyn
Welcome Refunded - it's great to have you with us. The encouragement & friendship I found here helped me quit after 30 yrs. I used it to deal with every emotion. It was hard learning to live in a different way - but so much better than being numb & foggy half the time. You can do it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by Dee74
Good to meet you refunded - welcome aboard
This no doubt about it - this place helped me turn my life around - I know we can help you too
D
This no doubt about it - this place helped me turn my life around - I know we can help you too
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posts: 44
Gosh remember the days when cleaning house or handling errands didn't require any type of crutch? I spent years having to gear up in some way just to get thru the day/night. I have had just enough energy to make appearances to things in my life. Will be awesome when I feel good enough physically and emotionally to really be invested in life again.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
I had to work on step one for a pretty long time and not be concerned about the rest. Are you considering going to meetings again??
Though I too fall into the empty nester category I figured sobering up was more than just for me. The world around me deserves better - neighbors, clerks, employees, coworkers, friends, waiters, other drivers etc etc
If I only think I'm getting sober for me than I can think when I drink I'm only hurting myself. This is a Big Lie.
Sick and tired of being sick and tired is a pretty good starting point. It was for many of us.
Though I too fall into the empty nester category I figured sobering up was more than just for me. The world around me deserves better - neighbors, clerks, employees, coworkers, friends, waiters, other drivers etc etc
If I only think I'm getting sober for me than I can think when I drink I'm only hurting myself. This is a Big Lie.
Sick and tired of being sick and tired is a pretty good starting point. It was for many of us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by teatreeoil007
Yes, it's a real bummer and I totally get that. I remember when I was younger I used to be able to get so much done in much less time!! AND, with less aches and pains....
But, I simply cannot turn back time and some people just naturally seem to be more energetic no matter what their age and they don't seem to lose their energy. How is that EVEN fair?!
So, for me, it's partly been an "exercise" in self acceptance...and try not to get down on myself for what I feel I lack. I tell myself it's how I feel; and as we all know, feelings can change. I am where I am. I am here. It's okay....Maybe I need to just change my perception on things.
Well, sometimes it's hormones as they can take a nose dive...and I'm sick and tired of that cr@ppola , so I'm looking into HRT.
But, I simply cannot turn back time and some people just naturally seem to be more energetic no matter what their age and they don't seem to lose their energy. How is that EVEN fair?!
So, for me, it's partly been an "exercise" in self acceptance...and try not to get down on myself for what I feel I lack. I tell myself it's how I feel; and as we all know, feelings can change. I am where I am. I am here. It's okay....Maybe I need to just change my perception on things.
Well, sometimes it's hormones as they can take a nose dive...and I'm sick and tired of that cr@ppola , so I'm looking into HRT.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posts: 44
oh my gosh I don't know how I missed your message Fly n Buy - but what a blessing actually because I totally needed to read this today!!!!! You are so spot on.
[I]If I only think I'm getting sober for me than I can think when I drink I'm only hurting myself. This is a Big Lie.
I spent a month going to meetings - I need to get back into it. I had quit booze at the same time of stopping the pain meds. I broke at day 29 and got a bottle of wine. The PAWS at day 21 off the pills was too much for me even though I was doing AA - I wasn't addressing really the NA part that seems more of a beast right now. Anyhoo I'll stop that boringness. Lots of change in the last 10 years since I've been out - just seeing people texting during meetings or taking selfies and photos while taking cakes tripped me out LOL. Will have to add it to my resentment list when I crawl back .....
[I]If I only think I'm getting sober for me than I can think when I drink I'm only hurting myself. This is a Big Lie.
I spent a month going to meetings - I need to get back into it. I had quit booze at the same time of stopping the pain meds. I broke at day 29 and got a bottle of wine. The PAWS at day 21 off the pills was too much for me even though I was doing AA - I wasn't addressing really the NA part that seems more of a beast right now. Anyhoo I'll stop that boringness. Lots of change in the last 10 years since I've been out - just seeing people texting during meetings or taking selfies and photos while taking cakes tripped me out LOL. Will have to add it to my resentment list when I crawl back .....
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