HelenofTroy

Thanks for sharing ReadyAtLast. I've also humiliated myself many times and you are right. No matter how awful I feel about it after I still end up doing it again. No more. I like your thoughts about whether we are doing enough. I have philosophical differences with AA (not that I've tried it but I think that discussion is best left for another thread) but I am interested in reading more about Rational Recovery:AVRT.

Hugbear you can do this! My son had a guitar that I have in my basement. I don't play any instruments but I have thought it may be fun to try to.learn to play it. Is 54 to old to learn new tricks? Lol

Dingood I agree about daily posting. I find it like a combination of journaling and of holding myself accountable.

Good for you CAGY for getting out and having fun! I read a funny meme on Facebook about never travelling with Tom Hanks lol.

Tekink, Bertieboy, Sunflowerlife and Windancer you are all doing great!

Rob I like your idea of thinking of booze as poison. You are right about checking labels on everything (I even bake my own bread!) We need to see booze for what it is.

Whew! All caught up. Well I've just had my granddaughter put in my lap so I will pop in later. Have a good day everyone

Windancer

Yes indeed, viewing alcohol as poison is not as out there as one may think, Rob65 and HelenofTroy. Actually, it is a poison. When we have a hangover it is our bodies screaming at us to never ever abuse them with that poison in such a way again. I think the bottles should have a skull and crossbones on them rather than the enticing labels. Alcohol actually kills people and ruins lives. THAT is the sad truth. It truly is "cunning, baffling and powerful".

This is actually a very healthy vision for me to "wake up" to Rob65, both literally and figuratively.

ReadyAtLast

Today I rushed home from work excited about logging in to SR Not done that in a long time. It's great to read everyone's stories and to see how much support is on here.

bblackbirdflyy

Two weeks free after today. Wahoo! Busy day today, just wanted to check in.

HelenofTroy

Bblackbirdflyy I love your signature! Very inspirational (and of course you sing it in your head when reading it lol).

tekink

Congratulations! Sounds like we stopped on the same day. Day 14 today. A feet I've done three times in my life (all in the last year), I've only made it past 14 days once.

Good morning!

ReadyAtLast

congrats on 2 weeks tetink and bblackbirdflyy and eveyrone else on their milestones whether it be 2 or 22 days

Great post windancer- it is poison- Whether it's dressed up as nice wine or whatever it's still poison!

Hi HelenofTroy, I love the Rational Recovery book and do recommend it if you're interested in looking into that method. The author is Jack Trimpney-think I got it on Amazon.

Hugbear- your meeting with friends in a couple of weeks is obviously, and understandably, causing you some concern. Have you thought about not going? I couldn't go out with friends in a drinking environment so early in recovery ( well I did and it didn't end well but that's a different story )

Ask yourself how will you feel when you sit down and they start drinking? How will you react when they offer you drink? Are you strong enough to say no? What if they persist? Will you be bored being sober when they are getting tipsy and want to join in 'properly'? I hope you don't think I'm being preachy.

There is no shame in not going and understanding that putting yourself in the way of such temptation early on might not be the best idea. One thing I've learned is that I have to put me and my recovery first. If other people don't like it or want to fall out with me that's their problem, not mine. I'm sure your friends won't do that though but it's something to think about. There is also the stress and pressure of before the event and after which causes many to pick up again.

Anyway hope everyone is doing ok.

Windancer

I am having a really bad day .
I am aware I'm on a self pity train right now, mixed with intense anger, frustration and resentment. I had probation and this legal stuff always triggers me. I know, it is my fault and my fault alone that I have legal troubles. Without alcohol though I would have no legal troubles whatsoever and I loathe feeling stuck and swallowed up by the system. I am actually facing possible jail time for my new (and last, so help me God) set of charges that I received after having a very bad relapse and mental breakdown following the end of an extremely abusive relationship. I thought my legal troubles were all behind me. Bloody alcohol. It amazes me how powerful that sh*t is. Sober, I am an excellent, kind, gentle law abiding citizen. Drunk I am an insane, violent, verbally abusive, self harming, crazy out of control banshee.

So I had intense urges of "Screw it! I can't handle life anymore and everything is f*cked anyhow so I'm giving in and getting hammered". But I didn't. Actually remembering the post about alcohol being powerful poison helped with that so thank you Rob 65.

Sorry for the language and I'm not in the mood to edit. Just needed to vent and now I might need to have a real good cry.

Windancer

I also feel bad because I gave my mother I very hard time today. I did apologize and calm down and semi-followed my Crisis Plan.

LastDrinks

Well done everyone, looks a lot of people are hitting 2 weeks today, me included.

Wind dancer I hope things work out OK for you. It's amazing the different person that comes out when we drink and the bad things that come from it. Hopefully we all keep that drunken side of ourselves locked away forever from now on.

