Why are these boards so anonymous? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Solace · 08-19-2004, 02:26 PM

Hi All,

Just wondering, why does it appear that no one wants to put their face to their names, I have made a realisation of the mess I made, I am not ashamed to admit it, I may want to disguise it! but take a look it is me! The Foolish Man.

Solace.

2dayzmuse · 08-19-2004, 02:39 PM

Welcome Solace,

Here I am, as close as I can get. I'm not ashamed to show my face. My past is my past. Today I'm working towards my future.

Talia

Imagine · 08-19-2004, 02:45 PM

Welcome Solace, people say I look a lot like Mel Gebson. I don't know, what do you think. Glad you're here and keep posting......Peace

shyQcodep · 08-19-2004, 02:48 PM

Hey Solace, way to go on the 17 days of sobriety!

One of the things that I've learned in my time in the rooms of AA is that while we need to speak ***all*** of our truth to God and another human being (or beings), there are different times and places to bear witness to different parts of our truth. Sometimes it helps to have a totally anonymous forum - while these are real relationships which we form here, this space can be safer for some of us (or for some of our issues) than face-to-face meetings or sponsors.

For example, I've run into real trouble with my ex-sponsor. This is the only place where I've been able to tell the story coherently, because my f2f meetings bring me into contact with people who may know my ex-sponsor. Telling that story in f2f meetings could put both of our recoveries at risk; not telling it at all will put my recovery at risk.

That's my reason for hiding behind a pair of affectionate penguins.
James

Chy · 08-19-2004, 03:07 PM

I was a closet drinker and now I'm a closet AAer. My past is nobody's business, and this is a medium for many to feel safe discussing their various situations without really facing anyone.

Some are okay with it, some are not. For those that are not, we to the best of ability help them maintain their anonymity, it's a matter of choice.

You said in an earlier post you had a child, would you want him to read what you've already shared, seeing your picture attached? Sorta, like that.

**51anna** · 08-19-2004, 03:24 PM

I'm with Chy on that one. This is something I do not want people to know about me, unless I choose to tell them (and that is almost never). I've heard comments that people make about alcoholics, especially female alcoholics, and we're only slightly above child-predators in the eyes of many 'normal' folks.

I hope that one day, people will be educated, and become understanding of addiction, but until then I'll remain anonymous.

Love, Anna

MootPoint · 08-19-2004, 03:31 PM

Hey. I look like my avatar. Really.

Actually, the only reason I don't put my face up there is because I don't have any good pics.

Solace · 08-19-2004, 03:54 PM

To be fair I am a million miles (in a sense, distance anyway from you all) away from the homes of most of you, if I walked past you in the street you would not put 2+2 together! would You?

A disguise can be simple yet effective, but it would be nice to know people are real, my problem is real! it may be my past but then again it may STILL be my future!

Most people don't live in the real world, is anonimity still part of denial?

When on cocaine I was not in the real world, yet the real world was all around me! I am at the moment clean and I intend to stay that way, I am alone on this planet as of now anyway, tomorrow is another day, yet it may be just like today!

2dayzmuse · 08-19-2004, 05:37 PM

Quote:

To be fair I am a million miles (in a sense, distance anyway from you all) away from the homes of most of you, if I walked past you in the street you would not put 2+2 together! would You?

No, because I don't now what you look like. You haven't shown your face. Anonimity is a choice offered to all. You choose what you choose.

Quote:

is anonimity still part of denial?

Not denial, but of prejudices and judgements from others.

Chy · 08-19-2004, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solace

Most people don't live in the real world, is anonimity still part of denial?

I live in the real world sober today. For me my anonymity is no way connected to denial!

splendra · 08-19-2004, 05:55 PM

So solace where is your picture? I made one of myself as close as I could get and many others have too....

Solace · 08-19-2004, 06:20 PM

My picture is in my profile, just blanked out my eyes, because to be honest at the moment I am lost and I cannot see!

