Feeling a Slip Coming
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Feeling a Slip Coming
I just got back from my therapy appointment today and it was a rough one. I sat in my car crying for twenty minutes before driving to a gas station to buy cigarettes. I carefully noticed there was no beer stocked which I think all gas stations should be similar. Though I had no intention of purchasing any, why did I take notice?
It just so happened there was a house I use to live at as a child during a time when I was physically and emotionally abused by my babysitter and brother. The house was dirty and not suitable for children in the very least.
I drove by it and it looks like it's been remodeled and it's beautiful. I got upset for some reason. To me it should represent a past I don't want to go back too but at the same time I feel jealous that the house was not in that condition when I was forced to live there.
Now I am emotionally raw and can only imagine buying beer. I keep telling the AV to shut it but I feel I needed to check in here first.
Anxiety is all over the place and the tears just won't stop coming.
Thanks for listening.
It just so happened there was a house I use to live at as a child during a time when I was physically and emotionally abused by my babysitter and brother. The house was dirty and not suitable for children in the very least.
I drove by it and it looks like it's been remodeled and it's beautiful. I got upset for some reason. To me it should represent a past I don't want to go back too but at the same time I feel jealous that the house was not in that condition when I was forced to live there.
Now I am emotionally raw and can only imagine buying beer. I keep telling the AV to shut it but I feel I needed to check in here first.
Anxiety is all over the place and the tears just won't stop coming.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Mare Crisium
Posts: 1,930
You did a very wise thing, checking in here first.
This shows that you really don't want the "slip".
Go rest, try and relax. Tomorrow you'll be glad
you're not on day one, like I am today.
Good advice, checking in first. Thanks, I'll remember this.
Hope you feel better.
This shows that you really don't want the "slip".
Go rest, try and relax. Tomorrow you'll be glad
you're not on day one, like I am today.
Good advice, checking in first. Thanks, I'll remember this.
Hope you feel better.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
you done amazing at your session and coming here & not drinking im not going to pretend I know what your going through but a family member was abused and I can imagine right now after therapy which I have done before your feeling rough x I want to underline just how brave strong & beautiful your post is don't give in to the drink your worth so much more
Stay with us here at SR
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Glad you came here newhope. You know the sorrow, shame and increased anxiety that drinking will bring, everything will be worse than it is now. It's just your addiction talking, that's all. You've already made a lot of good choices today and know the right choice when it comes to alcohol, you've got this one in the bag.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by newhope01 
I sure hope so 
It's hard to do, but it really works...you have to just remind yourself that whatever bad stuff your anxiety is telling you, it rarely every comes true. And if it does it's not because you worried about it or not...it just happens. Kick it to the curb and allow yourself to do something constructive, busy that is of benefit. Take a walk, weed a flowerbed, cook some food, call or write an email to a relative or old friend you haven't talked to in a while.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
I'm starting to calm down now. The AV is still whispering to me but first I need to have some soup and broccoli. That's all I'm going to focus on for right now.
I do know a bit about anxiety but I think mine gets triggered when I have to deal with strong emotions. Id rather not because the pain is so overwhelming that it make it hard for me to cope after.
My anxiety builds while in the parking lot before therapy because I know I am going to have to put in some serious work and those emotions are so overwhelming for me.
Not sure if that makes any sense.
I do know a bit about anxiety but I think mine gets triggered when I have to deal with strong emotions. Id rather not because the pain is so overwhelming that it make it hard for me to cope after.
My anxiety builds while in the parking lot before therapy because I know I am going to have to put in some serious work and those emotions are so overwhelming for me.
Not sure if that makes any sense.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Anytime
Have you tried these links before for cravings & urges
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html
Have you tried these links before for cravings & urges
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html
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Posts: 61,491
Newhope, the tears you shed are likely very useful in helping you deal with your past and begin to move on.
I know how scary and difficult it can be to deal with anxiety. Taking small steps and with the help of a therapist, you will be able to get through this. Journaling helped me a lot to deal with the strong emotions I felt in early recovery. It might be helpful for you.
I think that sometimes those feelings of anxiety kind of appear when unexpected. The house I grew up in was small but beautiful and very well-kept with a yard that was perfectly manicured. It showed nothing of the horror that went on inside. Interestingly, I looked at the house recently on google map and it's in complete disrepair and literally falling down, weeds everywhere. It left me unsettled and I'm still working through why that is.
I know how scary and difficult it can be to deal with anxiety. Taking small steps and with the help of a therapist, you will be able to get through this. Journaling helped me a lot to deal with the strong emotions I felt in early recovery. It might be helpful for you.
