trident

... a sparkling water with lime. Hahaha. It's pretty refreshing, too.

This is my 4th sober day and a lot of emotions are coming out of hiding. Without going into detail, it's painful for me to look back on some of the big mistakes I've made while drinking and how my actions/words have really hurt others. Those closest to me have amazingly told me that they can forgive me - thus, I can now learn how to forgive myself, and learn to forgive them for their mistakes.

It is hard to face everything - in the past I would just avoid things by turning to booze, pretending everything is fine and I'm in the right and everyone else is at fault... and now I don't have that.

In the past, every time I quit drinking for a few days this would happen and the drama and emotional turmoil of it all would send me back to drinking because I would somehow convince myself that it was better that way. But it's not. I haven't posted in a long while so I thought I would just post this because this time I'm aware of this pattern, and thus being aware, maybe this time I can change it.

Dee74

I'm glad you're working through it trident

D

hayley86

Congrats on day four! Good for you for getting through that. I have found that facing emotions and past turmoil is something that has gotten easier as i have moved along in my recovery. I think it's improtant to try and make peace with the past and forgive ourselves in order to move forward. Avoiding these emotions by drinking just keeps us stuck. Keep up the great work!

Esspee

Well done x

OnMyWay7

Oh yeah - right there with you on this one. My reality kind of sucks and it got out a hand from drinking and not dealing with everything as my life got out of hand. Now sober and trying to fix my life and it does stink on some level - having to deal with all the emotions and thoughts I used to drown.

PurpleKnight

Day 4 is fantastic Trident!! Keep pushing through!!

trident

Thanks guys for your replies!
Tonight is day 5 and I'm slowly sipping a diet coke (never really been much into sodas but I felt like I needed something by my side to sip on this evening).

Today wasn't great emotionally, just okay, but I found I was able to better handle things and I didn't get as angry as I have in the past, and I was able to take a deep breath and step back from the situation a little bit.

I used to think that if I could only quit drinking then my crazy moods (I've been diagnosed as bipolar before, some anxiety, etc.) would go away. I'm realizing, and I've been told, that it won't necessarily make it go away, but it sure will make it easier to deal with. And that drinking certainly will make any mental illness worse.
Anyway, thanks for listening, it helps to have a place to check in.

brynn

Well done trident! Diet coke became my best friend when I first quit drinking!
And you nailed it....drinking can make ANYTHING worse! Keep going...you got this!

Kaneda8888

Good for you ! Be patient with yourself. As you've mentioned, those closest to you can forgive so maybe you can do the same for yourself But do give it time...

Ruby2

Great post and I'm glad you stuck with diet Coke! My emotions veered off into sheer anger when I first quit drinking and it was hard dealing with it without drinking but I wanted things to change so I dealt with it.

Good insights. Keep going!