Thatdeliveryguy

Will this kill me I suppose so. I am thoroughly anesthetized right now. Its pathetic, I've set another set of days on fire. I am low and don't know what to say.

I talk inpatient, doesn't it sound good, but you know with all the opportunity its true, I don't do it because I am afraid, I prefer to live in a world of fantasy and fanaticism.

I am unlike many on SR, we all know I've played this game for months. I liked inpatient at the mental hospital, but refuse to take advice. I think I have all the answers, I've learned I don't know anything.

Reset the clock, this is going to kill TDG, prepare your eulogies.... I am losing, I have NO ANSWERS, the time for BS has ended. I know what i need to do, but do nothing.

A pathetic drunken soul of what reality should be, I am silently slipping into the abyss of alcoholism, its consumed and devoured me, its ate everything that means anything to me. However, I persist living, I made a good run at it...

Jeremy no longer exist, he is a dream, he is shell of him forum self, he is slowly slipping. Now that I've relapsed, I would be lying this feels so damn good. Its so fake, its such a mirage, and such facade, but I can't quit.

How dare you, how dare you take away my blanket ( cries openly) , you all preach inpatient, its just a dream. I am going to excuse myself into a slow horrible grave.

I don't know how to stop this, I can't do this, I've failed, all I can do is keep writing about mental illness and alcoholism. I hope someone gleans something from where I failed.

Whatever, TDG is out, I don't know what the value is posting anymore, I think its high time I cut out, I hope someone somewhere, gains something from my experience and my post.

However, its time to realize, haven't made an impact, I have no validity, I am a crazy relapse loser, I am going to be ok, some how I will find away, but I won't waste anyone's time on this site anymore.

Good night and good by 24 up 24 down, its over, some people can't be saved or helped they don't listen.... 24 up 24 down its over, goodbye I am done... Time to drink and drink and self medicate till the end....

petals

Jeremy you do count. We do care about you. Please have some water, get some sleep and get up to face another day.xxx

BirdsAteMyFace

One bad night doesn't have to ruin everything.

ubntubnt

Jeremy, the darkest hour is before the dawn and only you can make this a true reality. You have arrived at that darkest hour. Pick up the phone and call an ambulance immediately. Don't dwell on it or feel sorry for yourself. Just do it. You can rationalise and hypothesise all you want later. No more drinking, no more waffling, no more BS. Make the call please while you still can.

Soberwolf

Jeremy seek help now start phoning inpatient now forget the rest this cant continue you need help badly but keep refusing it

if your really serious then make the call

Dee74

You're not, you know Jeremy

But I think you thinking that you are is part of your problem.

Sure you have schizophrenia - thats an added obstacle, but it's not insurmountable, especially if you stay on your meds.

I used my cerebral palsy as an excuse for years - noone knows my life, no one knows what I deal with, no one knows what I drink to manage...

The fact was we all have our reasons to drink. A lot of us self medicate, a lot of us try to deal with our lives through drinking.

The bottom line is tho - we all have the same addiction problem, and the same solutions that have worked for us will totally work for you too - if you give them a shot.

There *are* many reasons why you're special Jeremy - but your alcoholism is not one of them.

I realise I'm opening myself up for some flak here - and fire at will....

but I really see you doing the same thing I used to do. Having an excuse that people were afraid to talk about with me was the best gift an active alcoholic could have,

It's time to lay down your weapons J.

Accept that you're just like us and consider doing the things we all had to do.
Don't let your AV twist this any more.

D

Zee

.

Magellan

Jeremy I can't add much more then what everyone else has said, except that your daughter will be heartbroken if you don't keep trying, she needs you and when you get through this and are sober she will be so proud of your strength and perseverance. So please get back up and continue...your record will be 24-1 which is still excellent.

SuePee

Jeremy, I don't think we've ever 'met' on here as I am new but I am sitting in a coffee shop crying having read your post (it's 9:30 here in the UK and these nobody else here!!)

Please don't write yourself off. Nobody else is. It doesn't matter what ups and downs you have - people care. Don't beat yourself up, hang on in there and celebrate every minute you don't drink. If you do, try to draw the line and start again x

gracetuesday

Jeremy, I've followed your posts for awhile. ... Here's what I know: we all have reasons to drink. ...... life is hard for most people..... I suffered a huge trauma in a foreign country and could barely walk, eat, function for months. I finally got home, but used booze to sleep and make myself numb for the next several years. Until I finally got, accepted and continued treatment for the PTSD I suffered from, I couldn't dream of staying sober. For me, sobriety has been a process. It didn't happen overnight.