**best** · 08-19-2004, 06:58 PM

anonymous is so people don't feel threatened.
One wall we don't need to deal with when we first start to seek answers.
As to putting up the real me... you see the back of my real bike in my picture.
If you ever are in Boston area and see that bike, you will see me or someone who took the bike without asking *LOL*

2dayzmuse · 08-19-2004, 07:05 PM

Solace, your posts are filled with alot of pain. We are no strangers to pain. We've all been where you're at, hurting and confused. How can we help?

Talia

Kit · 08-19-2004, 07:19 PM

Solace, I don't think anonimity is denial. I do know that I hate the part of my life that is alcohol (not for the past 11 days however) and when I'm on this site, I work through it. When I'm done and I'm at the grocery store or at the beach - I DON'T talk about it. I go on living and trying not to make my alcoholism the thing that defines me. That is why I so like being anonymous. I understand your questioning it, however, and am glad you brought it up because I never looked at it that way before. Your opinion is certainly valid. Love, Kit

Solace · 08-19-2004, 07:58 PM

I am not here to upset anyone I am only looking for answers to my situation. Drugs confuse people!

I am confused behond belief.

My pain is only 17 days old.

My apologies if I offend!

2dayzmuse · 08-19-2004, 08:45 PM

I'm glad you found this site, it's good to share with others. We all have a history and most of it isn't very pretty. We recogonize your pain and want to offer support and compassion. No offense taken. I hope things smooth out for you, keep coming back. It is very confusing when one first gets off their drug of choice. Add a broken heart to the mix...well no need to say more. I will keep you in my thoughts. It's strange...we're worlds apart, yet share a common bond. The bond of feeling another addicts pain. It's an undertanding normies don't have. By the way I'm Talia, an alcoholic. I hope we can help answer some of your questions. Peace be with you...

Talia

kckman · 08-19-2004, 08:46 PM

Solace, The world I live in is a real illusion. What does it matter? Any way it is all just a mirage. Just sub-atomic particles and electrical energy ect.... Real is just ones perception of that information. Real is mostly empty space.

bliss · 08-19-2004, 09:18 PM

Hi Solace,

Thanks for sharing. I noticed with my own recovery that the more I focus on myself and my choices the more I learn about myself. The more I learn about myself the more I grow and have oppprtunity to love myself. I am less interested in what others do now since I can only control myself. Why not capitalize on your sobriety and accept people for what they can give. When I questions others for their choices and behaviours I am putting the same expectation on myself. Almost as though I am not letting myself be me and letting others be who they are. I have been so much happier since I have let go of trying to figure out everyone else. I love the feeling of freedom I feel. You are as free as a bird if you want to be. You just need to decide to fly.

usatoday · 08-19-2004, 11:53 PM

{{LOL}}}} Hi there, Solace...I wish I could come up with a complicated answer for you to contemplate on. But the truth of it is...which it sounds like you're looking for some truth here...is that

#1 I became bored with creating an avatar that doesn't look like me
#2 I'm too lazy to create an avatar that looks like me
#3 I don't care if anyone knows what I look like

HOWEVER...any chance we can see you in the real?

***indigo*** · 08-20-2004, 07:32 AM

Hi Solace and welcome I hope you can clear that fog soon and see yourself for who you are....someone who is trying.....way to go. Happy to meet you.
Indigo

Solace · 08-20-2004, 07:46 AM

Nice to see no one is taking offence!

So many people in this world are to easily offended!

Although bizarre, the world would be a better place if it was full of people who have been to the depths of dispare and have risen again, Our outlook on life is one of harmony and correcting our own wrong doings! and helping others do the same!

What a place the world would be?

Solace.

ChrisMan · 08-20-2004, 08:06 AM

Hi, Solace, great to have you here. I am also fairly new here and have a grand total of 17 days of sobriety. Just living one day at a time.

Anonymity sometimes helps people to share more honestly. I find it to be the case for myself.