I think that sometimes those feelings of anxiety kind of appear when unexpected. The house I grew up in was small but beautiful and very well-kept with a yard that was perfectly manicured. It showed nothing of the horror that went on inside. Interestingly, I looked at the house recently on google map and it's in complete disrepair and literally falling down, weeds everywhere. It left me unsettled and I'm still working through why that is.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: London
Posts: 2,040
Hi newhope. I have been having psychotherapy for the last 1.5yrs. I have finally been FEELING those difficult emotions and experiences from my past...rather than blocking them with alcohol. As painful as it is...it will allow you to finally deal with these emotions and heal. Wishing you well on the rest of your recovery journey x
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Join Date: May 2012
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Originally Posted by newhope01
My anxiety builds while in the parking lot before therapy because I know I am going to have to put in some serious work and those emotions are so overwhelming for me.
Not sure if that makes any sense.
Not sure if that makes any sense.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 350
Hi Newhope,
It's a pleasure to meet you.
So much pain, yes. But you are letting yourself feel it. I find this amazing!!! I'm just re-learning how to cry. As another member said, tears are important. They got me through my teen years, for sure!! They are an amazing healing source. There is even much evidence that we release detrimental chemicals in our tears
I hope that your therapy sessions are bringing you insight, awareness and some release. But I would mention that, if at any point, you feel as though your therapist is not being helpful perhaps look for someone else. I say this cautiously. I've been in situations were I mistook good intentions for bad ones because "I was in denial." But I've had my share of bad ones too. It can be a tough call. The next time I see a therapist I'm thinking of taking someone I trust very much along with me the first time or two.
What concerns me is that it sounds a bit as if you are putting yourself in risky places that could lure you out of your sobriety. If you smoke, maybe purchase at a place where the alcohol isn't so visible. I know that the two are usually sold at the same counter. I'm so desperate to not drink, that if I smoked I would call the nearby grocery and request that my pack be taken over to the general checkout and held for me where there is no liquor. It's a busy place, but they'd do it. Did you go out of your way to visit your old neighborhood? If so, I think that's called a "trigger." Please don't go looking for old Ghosts. What happened to you was too traumatic. I don't think trying to "desensitize" yourself is a good idea. If you seek out those sources of earlier pain right now you will likely find it. You don't need that. Perhaps go places that offer joyful memories (or that are just "happier" places). I walk near or even park near a local park where kids play and people enjoy themselves alcohol-free. It makes me feel good to see others enjoying themselves as I try to learn how to.
Take care of yourself. You are stronger than you know. We all are.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
So much pain, yes. But you are letting yourself feel it. I find this amazing!!! I'm just re-learning how to cry. As another member said, tears are important. They got me through my teen years, for sure!! They are an amazing healing source. There is even much evidence that we release detrimental chemicals in our tears
I hope that your therapy sessions are bringing you insight, awareness and some release. But I would mention that, if at any point, you feel as though your therapist is not being helpful perhaps look for someone else. I say this cautiously. I've been in situations were I mistook good intentions for bad ones because "I was in denial." But I've had my share of bad ones too. It can be a tough call. The next time I see a therapist I'm thinking of taking someone I trust very much along with me the first time or two.
What concerns me is that it sounds a bit as if you are putting yourself in risky places that could lure you out of your sobriety. If you smoke, maybe purchase at a place where the alcohol isn't so visible. I know that the two are usually sold at the same counter. I'm so desperate to not drink, that if I smoked I would call the nearby grocery and request that my pack be taken over to the general checkout and held for me where there is no liquor. It's a busy place, but they'd do it. Did you go out of your way to visit your old neighborhood? If so, I think that's called a "trigger." Please don't go looking for old Ghosts. What happened to you was too traumatic. I don't think trying to "desensitize" yourself is a good idea. If you seek out those sources of earlier pain right now you will likely find it. You don't need that. Perhaps go places that offer joyful memories (or that are just "happier" places). I walk near or even park near a local park where kids play and people enjoy themselves alcohol-free. It makes me feel good to see others enjoying themselves as I try to learn how to.
Take care of yourself. You are stronger than you know. We all are.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Originally Posted by Anna
I think that sometimes those feelings of anxiety kind of appear when unexpected. The house I grew up in was small but beautiful and very well-kept with a yard that was perfectly manicured. It showed nothing of the horror that went on inside. Interestingly, I looked at the house recently on google map and it's in complete disrepair and literally falling down, weeds everywhere. It left me unsettled and I'm still working through why that is.
So, I drove there for some reason after our session and now I need to figure out why I felt I needed to do that. I guess I expected to see it the way it was before, and I feel bad that I expected it to look the same. It was almost as if I am still trapped in that part of my past that no longer exists and part of me doesn't want to move on.