As long as you're alive, there's hope.

Praying for you.

Foolsgold186

Jeremy,

I have always read your posts but never actually responded, due to my inexperience and not knowing really what to say. Today I read your post and it really upset me.

You're worth this fight, please dont give up. There are people who struggle and feel they will never get sober, that there is just too much to deal with in life but I believe everyone can do it if you truly want it. Think of your family but most importantly think of yourself.

I really wish you well and hope you find peace within yourself.

L x

Thepatman

Dude, don't drop the gloves.

I remember when you did the weight lifting machines moving job.
All the younger guys were falling like flies, yet YOU kept going. Do you remember? What kept you going on that day? Your body and your mind.
You are stronger then you think...

You take inpatient in the same fashion and call for help.

Jeremy, it's time to kick ass a chew bubble gum, and I hope your out of gum.

Take minute and watch this. At the end, you can be at the top o the mountain.
You know what you have to do, do it now, do it Jeremy.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CLI_rnUxL7I

This should pump you up
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1SUzcDUERLo

Marcher13

Jeremy the one thing you need to do is take off the blinkers. We are all the same, we are all addicts, you are no different from the rest of us.

If you take your medication you feel a lot better, if you don't take your medication you go off the rails. Many of us are the same whatever our medication is for.

You have an opportunity for inpatient which you choose to juggle with, I know a lot of people would give anything for that opportunity.

What you don't do is take the medication, go to inpatient, join a class here and let yourself have every possible chance of recovery.

You are a smart guy Jeremy. You're what 34 or so? In another few months you could be well down the road to recovery if you are prepared to wear a few hard weeks.

Many of us have defeated our own demons and you can too, but first you have to front up and be willing to give this your very best shot.

JanieJ

Dee is right - you are no different to the rest of us. We are all addicts. We all have pain to deal with. The solutions work for all of us.

It would really help you to accept that.

I don't know what else to say to you, Jeremy. Except that none of us have given up on you.

Thepatman

Since I'll have to be concerned for you all day, might as well do another kick at the can.

Jeremy, what would you do if someone put your daughter in arms way?
The way I know you, the other guy would be left eating steak trough a straw.

Well this is exactly the same. Your daughter is in danger. Of what you say?
Of having to spend her life without a father that loves her, left to herself without your love, protection, guidance, support. No father at her graduation, no father to bless her wedding. A lifetime of pain and wondering why.

Now, think this trough, 30 days inpatient, is NOTHING compared to a bright future with your daughter.

Running late for work, but I will check on your response. And since I took the time, please take the time to be kind to yourself, drop the booze man, make the call

ishallnotwant

TDG, it breaks my heart to read your post. I am praying for you that you will realize that you are so valuable to so many. You are alive for a reason and the fact that you have suffered so much and yet continue to find a way tells me that you have a very special gift for the rest of us. Please stay strong and fight against your demons who are so afraid of your sobriety. Your demons are liars and illusionists. You may feel that your issues have you down with a gun to your head, but the gun is no bullets. Your AV is powerless against you and can only win if you believe the lies. Fight back knowing that you have an army of support behind you.

apophylite

Make the call to inpatient today! As long you allow yourself to believe your own hype you can't move forward. As others have said, your not different, your an addict. The only thing standing in the way of your sobriety is you. My heart goes out to you, but doesn't your daughter deserve better than this?

ScottFromWI

Call the hosptal TDG. They will know what to do. This is not something you can do yourself.

Anna

As always, prayers for you Jeremy.

SoberLeigh

All the addicts in the house, please raise your hands. . . . . .

Jeremy, this is a House of Addicts. We get it - and understand all the shame, hopelessness, fear, desolation and self-loathing that goes with it.

And, as experienced addicts, we recognize when someone is in over their heads - when they have to let go and let someone else.

Go to the ER, Jeremey. Make that your first step. Then go to rehab. Some time ago, Anna suggested Salvation Army; you felt the commitment was too long. I believe it is what you need. In my heart, I believe it could be not only life-saving but life-changing for you.

Come on, Jeremy; take the steps that will save you.