For all the bad things that come from drinking compared to the small amount of good things it's amazing we kept doing doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result... Insanity in its truest form really.

DolAndel

Sorry to hear, Wind. Hope your week gets better. I had to bite my tongue talking to my mom on the phone last night. Those are some of my most trying moments these days. Keeping ya in my thoughts today. Good luck.

ReadyAtLast

Vent away windancer - that is what we are here for. It's best to come on here when you feel like this as there will always be someone somewhere around who will be able to help you. We all know what you're going through.

I've spent my weekend beating myself up but try and let the bad feelings go. I know it's so much easier said than done but it is what it is today and no amount of beating yourself up will make you feel any better, just worse

Picking up now won't solve anything or change the past and it will make the future worse. Ok you can't change what has happened but you can change what will happen. You've got this set of circumstances to deal with but you need never have to go through it again if you don't drink.

I know it's easy to just say forget it and pick up but I know that never worked for me, just made things a whole lot worse

Good on you for not picking up and you can cry on our shoulders here. Sending strength and support to you,

ReadyAtLast

I was pretty harsh to my mother on the phone today too - I find the way she deals with my much older adult sister really hard to deal with sometimes. Sometimes I just need to breathe and step back

hugbear

Day 2 - almost bedtime here so thought I would wish you all well.

Wind and DoAndel - I'm sending you big hugs and positive thoughts. I feel more lost at the moment than frustrated but I'm certain in the next month it will come big time. Let's stick together and we can beat this.

Rob, Helen of Troy and EH - you are so right about alcohol being a poison and this is the way I need to visualise it now so I keep off it.

RAL - hope you are doing ok today. Your previous comments were in no way preachy so please don't think that. I prefer honesty over lip service. I have thought about not going but I rarely see these friends and they mean an awful lot to me. I think a strategy where I leave early might work. I've got a few weeks to figure it out.

Night all and stay strong. See you in the morning. Xxx

ReadyAtLast

Thanks Hugbear I'm glad you prefer it that way. Sometimes it can be difficult when writing not to come across as preachy or seem to direct/bossy even though that is not the intention.

As I'm sure we all do in the first few days of sobriety I've been doing a lot of thinking, pondering, soul searching. If I'm honest looking back over the last few weeks I had become very lazy. I would come home from work and watch TV, doing minimal tasks and not being the best mother. I was struggling in life but didn't see it. Maybe I was getting depressed again, have suffered badly in the past bt it stopped when I stopped drinking.

Since Saturday I have made myself just do things. Simple tasks and now I am starting to feel better. I love baking bread and used to do it every couple of days but seem to have lost interest in that. I made some yesterday and then dd some cooking today after work. Gave the house a thorough clean, chopped some wood ready for winter but most importantly really interacted with my son. Talked to him, read with him, played with him. Don't get me wrong- I have been doing those things but not been truly present. I'm sure there will be bad days but feeling a little more positive today.

Hope everyone has had a good day (or is still having a good day ) Sleep now beckons. See you all tomorrow.

HelenofTroy

Windancer go ahead and have a good cry - it's amazing how therapeutic that can be! I have no words of wisdom regarding your legal problems, but some lyrics from Sixx A.M.'s "Accidents Can Happen" (from The Heroin Diaries) come to mind:

And you know that accidents can happen
And it's okay,
We all fall off the wagon sometimes
It's not your whole life
It's only one day
You haven't thrown everything away.

I have been so impressed with the progress you have made getting your horses set up in new housing. Good things are happening. I hope you can take some comfort from that.

CuteNGayYay

Windancer

Snarly

Hi all,
Just started posting today and saw this thread.
Not sure if I should start posting here as it is the end of Sept already!
Sober 6 days and posted what to me has been a really rough few days.

I just realized that this board is where I should hang out to keep me from doing anything stupid...nighttime is the worst!

Thanks to everyone....feels a little like listening in?

Snarly

This is the perfect image for me...I'm the one who needs to get smacked constantly to remind me alcohol bad for me

CuteNGayYay

Welcome Snarly to our class! Yes you belong here! Good job on 6 days

Windancer

Thanks so much. I have put an awful lot into my recovery lately and trying to take responsibility. And look after my beloved furbabies. I do take comfort in that. And I have so much to be grateful for really. I have a lovely place to live for cheap (and I am dead broke). I still have my horses. I have the support of my parents. I've got people willing to help me get to AA meetings most days and I have no license living in the country. So I am lucky.

I'm also really sore because of finding who I thought was my soul mate in bed with another woman. That hurts so badly. And he was hiding a cocaine addiction from me. He was my best friend for 14 years, and I've lost that now. I've had so many losses lately . But I always thought Kyle would be there for me.