Anyway, I appreciate your insight and on-going support. From what you shared it was nice to see what I described from a different perspective. Makes one want to think more.
Thank you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Hi Dame :)
Originally Posted by Dame
Hi Newhope,
It's a pleasure to meet you.
So much pain, yes. But you are letting yourself feel it. I find this amazing!!! I'm just re-learning how to cry. As another member said, tears are important. They got me through my teen years, for sure!! They are an amazing healing source. There is even much evidence that we release detrimental chemicals in our tears
I hope that your therapy sessions are bringing you insight, awareness and some release. But I would mention that, if at any point, you feel as though your therapist is not being helpful perhaps look for someone else. I say this cautiously. I've been in situations were I mistook good intentions for bad ones because "I was in denial." But I've had my share of bad ones too. It can be a tough call. The next time I see a therapist I'm thinking of taking someone I trust very much along with me the first time or two.
What concerns me is that it sounds a bit as if you are putting yourself in risky places that could lure you out of your sobriety. If you smoke, maybe purchase at a place where the alcohol isn't so visible. I know that the two are usually sold at the same counter. I'm so desperate to not drink, that if I smoked I would call the nearby grocery and request that my pack be taken over to the general checkout and held for me where there is no liquor. It's a busy place, but they'd do it. Did you go out of your way to visit your old neighborhood? If so, I think that's called a "trigger." Please don't go looking for old Ghosts. What happened to you was too traumatic. I don't think trying to "desensitize" yourself is a good idea. If you seek out those sources of earlier pain right now you will likely find it. You don't need that. Perhaps go places that offer joyful memories (or that are just "happier" places). I walk near or even park near a local park where kids play and people enjoy themselves alcohol-free. It makes me feel good to see others enjoying themselves as I try to learn how to.
Take care of yourself. You are stronger than you know. We all are.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
So much pain, yes. But you are letting yourself feel it. I find this amazing!!! I'm just re-learning how to cry. As another member said, tears are important. They got me through my teen years, for sure!! They are an amazing healing source. There is even much evidence that we release detrimental chemicals in our tears
I hope that your therapy sessions are bringing you insight, awareness and some release. But I would mention that, if at any point, you feel as though your therapist is not being helpful perhaps look for someone else. I say this cautiously. I've been in situations were I mistook good intentions for bad ones because "I was in denial." But I've had my share of bad ones too. It can be a tough call. The next time I see a therapist I'm thinking of taking someone I trust very much along with me the first time or two.
What concerns me is that it sounds a bit as if you are putting yourself in risky places that could lure you out of your sobriety. If you smoke, maybe purchase at a place where the alcohol isn't so visible. I know that the two are usually sold at the same counter. I'm so desperate to not drink, that if I smoked I would call the nearby grocery and request that my pack be taken over to the general checkout and held for me where there is no liquor. It's a busy place, but they'd do it. Did you go out of your way to visit your old neighborhood? If so, I think that's called a "trigger." Please don't go looking for old Ghosts. What happened to you was too traumatic. I don't think trying to "desensitize" yourself is a good idea. If you seek out those sources of earlier pain right now you will likely find it. You don't need that. Perhaps go places that offer joyful memories (or that are just "happier" places). I walk near or even park near a local park where kids play and people enjoy themselves alcohol-free. It makes me feel good to see others enjoying themselves as I try to learn how to.
Take care of yourself. You are stronger than you know. We all are.
I haven't drove by it in years, but did so today due to our session. I guess I just wanted to see it again. I never did drugs in that house and the gas station I went to doesn't sell alcohol. But, still after that session I felt a breakdown was imminent, so I checked in here first.
But, I think you are right about seeking happier places instead of haunting my own past. I've been watching old tv shows and caring for my kittens.
Also, don't worry I will be telling my therapist about what I did after our last session. It's only fair to the both of us. Honesty is key.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi newhope
I said to someone yesterday - you can get upset all you like, you can face as many demons as you need to...but the one thing we can;t do is drink on it.
It's ok to cry and it's OK to feel anxious. Believe that
The only way we'll get to a place of happiness and peace is to stay sober.
I was told that, I believed it,. and it came true.
It will for you too.
You will be amazed at what you can handle, how capable you become and what you can achieve sober
D
Now I am emotionally raw and can only imagine buying beer. I keep telling the AV to shut it but I feel I needed to check in here first.
Anxiety is all over the place and the tears just won't stop coming.
Anxiety is all over the place and the tears just won't stop coming.
It's ok to cry and it's OK to feel anxious. Believe that
The only way we'll get to a place of happiness and peace is to stay sober.
I was told that, I believed it,. and it came true.
It will for you too.
You will be amazed at what you can handle, how capable you become and what you can achieve sober
D
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