Welcome!

Cangel · 08-20-2004, 12:27 PM

I definitely don't want my picture let alone my real name here because as my AH said that is his anonymity, he doesn't need to let everyone know that he is in recovery.

I have to also say that, I wish I would've found this place years ago because I probably would not have had to wait until my AH was in recovery to feel sane and feel happy. I would have known a while ago (what I have learned here) that I could not change my AH, so I still had to go on with my life. I appreciate this place a lot.

Chy · 08-20-2004, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solace

Nice to see no one is taking offence!

So many people in this world are to easily offended!

Although bizarre, the world would be a better place if it was full of people who have been to the depths of dispare and have risen again, Our outlook on life is one of harmony and correcting our own wrong doings! and helping others do the same!

What a place the world would be?

Solace.

Indeeed!!

08-19-2004, 02:26 PM	#1 (permalink)
Solace FOOLISH MAN Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: NW England/Lanzarote Posts: 22	Why are these boards so anonymous? Hi All, Just wondering, why does it appear that no one wants to put their face to their names, I have made a realisation of the mess I made, I am not ashamed to admit it, I may want to disguise it! but take a look it is me! The Foolish Man. Solace. __________________ SOLACE = Relief - Support - Comfort - Consolation "I have found Relief to my guilt, Support from a woman who truly Loves me, Comfort with my Life and Consolation in the fact that I have but one True Friend in this world And whatever happens I will be ALIVE!"

08-19-2004, 02:45 PM	#3 (permalink)
Imagine An Addict name Jerome....... Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Whitesburg, Georgia Posts: 186	Welcome Solace, people say I look a lot like Mel Gebson. I don't know, what do you think. Glad you're here and keep posting......Peace __________________ Imagine "All The People Sharing All The World"......john lennon "There's a whole lot more of us freaks then they are those beautiful people"......frank zappa

08-19-2004, 02:48 PM	#4 (permalink)
shyQcodep Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Syracuse, NY Posts: 113	Hey Solace, way to go on the 17 days of sobriety! One of the things that I've learned in my time in the rooms of AA is that while we need to speak *all* of our truth to God and another human being (or beings), there are different times and places to bear witness to different parts of our truth. Sometimes it helps to have a totally anonymous forum - while these are real relationships which we form here, this space can be safer for some of us (or for some of our issues) than face-to-face meetings or sponsors. For example, I've run into real trouble with my ex-sponsor. This is the only place where I've been able to tell the story coherently, because my f2f meetings bring me into contact with people who may know my ex-sponsor. Telling that story in f2f meetings could put both of our recoveries at risk; not telling it at all will put my recovery at risk. That's my reason for hiding behind a pair of affectionate penguins. James Last edited by shyQcodep; 08-19-2004 at 02:53 PM. Reason: exercising that perfectionism character defect

08-19-2004, 03:24 PM	#6 (permalink)
51anna Forum Leader Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 11,165	I'm with Chy on that one. This is something I do not want people to know about me, unless I choose to tell them (and that is almost never). I've heard comments that people make about alcoholics, especially female alcoholics, and we're only slightly above child-predators in the eyes of many 'normal' folks. I hope that one day, people will be educated, and become understanding of addiction, but until then I'll remain anonymous. Love, Anna __________________ Anna "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou

08-19-2004, 03:31 PM	#7 (permalink)
MootPoint we're all mad here! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: a padded room with bars Posts: 1,687	Hey. I look like my avatar. Really. Actually, the only reason I don't put my face up there is because I don't have any good pics. __________________ The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo. ---------Terry Pratchett

08-19-2004, 02:39 PM	#2 (permalink)
2dayzmuse Paused Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Washington Posts: 5,083	Welcome Solace, Here I am, as close as I can get. I'm not ashamed to show my face. My past is my past. Today I'm working towards my future. Talia

08-19-2004, 03:07 PM	#5 (permalink)
Chy Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: El Paso, Tx Posts: 5,886	I was a closet drinker and now I'm a closet AAer. My past is nobody's business, and this is a medium for many to feel safe discussing their various situations without really facing anyone. Some are okay with it, some are not. For those that are not, we to the best of ability help them maintain their anonymity, it's a matter of choice. You said in an earlier post you had a child, would you want him to read what you've already shared, seeing your picture attached? Sorta, like that.

