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Drank last night, learned from it

Old 11-29-2015, 06:16 AM
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Originally Posted by thomas11 View Post
I did it because it was a social occasion, and for normal drinkers, it was normal.
But you are not a Normal drinker, right? That's the real decision you need to clarify with yourself.
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Old 11-29-2015, 06:48 AM
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Jeff, you are a thoughtful and honest guy. Several times I've thought that perhaps you may not have been as committed as I thought you were -though, of course, I really hoped I was wrong.

I'm finding much of this is a "mind thing". I think that we need to see ourselves the way we are: good people who have a condition that we must learn to live and deal with if we want to survive and thrive. It took me quite awhile to go from not drinking to seeing myself in my mind's eye as a permanent non-drinker. I believe you will get there, too!
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Old 11-29-2015, 08:03 AM
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The most natural thing for an alcoholic to do is drink. Not drinking is against what we have trained our minds and bodies to do. It takes time and unfortunately some encores for many.

Eventually I found my will power to be insufficient and sought a program of recovery within the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and working the program.

Thanks for the thread - it may help others struggling as well.
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Old 11-29-2015, 08:08 AM
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Jeff, there is lots of good counsel here.
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Old 11-29-2015, 08:22 AM
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I will also second this, pretty much what I was thinking after reading your OP, Jeff, even without looking at the responses.

Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
*ok unlicensed psych analysis mode on*

Honestly I think your biggest hurdle is always going to be how you look to other people.

I don't mean that in an insecure way, but you are fighting yourself a little.

I think a little part of you still views it as a weakness that you can't drink like everyone else. A little part of you still defines yourself as a drinker.

I think a little part of you is resentful that you can't and a little part of you simply doesn't want to be different.

You need to keep feeding that other part of you - the sober you who is more in touch with his life, his wife and his loved ones...the sober you who feels great and - most importantly, the sober you who is not afraid to strike out on a new path and doesn't give a damn what people think.

*unlicensed psych analysis mode off*
D
I'm not usually as careful as Dee with sharing my unsolicited analyses and interpretations even knowing that they are not always welcome, unbiased or helpful in a certain phase or moment, but I think sometimes very direct and straight feedback is more useful than unconditional acceptance, especially in groups where we can receive a variety of responses, especially when it comes to something as serious as playing with substance addiction. So here goes. I have been feeling a vibe/pattern like what Dee pointed out from pretty much the earliest times when you started posting here on SR, manifesting in a few ways and you also acknowledged that you are sensitive when it comes to other people's opinions and reactions to you. The thing is, we all are to various extends, that vulnerability is totally normal part of being human, given that it is our nature to be highly responsive to all kinds of interpersonal relations. Also, most of us want to fit in and belong somewhere and are very willing to adjust our behaviors to earn the acceptance and positive regard of others. The problem (one problem) with addiction is that this feature also gets severely distorted in active addicts and when we experiment with trying to get "just a little" of our DOC. The whole palette of how we become very manipulative and often abusive when we are drinking/using is a good example: we definitely stop caring how others perceive us and relate to us in order to get what we want...

Wanting acceptance, attention, admiration etc is part of normal life. Why not earn stably the company and admiration of sober people then, or even normal drinkers but in forms that does not have anything to do with drinking? This is a frequently recurring theme here on SR, that people wonder how to handle situations where drinking by others is involved, and what those drinkers will think if we do not drink alcohol. Imo, it is true that we can be vulnerable to potential judgment in those situations and are afraid of it, but much more importantly, I think it's more an excuse to get what we want: the influence of alcohol. I think most of us who had/have a drinking problem seek that far more than any company of friends, family, whatever relationship or status -- why addiction causes so much damage and so many losses in our lives.

I also resonate with those that raised the points about the learning experiences... in my mind, that's another form of thinking that serves to "protect" us from facing the consequences of playing with fire. I personally see it as a form of intellectualizing our wishes and loopholes -- something I was extremely prone and to be honest, still am sometimes when I think back to all the years spent drinking. It's hard to admit and accept it was completely useless and not something that made me into a wiser person because I battled it.

Anyhow, I don't want to go on too long dissecting it, but I felt like sharing these thoughts because I see a repetitive pattern here that is probably not only in my head and perception. It's okay to feel frustrated and angry at having the kind of problems we do and that it requires such drastic measures to stay away from it. It's okay to resent whatever caused the problem and wanting it undone. But there are other ways to act out that resentment and frustration than turning it to ourselves and harming ourselves (and eventually others as well) in the process, you know? In a way, you see this is exactly what I am doing here, making these comments to you. It's definitely fueled by hating what my drinking has done in my life and could do if I gave it any chance in the future. Same feeling for others who are dealing with the same.

