This came across my desk.
EndGame
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
This came across my desk.
http://www.spiritualriver.com/holist...to-stay-sober/
6 Things that a Recovering Alcoholic Needs to Learn in Order to Stay Sober
I agree with many of the writer's points of view, even though the article is necessarily incomplete. I also disagree with some of it, in particular, the idea that the best way to learn some of these things -- or the only way -- is by relapsing. It sends a bad message and is simply not true for everyone. Any excuse for drinking is a bad excuse. Lobbying for the notion that "everyone relapses" is neither clever nor true. It's a wholly unhelpful sentiment that only signals resistance to change.
It's difficult for me to recall anyone who's relapsed say that they didn't lie to themselves in some way prior to picking up the drink. Even when this is not stated, or the person claims to be unaware of it, it's also difficult for me to imagine that an act of bad faith was not present. We know what our drinking does to us and where it takes us.
I relapsed once for three years in the past thirty two years, and I didn't learn anything meaningful from it that I didn't already know. I lied to myself and then chose to maintain my self-deception in order to continue drinking. I was fine as long as I was able to persuade others to believe that I couldn't stop. After about twelve years of being active in AA and in my sobriety generally, it took me about thirteen additional years after I stopped taking my sobriety seriously to actually pick up the drink. During those thirteen years, my attitudes and behaviors changed dramatically and much for the worse. I slowly but progressively lowered my standards. I eventually tolerated a life that was decaying right in front of me and was all of my own doing. Lying to myself became a way of being.
I do agree with the emphasis in the article placed on the enormity of the problem, and that "the solution" has many levels of engagement. In my experience, a thorough plan of action is necessary; nothing else will do. Changing my thinking -- which was largely the result of hard work and an openness to what reality provided me -- and my recognition of and reaction to my feelings was a painstaking process, but I'd never have achieved meaningful sobriety without it. There was nothing from my fantasy life, both my drunken life and my contaminated sober life, that was worth bringing forward.
I would add to the article that, for many of us, the past is a story that should never have been written. Although we may “get back” things we lost or surrendered while drinking, there is no such thing as going back to "who we were," what life was before, or to a fantasied sense of self that never existed.
6 Things that a Recovering Alcoholic Needs to Learn in Order to Stay Sober
I agree with many of the writer's points of view, even though the article is necessarily incomplete. I also disagree with some of it, in particular, the idea that the best way to learn some of these things -- or the only way -- is by relapsing. It sends a bad message and is simply not true for everyone. Any excuse for drinking is a bad excuse. Lobbying for the notion that "everyone relapses" is neither clever nor true. It's a wholly unhelpful sentiment that only signals resistance to change.
It's difficult for me to recall anyone who's relapsed say that they didn't lie to themselves in some way prior to picking up the drink. Even when this is not stated, or the person claims to be unaware of it, it's also difficult for me to imagine that an act of bad faith was not present. We know what our drinking does to us and where it takes us.
I relapsed once for three years in the past thirty two years, and I didn't learn anything meaningful from it that I didn't already know. I lied to myself and then chose to maintain my self-deception in order to continue drinking. I was fine as long as I was able to persuade others to believe that I couldn't stop. After about twelve years of being active in AA and in my sobriety generally, it took me about thirteen additional years after I stopped taking my sobriety seriously to actually pick up the drink. During those thirteen years, my attitudes and behaviors changed dramatically and much for the worse. I slowly but progressively lowered my standards. I eventually tolerated a life that was decaying right in front of me and was all of my own doing. Lying to myself became a way of being.
I do agree with the emphasis in the article placed on the enormity of the problem, and that "the solution" has many levels of engagement. In my experience, a thorough plan of action is necessary; nothing else will do. Changing my thinking -- which was largely the result of hard work and an openness to what reality provided me -- and my recognition of and reaction to my feelings was a painstaking process, but I'd never have achieved meaningful sobriety without it. There was nothing from my fantasy life, both my drunken life and my contaminated sober life, that was worth bringing forward.
I would add to the article that, for many of us, the past is a story that should never have been written. Although we may “get back” things we lost or surrendered while drinking, there is no such thing as going back to "who we were," what life was before, or to a fantasied sense of self that never existed.
You're right EndGame it was interesting. I suppose the sad truth is that probably 99% of us have relapsed in some form or other. My first efforts at sobriety (before I joined SR) were just white knuckling it, 23 days was my longest effort.
Trying to build on recovery is definitely a good idea, anything that gives you that extra bit of "cushion"
Changing my thought processes is the hardest thing, trying to overcome those default reactions, but worth the effort as it improves ones life in all sorts of unexpected ways
Trying to build on recovery is definitely a good idea, anything that gives you that extra bit of "cushion"
Changing my thought processes is the hardest thing, trying to overcome those default reactions, but worth the effort as it improves ones life in all sorts of unexpected ways
Professional zombie fighter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Yes, interesting article. I particularly liked the part where it talked about gratitude, and how that's something you have to act out. That's probably one of the neatest things I heard during the time I was in AA, that "gratitude is an action word." That's really helping me right now, at (all of) nine days. Thanks for linking.
Thanks for sharing the article, and for your insightful and inspiring post.
It's a pretty good article overall, I think, but I agree with your reservations about Section 6 and the inevitability of relapse.
The problem is, there's no external objective measure for how much "action" constitutes the "massive action" necessary to prevent relapse. Relapse itself is the only indicator for whether your action is (or isn't) "massive" enough.
Seems like the issue is perhaps more nuanced than the author was able to address in one short article.
It's a pretty good article overall, I think, but I agree with your reservations about Section 6 and the inevitability of relapse.
The problem is, there's no external objective measure for how much "action" constitutes the "massive action" necessary to prevent relapse. Relapse itself is the only indicator for whether your action is (or isn't) "massive" enough.
Seems like the issue is perhaps more nuanced than the author was able to address in one short article.
EndGame
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
The problem is, there's no external objective measure for how much "action" constitutes the "massive action" necessary to prevent relapse. Relapse itself is the only indicator for whether your action is (or isn't) "massive" enough.
Seems like the issue is perhaps more nuanced than the author was able to address in one short article.
Seems like the issue is perhaps more nuanced than the author was able to address in one short article.
I couldn't tackle everything at once in early sobriety. Still can't. But taking on simple problems, not problems "down the line," but those which more or less needed my immediate attention, and learning how to manage them usually brought me to a much better place.
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