08-19-2004, 03:54 PM	#8 (permalink)
Solace FOOLISH MAN Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: NW England/Lanzarote Posts: 22	To be fair I am a million miles (in a sense, distance anyway from you all) away from the homes of most of you, if I walked past you in the street you would not put 2+2 together! would You? A disguise can be simple yet effective, but it would be nice to know people are real, my problem is real! it may be my past but then again it may STILL be my future! Most people don't live in the real world, is anonimity still part of denial? When on cocaine I was not in the real world, yet the real world was all around me! I am at the moment clean and I intend to stay that way, I am alone on this planet as of now anyway, tomorrow is another day, yet it may be just like today! __________________ SOLACE = Relief - Support - Comfort - Consolation "I have found Relief to my guilt, Support from a woman who truly Loves me, Comfort with my Life and Consolation in the fact that I have but one True Friend in this world And whatever happens I will be ALIVE!"

08-19-2004, 05:55 PM	#11 (permalink)
splendra the girl can't help it Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: splendraville Posts: 4,817 Blog Entries: 3	So solace where is your picture? I made one of myself as close as I could get and many others have too.... __________________ nice has a hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

08-19-2004, 06:20 PM	#12 (permalink)
Solace FOOLISH MAN Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: NW England/Lanzarote Posts: 22	My picture is in my profile, just blanked out my eyes, because to be honest at the moment I am lost and I cannot see! __________________ SOLACE = Relief - Support - Comfort - Consolation "I have found Relief to my guilt, Support from a woman who truly Loves me, Comfort with my Life and Consolation in the fact that I have but one True Friend in this world And whatever happens I will be ALIVE!"

08-19-2004, 06:58 PM	#13 (permalink)
best Don't get undies in a bunch Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: South Shore MA Posts: 7,190	anonymous is so people don't feel threatened. One wall we don't need to deal with when we first start to seek answers. As to putting up the real me... you see the back of my real bike in my picture. If you ever are in Boston area and see that bike, you will see me or someone who took the bike without asking LOL __________________ * I asked God to spare me pain. God said "No", Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me. Recovery Related Acronym B. E. S. T. = Been Enjoying Sobriety Today?

08-19-2004, 07:05 PM	#14 (permalink)
2dayzmuse Paused Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Washington Posts: 5,083	Solace, your posts are filled with alot of pain. We are no strangers to pain. We've all been where you're at, hurting and confused. How can we help? Talia

08-19-2004, 07:19 PM	#15 (permalink)
Kit Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: north of Boston Posts: 128	Solace, I don't think anonimity is denial. I do know that I hate the part of my life that is alcohol (not for the past 11 days however) and when I'm on this site, I work through it. When I'm done and I'm at the grocery store or at the beach - I DON'T talk about it. I go on living and trying not to make my alcoholism the thing that defines me. That is why I so like being anonymous. I understand your questioning it, however, and am glad you brought it up because I never looked at it that way before. Your opinion is certainly valid. Love, Kit

08-19-2004, 07:58 PM	#16 (permalink)
Solace FOOLISH MAN Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: NW England/Lanzarote Posts: 22	I am not here to upset anyone I am only looking for answers to my situation. Drugs confuse people! I am confused behond belief. My pain is only 17 days old. My apologies if I offend! __________________ SOLACE = Relief - Support - Comfort - Consolation "I have found Relief to my guilt, Support from a woman who truly Loves me, Comfort with my Life and Consolation in the fact that I have but one True Friend in this world And whatever happens I will be ALIVE!"