You have so much to offer others, Jeff, beyond and above being a drinking buddy!
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Old 11-29-2015, 10:24 AM
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Jeff, have you thought about joining the One year and under thread? We've got an awesome sober group going on!
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Old 11-29-2015, 10:27 AM
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Back on track and in my comfort zone. Our guests are gone, sober Saturday evening and football is on the TV.
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Old 11-29-2015, 10:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Saskia View Post
Jeff, have you thought about joining the One year and under thread? We've got an awesome sober group going on!
No, but i will look into it.
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Old 11-29-2015, 12:36 PM
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Here you go

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-50-a.html
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Old 11-29-2015, 01:48 PM
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I'm glad your back with us Jeff!!
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Old 11-29-2015, 01:56 PM
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Thomas alcoholism is cunning baffling and powerful , 1st you had one , then again you had one , now you've had 3 , so if history repeats itself ? what then ? stopping is very very easy done it hundreds of times then rationalized and justified that !! oh next time will be different ( ******** ).

What plan do you have to ensure it does not happen again ? hope ? you wont wake up some morning and find out that you have suddenly changed , you need to take action now , here's hoping that it was your ''convincer '', take care .

Regards .

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Old 11-29-2015, 02:01 PM
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Originally Posted by thomas11 View Post
Back on track and in my comfort zone. Our guests are gone, sober Saturday evening and football is on the TV.
I'm glad you're back in your comfort zone, but that doesn't mean the problem is done and dusted.

I hope you read and digested the good advice you got here Jeff - even if you don't agree or don't want to reply to it.

It's the discomfort zone you need to think about.

I really think there is still an ongoing issue for you and until you face that, things are going to be wobbly for you, bro....

D
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Old 11-29-2015, 02:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I'm glad you're back in your comfort zone, but that doesn't mean the problem is done and dusted.

I hope you read and digested the good advice you got here Jeff - even if you don't agree or don't want to reply to it.

It's the discomfort zone you need to think about.

I really think there is still an ongoing issue for you and until you face that, things are going to be wobbly for you, bro....

D
I've read all of the responses quite carefully and I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond. Do not take the fact that I haven't gushed out paragraphs of my thoughts, that I'm taking it lightly. I thought about it plenty. What I learned from it is that it wasn't the magic elixir that we somehow convince ourselves it is. Its was the same crappy substance. I am fortunate as there were no consequences, but that doesn't change anything. I am not a normal drinker, and I do not want to try and become a normal drinker. There was something that happened that could have "triggered" it. But that's kind of just an excuse, nothing more.
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Old 11-29-2015, 02:31 PM
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Dee, thanks for mentioning the difference and importance of a comfort zone and a DIS-comfort zone. I have never thought about it that way, and I agree with you completely. Thank you for that.
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Old 11-29-2015, 02:35 PM
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If your trigger makes a liar out of me and my analysis I'm all ears Jeff
I hope you can make what happened a turning point.

D
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Old 11-29-2015, 02:45 PM
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Thomas, I'm glad you're back and that you're feeling better now.

Early recovery for me was a time for me to put my needs first. I was about to lose everything and I knew I had to make choices. I stayed away from people and places involving alcohol for many months, most of a year. That was what I needed to do. Maybe you can rethink some of your social situations and find some answers.
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Old 11-29-2015, 02:52 PM
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Thanks for the reminder of how fragile sobriety is!!
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Old 11-29-2015, 02:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
If your trigger makes a liar out of me and my analysis I'm all ears Jeff
I hope you can make what happened a turning point.

D
Not sure I understand Dee? I will not question your analysis. After all, you are the one with 8+ years under your belt. I am in no position to question you. Or anyone that has significant sober time under their belt for that matter.
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Old 11-29-2015, 02:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
Thomas, I'm glad you're back and that you're feeling better now.

Early recovery for me was a time for me to put my needs first. I was about to lose everything and I knew I had to make choices. I stayed away from people and places involving alcohol for many months, most of a year. That was what I needed to do. Maybe you can rethink some of your social situations and find some answers.
I was definitely around a lot of alcohol consumption these past few days. Seeing people drunk taught me some things. My wife and I were talking this morning and she said "just think, that used to be you...a lot".
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Old 11-29-2015, 03:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I'm glad you're back in your comfort zone, but that doesn't mean the problem is done and dusted.

I hope you read and digested the good advice you got here Jeff - even if you don't agree or don't want to reply to it.

It's the discomfort zone you need to think about.

I really think there is still an ongoing issue for you and until you face that, things are going to be wobbly for you, bro....

D
My current thought process goes something like this "I need to make the transition from not drinking, to sobriety". I am admittedly in the not drinking stage. And even at that, I drank (3) on Friday.
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