needtostopthis

Not sure if I am supposed to post here...? But here it goes. I have well over 100 posts here as you can see. The problem is I never really quit all those times I said was trying to in those posts. Well wait, I did try but I did not succeed. So I have been MIA for almost a year. During that year I have had the worst year of my life. Mainly my own doing I guess. I have GAD and the docs are trying to figure out what else my problem is. Some of the docs I have seen have leaned towards bipolar while others (yes I have seem too many) seem to think that there is no way I am bipolar. Anyhow the one thing I do know is I am an alcoholic and on the last year I have used booze to cope with everything. Someone pissed me off, I must drink, anxious, must drink, sad, must drink, no energy, must drink. I have have been in a cycle of binging (going 2-3 days and then drinking ALOT IN ONE NIGHT!) for too long. Now my therapist and Myself have came to the conclusion this has to stop. It is ruining my life, my health, my relationships, everything. I am here this time feeling very optimistic. I have so many issues, obessions, etc and I worry I will turn to the bottle at some point, just to cope. Oh and I am 34, married, and have one son. My son was just diagnosed as having PDD. If you interested in knowing what that is just google it. I am still figuring it out myself. Stressed about it as well. Anyway thanks for letting me ramble on here.

Dee74

There's no rules here needtostopthis - post where you feel comfortable.

Good to have you back

Do you and your therapist have a plan?

D

MelindaFlowers

I joined in 2010 and posted around 300 times between June 2010 and June 2014. Probably 280 of those were in the summer of 2010.

I reached my breaking point in June of 2014 and have not had a drink since. I don't recommend my "four year plan." My health declined significantly in those four years. My intake also increased.

There is no better time to stop than NOW. It is worth stopping. Trust me.

You mentioned the bi-polar thing. I was convinced I was bi-polar by the end of my drinking. My behavior and moods were erratic and unpredictable. Since stopping I have normalized my moods back to a completely normal range and I no longer think I am bipolar.

When you are alcohol dependent, your moods/thoughts/feelings are so skewed it would be impossible to get an accurate diagnosis.

holburn

I'm back again. My taper starts tonight. I did it once before, safely. Then started drinking wine at night again. It was a bottle, now can be a bottle and a half of sauvignon. I broke down with my partner at the weekend and told him I can't go on like this. We don't live together so he didn't know I was back to drinking every night. He's very supportive. Its spoiling my life and I feel ashamed. I go to work faithfully each day, but feel I have this awful weight on my shoulder. I just want an alcohol free life back.

bblackbirdflyy

I have quite a lot of posts and have not quit successfully.... But I will. I drank last night and the night before that. I'm very tired right now. Halfway through the overnight shift. I need to stop too.

needtostopthis

Melindaflowers- I relate very much with your post. I have been up and down on my consumption so many times. This past year has been the worst though, Doing every other day some days and that is CRAZY for me. Lying to my mother about when I drank, etc. That is odd behavior for me. I was becoming very ashamed, which I didn't feel much of before when I drank. I know if I don't stop I may send myself to an early grave.

Dee74- The plan for now is to go to an AA meeting. I have been avoiding them for years now, so that is number 1 and just go and see how it goes. Then we will go from there.

Holburn- Good luck! We can do this. I have been there. Told myself I could just drink a little, maybe just weekends, maybe just mixed drinks etc. It Works for like 4 days and then it goes to having a little more the next week, then the next, until I am back at wanting to drink every other day.

mns1

Hey needtostopthis glad you are back!

I tried countless times over the course of a couple years and continuously came up short before finally getting somewhere. But the key is that I never stopped trying!

needtostopthis

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome.

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome back to the sober side of life! I've been sober for over two years but I still mostly post in the newcomer's forum so I think you're okay here!

matilda123

Popping In late here, but wanted to say good for you for telling your partner. That isn't easy, but in my own path (which hasn't been a smooth one either) that step was essential and takes courage. Wishing you a day of peace and joy

thomas11

Hi needtopostthis, I have found that alcohol is a band aid for dealing with stress, anxiety etc...but also makes it worse once you sober up. I went on a bender last year and I had panic attacks and fear of impending doom over the slightest problems. When I'm sober, clearheaded and not dealing with hangover/withdrawal, these very same problems seem minor. Welcome, and I wish you the very best.

Jupiters

this is so important.

LBrain

As Dee says, it doesn't really matter where you post.
The newcomers section gets the most traffic. And you will find many in a similar situation.
I suppose newcomers could mean a few things.

Before you get you your drivers license in my state you are required to get a "learners permit" then study and practice until you are ready to take and pass you drivers exam. Then you are granted a license.
My guess is that you are still on your sobriety learners permit. Keep studying and practicing and soon you will be granted sobriety.
BUT, it is earned and no-one can grant it to you except yourself.

ArcticSA

I have been on here since Nov 2012 and have quit a few times for weeks, months. Back to drinking again and it's not good.
I too have suspected Im bipolar. I drink for the same reasons as you. There is ALWAYS a reason to drink if you look. My favorite is work schedule. Oh, I have off 2 days so it's like the weekend, drink! Oldest is at a sleepover, drink! My Friday tv show is on, must drink! Rented a movie? Drink! Got a great tax return? Drink the good stuff!
SO SICK OF IT. Until the hangover wears off and it's been 2-3 days then I forget all the bad and it sounds like a hell of a great idea again. Repeat.

alphaomega

It was brought to my attention, by a poster on another thread of mine, that I have been posting in newcomers for 4 years. That gave me pause.

But just in the same way I still feel like 25 year old mentally, I am still learning about this insidious disease I have. So I still feel like a fledgling although, by calender standards, I'm officially an old timer.

Go where your heart feels best.

Blessings.

holburn

I've failed miserably. Still drinking every evening after work then crashing out in bed early. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself.

Soberwolf

Welcome back Ntst its nice to meet you