Calicofish

I have been feeling rather down the last week coupled with body aches, fatigue and realizing that I've a torn rotator cuff (ouch). I never realized how much my body aches and well, alcohol was a great pain reliever when used (not so much the next day).

I came close a couple of times of picking up in the last 2 weeks because I was/am very anxious. I know exactly where the feelings are coming from. I sometimes wonder if I need extra help (in terms of anxiety medication). I suffer from episodes of extra heartbeats (this was diagnosed on a heart monitor in the presence of a cardiologist). Sometimes it goes on several times a day and it scares me and makes me super anxious. I always wonder...is this it? During those times I try to do things that will distract me.

Anyway - I'm kind of off tangent on my point. I happened to go through some pictures of my vacation last Feb. I was drinking heavily (the most in my entire life). They are not very flattering pictures. I look bloated and tired. I remember not wanting many pictures taken of myself because I knew what I looked like (I had access to mirrors).

I'm going to take a couple of those pictures and put them in easily accessible spots, so that whenever I have an urge/craving to pick up, I can look at those pictures and remember where that drink will lead me.

Hopefully, my blues will lift soon.

Saskia

Posting those pics sounds like a good step, Calico. I know it's not easy right now but it really does get better!

Calicofish

Oh I have no intention of posting those pictures to any public place. I meant putting them on my phone or copies in a drawer in my house. :-)

2ndhandrose

This is not a bad idea!

I have more than a few very unflattering drunk pictures if I feel like I need a stark reminder of what drinking looks like on me.

I am keeping this one in my back pocket!

RDBplus3

Often ... especially in active alcoholism and addiction ... negatives reinforce and accentuate deep negative feelings. When they get unbearable, we as alcoholics (and addicts) know how to obliterate those feelings, if only for the short time we are drunk. For me it happened on a lower level where I did not actually rationalize that it would be ok to have a drink 'just to cope' ... the feelings got so bad my automatic behavior (reinforced and engrained thru years of drinking to drown out bad feelings) took control.

Realizing the negative consequences of drinking is definitely a good step in recovery, but for me it took working thru the 12 Steps to be completely renewed in my thoughts, actions, self-concept, and a total transformation of my spiritually diseased self.

Keep on the path my friends ...
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE

Anna

Calico, it sounds like you're doing well. I hope that your anxiety lessens as you continue your recovery. Have you tried 'belly breaths'? It works well for me.

LBrain

Last summer I came across a box of photos. Remember them?
As I was going through them I realized a common theme among them. LB was usually drunk, getting drunk or recovering from a drunk in far too many photos. And these go back almost 40 years. Sad really. What a waste of time it was. Alcohol really altered my life in so many ways. I can't go back and do it over, but I can go forward and do better.

PurpleKnight

Hang in there Calico!! That sounds like a great idea!!

Soberwolf

As long as you dont start beating yourself up over it then why not i agree with Anna about belly breathing exercises they are really useful

thomas11

Calicofish, if it helps you, do it. Pretty simple. You sound like you are just going through a little case of the blues. I understand, and I believe most others do as well. Just hang tough man...hang tough.

Calicofish

Thank you for all the replies. Not sure what I am looking for. Hope I find it.

cf

FreeOwl

Keep sober and keep healthy! It gets better.

You might look into holy basil for anxiety... It helped me.

It gets easier and better. Don't give up!

Dee74

HiCalicoFish

sorry you've been anxious but it sounds like you're dealing with it well?

There's a few good suggestions of stress and anxiety here too
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...44-stress.html

MelindaFlowers

Great idea. On my Costco card I am visibly hungover with slits for eyes and a pained smile. I would like to say I remember that day but I don't. I was hungover every day. Pictures speak a thousand words.

Calicofish

Doesn't everyone look hungover on their Costco card? ;p

Wholesome

I know what you mean here! There is one from me last summer and it doesn't even look like me..... I had been off work with a knee injury, totally laid up, and I was drinking all day every day.... I had put on so much weight and I looked fat and bloated and tired. I was so upset over that picture. It was a family pic so it got put onto FB and I was tagged in it! Terrible!!! LOL

Happy to say I'm looking much better this summer

esoxlucius

Being tired has come up a couple of times in this thread and I've been thinking about that. It's only now, a few months in, that I realise how tired I was while drinking every day.
I was tired from sleeping badly due to having to drink to get to sleep, badly...
I was tired all morning due to a hangover.
I was tired from managing to hold down a good but demanding job while not really fit to do it because of drinking.
I was tired from all the machinations and strategies to hide my drinking from my friends, workmates, family, even the stores I bought from (I would rotate as I know others have).
As for the pictures, I would look at them when you can see a difference in how you look, not only on the outside but also the inside.

MelindaFlowers

lol!!!

MelindaFlowers

I can relate to this 100 percent. Was tired all the time.

Calicofish

This ex-acquaintance of mine would frequently put up unflattering pictures of me on her FB page. It was interesting to note that when I tried to take a picture of her, she would always hide her face (for anyone trying to take a picture). NOTE - I was not trying to take an bad picture. I noticed that all the pictures on her FB page of herself were very flattering and realized that she vetted every picture. We were once at a place (in a competition) where a wandering photographer would take pictures of the competitors and then put them on her webpage (for sale). Well, most of the pictures of this ex-acquaintance were NOT flattering (these were in the thumbnails) and she got them removed. However, the thumbnails were "empty" but if you clicked on them it would take you to a big picture. I guess she didn't realize that these unflattering pics were still there. I was always tempted to post a link to those things (but I didn't). I sure don't miss that B! She is a horrible person.