08-19-2004, 08:45 PM	#17 (permalink)
2dayzmuse Paused Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Washington Posts: 5,083	I'm glad you found this site, it's good to share with others. We all have a history and most of it isn't very pretty. We recogonize your pain and want to offer support and compassion. No offense taken. I hope things smooth out for you, keep coming back. It is very confusing when one first gets off their drug of choice. Add a broken heart to the mix...well no need to say more. I will keep you in my thoughts. It's strange...we're worlds apart, yet share a common bond. The bond of feeling another addicts pain. It's an undertanding normies don't have. By the way I'm Talia, an alcoholic. I hope we can help answer some of your questions. Peace be with you... Talia

08-19-2004, 08:46 PM	#18 (permalink)
kckman knucklehead Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: earth Posts: 694	Solace, The world I live in is a real illusion. What does it matter? Any way it is all just a mirage. Just sub-atomic particles and electrical energy ect.... Real is just ones perception of that information. Real is mostly empty space. Last edited by kckman; 08-19-2004 at 08:47 PM. Reason: mispell

08-19-2004, 09:18 PM	#19 (permalink)
bliss Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Toronto, Ontario Posts: 46	Hi Solace, Thanks for sharing. I noticed with my own recovery that the more I focus on myself and my choices the more I learn about myself. The more I learn about myself the more I grow and have oppprtunity to love myself. I am less interested in what others do now since I can only control myself. Why not capitalize on your sobriety and accept people for what they can give. When I questions others for their choices and behaviours I am putting the same expectation on myself. Almost as though I am not letting myself be me and letting others be who they are. I have been so much happier since I have let go of trying to figure out everyone else. I love the feeling of freedom I feel. You are as free as a bird if you want to be. You just need to decide to fly.

08-19-2004, 11:53 PM	#20 (permalink)
usatoday Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: texas Posts: 118	{{LOL}}}} Hi there, Solace...I wish I could come up with a complicated answer for you to contemplate on. But the truth of it is...which it sounds like you're looking for some truth here...is that #1 I became bored with creating an avatar that doesn't look like me #2 I'm too lazy to create an avatar that looks like me #3 I don't care if anyone knows what I look like HOWEVER...any chance we can see you in the real?

08-20-2004, 07:32 AM	#21 (permalink)
*indigo* Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,146	Hi Solace and welcome I hope you can clear that fog soon and see yourself for who you are....someone who is trying.....way to go. Happy to meet you. Indigo __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

08-20-2004, 07:46 AM	#22 (permalink)
Solace FOOLISH MAN Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: NW England/Lanzarote Posts: 22	Nice to see no one is taking offence! So many people in this world are to easily offended! Although bizarre, the world would be a better place if it was full of people who have been to the depths of dispare and have risen again, Our outlook on life is one of harmony and correcting our own wrong doings! and helping others do the same! What a place the world would be? Solace. __________________ SOLACE = Relief - Support - Comfort - Consolation "I have found Relief to my guilt, Support from a woman who truly Loves me, Comfort with my Life and Consolation in the fact that I have but one True Friend in this world And whatever happens I will be ALIVE!"

08-20-2004, 08:06 AM	#23 (permalink)
ChrisMan Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 398	Hi, Solace, great to have you here. I am also fairly new here and have a grand total of 17 days of sobriety. Just living one day at a time. Anonymity sometimes helps people to share more honestly. I find it to be the case for myself. Welcome!

08-20-2004, 12:27 PM	#24 (permalink)
Cangel Charlie's Angel Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 39	I definitely don't want my picture let alone my real name here because as my AH said that is his anonymity, he doesn't need to let everyone know that he is in recovery. I have to also say that, I wish I would've found this place years ago because I probably would not have had to wait until my AH was in recovery to feel sane and feel happy. I would have known a while ago (what I have learned here) that I could not change my AH, so I still had to go on with my life. I appreciate this place a lot.