Up In Smoke

[Mikado]

Hi there folks I am 37 years old and have been smoking pot for over 20 years now. At first it was just to fit in and have a few laughs. I am not sure exactly when it happened but I went from ocassional user to a full blown addict.
I have been practicing quitting for about the last 12 years or so. I have tried NA a couple of times but stayed long enough to get my white key tag and split. I have even tried keeping a journal to chronicle my failures all starting the same way: "This is It..." or "No More" or my particular fav "Never Again".
Every time it is the same deal get a few days in and the ugliness apears. I am for lack of a better word a real Pill to be around to be around while detoxing and then I cave. With the same promise "This is the last time after this I get help".
The anger is what gets to me because I am usually easy go lucky I am ashamed. I never would have thought that something I used to enjoy is now in total control of my life. I care about nothing else.

M

[Dan]

Hi Mikado, and welcome.
"This is It..." or "No More" or my particular fav "Never Again".
Not to sound flippant, but how about trying Just for today again?
I'm 44, recovering addict. Finished up with alcohol.
I got to that place, where I cared about nothing else. And even then, I still chased the illusion that I enjoyed it, even though I could barely put one foot in front on the other some days.
I tried, one more time, with AA and NA.
I ended up in rehab. When I came home, I went back to the rooms.
It's this time around that I've been lucky enough to start understanding what obsession and compulsion do to me if I don't catch myself in that thought cycle.
I hope you find a way that's going to work for you.
Glad you're here.
I still miss Toronto.

[Richie]

Hi Mikado,I was exactly the same three weeks ago.Pot is just as addicting as anything else if you're inclined to it.I smoked for thirty one years(daily and all day long).I never would have thought I could go this long without it.The first two weeks were incredibly hard but it did get better.You have come to the right place.There are loads of people here who understand and care about you and your situation.They helped pull me through with their advice and support.If I can do it I know you can!
There are some very wise people here.I'm sure you will get a lot of support.It has made a world of difference for me and I never met anyone who smoked more than I did!I'll be praying for you.

[lonlion]

Hi Mikado I went into treatment for pot as well. The first 2 weeks were spent crying, then the anger surfaced. I asked myself where is this anger coming from. It came from all the years of hurt and abuse that I self medicated to push my feelings down. I stuck with it, thank God I was in hospital detox, and once I got through all the anger thanks to the treatment centre that followed, I became a happy person, having dealt with and dumped most of my crap at the centre and hospital.
I really had no idea I was keeping all that inside me. Now, when I feel anger towards someone for a valid reason, I talk to them and try to be nice and express myself. I don't want to keep things in anymore, I know I will pay for it later.
I will tell you working through all the anger and pain was the hardest work I have ever done in my life, but the benefits have been priceless.

All the best to you and keep trying and coming back