DuhDave

Hiya gang
Those who follow my "Adventures" know I have relapsed a few weeks ago.

I'am talking to some fine psychologists and therapists as of late that are helping me to come to terms with some "issues". My wife however refuses to participate.

I'am "Re-Establishing" myself in several AA rooms and see my next "Day 1" on the horizon.

But...yes, I'am still drinking at the moment. In just a short few weeks I'am back to "Full bore" and everyday.

However I have known for a time that I need to lose weight...so I decided to switch "Diet" Ginger Ale as my mixer. My mind is just not what it used to be and has gotten a lot worse since my relapse...just that quick.

I realize "something's not right". I dont feel very good and have no energy at all ! When I read a book (or anything for that matter) I cant even remember what the previous paragraph said! I absorb and remember NOTHING !

I suspect the Aspartame in the Diet Ginger Ale! Yeah...that stuff is not good for you! I look it up on google and it confirms my suspicion's ! Yep...that stuff is really bad for you !

I never even consider the double shots of alcohol I add to it X 4-6 plus a 4 pak of "Tall Boy" beers !...a day...everyday !

HOW SICK IS THAT !!! ???

That is the Sickness of the alcoholic mind ! I'am am a lot sicker than I thought I was and my therapy sessions are starting to reveal a "me" that I dont like ! I'am confronting myself as I am today and it's a little bit frightning.

I'am just wondering...(if you care to share) just how sick YOU were before your "awakening" ?

How did YOU percieve yourself to be "Ok" when you really were not ?

Dave

OklaBH

Car wreck /2 surgeries to fix my ankle , DUI, hospitalizations , job problems, lost friends, health issues .... It dawned on me one day " yo! You can't control this"

You've been through a lot lately. Rather than looking for low caloric mixers, why not totally stop? Your body and mind deserve the break. Hugs!

Wastinglife

I lost all self-awareness as I became a heavy daily drinker. I gained 40-50 lbs gradually over 2 or 3 years yet I didn't really see it when I looked in the mirror. I didn't really notice how people started avoiding me or how at social functions no one looked me in the eye for very long. I was a drunk, bloated mess. Everyone seemed to know it but me. Alcohol poisoned my mind and perception. I felt like sh*t each day but after a few drinks I was back to being the 'handsome' and 'charming' man I always am.....

It wasn't until I had completely sobered up that I realized how sick I was. Not just physically, but mentally as well. I look back at pictures and I am shocked how I let myself go like that without really noticing. I don't want to be that guy ever again.

RDBplus3

I struggled for a long time trying to keep from drinking, and I just could not do it. I was absolutely opposed to going on Antabuse, but after continued failures, I hit the worst state of mind I ever had in my 40 years of drinking. I completely surrendered, went on Antabuse, got a Sponsor, and really worked the AA Steps. (Actually they worked me, because I found out part of my problem was that I could not Fix Myself). I will have 1 Year Sober & FREE in just a few days from now.

All I am sayin' is that it worked for me...RDBplus3...Sober & FREE

Lusher

My liver was being damaged. I, too, did not feel very good and had no energy as well. After a couple of weeks of this, I finally saw my doc. It turns out that my liver enzymes were through the roof, and I had to stop before I did permanent liver damage. This might be something to consider as a possible cause for the way that you're feeling.

I also played around with trying to make healthier cocktails as well. At the end of the day, it really is best to just stop altogether.

I, too, was in pretty deep with booze, so trust me when I say that this is doable.

I do wish you well.


Lusher

DuhDave

Thats what I hearing from my therapist's...I will never know how sick I really was until I get well !

I guess thats why they call it your..."Awakening".

Dave

matilda123

I did something similar. Worked hard to lose 30 pounds over the last year--even tracking what I ate and exercised--but kept drinking half a bottle of wine every other night. All while telling my partner that I couldn't bake the sweets we both love and that I enjoy making (I am a good baker) because there were too many calories.

The games our AVs play!

Girlie928

I'm so sick I think I am sober when I am falling down drunk.

DuhDave

I guess when I say "Sick", I'am talking about body, mind and spirit. The mental degradation is frightning enough with it's accompaning depression, paranoia and anxiety...panic attacks have not been a problem lately...but I have had them years ago. The "4am Ghosts" are back to haunt me.

It's how I perceive things as being Ok...or not Ok that has really caught my attention.

It's just frightning how far I have digressed in all areas in such a short period of time. A real opener !

Thanks for your thoughts.

Dave

DuhDave

Welcome Jackie ! Glad to receive your first post ! I'am honored!

We have a great group of folks on this forum...feel free to join in...and again...

...WELCOME !

Dave

Mac1

I was just totally lost. Problems coming at me from every angle and there was just no way I was getting out of that mess. The only thing that could possibly help was to quit drinking and that was unthinkable. Then the notion that ANYTHING would be better than this - and the seeds of recovery were planted.

DuhDave

I hear you Matilda.

Us alcoholics just cant tell ourselves NO !

Avoiding things we enjoy (for me it's Southern Bar B Q) but still pouring in the empty calories of alcohol is...sick alright !

Thanks for sharing.

Dave

afloatsober

Actually quite sick.
When my partner asked why I was drinking whiskey, I told her I'd switched because the vodka was killing me!!!!!
Still WAS doing a litre a day though....
Shortly after my switch, ambulanced to hospital and in seven days tests and scans revealed serious liver/kidney damage.
Felt as you do.
Tired, lethargic, unmotivated, no appetite etc......
Serious sickness this.
G

tomsteve

How sick is that? Welp, I couldnsitnhere with a ," tha ain't nothin I did blahblahblah and blahblahblah" while working out my ego..
Which could very well make you or others think," I'm not that bad yet so I don't have to stop" or some thought to the effect.
Which wouldn't help.

It doesn't matter what we think. It's what you think, however IMO it is rather insane.


Yu can stop being sick and insane when you decide you want to get sober and are willing to do whatever it takes.


Good yer gonna get back to meetings. Just remember going to meetings and not drinking doesn't treat alcoholism.

JanieJ

Pretty sick in several ways...

Mentally sick : I'd gained around 50lbs and blamed it on my pregnancies-even though my kids are now grown up. I am just coming to terms with the fact that I had/have a drama queen attitude. My lack of money and career I blamed on my parents and my husband. Was always whining about having no money ,when I was drinking and smoking it away. Often depressed and always self- pitying. Cynical and envious. Very self- centred. BPD, I suspect. Took from society and didn't give anything back.

Spiritually sick: totally untrusting of the way the world works. Scared of admitting that if you ask for help, it is given, you get what you need. I had no trust in that at all. I do now.

Physically sick : mainly weight gain, some stomach pains and anxiety problems -panic attacks, insomnia.

Luckily, no liver problems.

I've only been sober 44 days -there's more revelations to come yet !

JT0626

I was mainly mentally sick & physically sick from my alcohol problem...

Mentally: I was utterly depressed & felt everything was hopeless. I blamed my husband for a lot of my problems & didn't own up to my own $hit.

Physically: I gained 80lbs over the course of 6 years. I stopped going to the gym & stopped taking care of myself, I became an overweight bloated size 16 blimp (I used to be a size 7/8). I got gall stones & had to have my gall bladder removed in June of this year. I was also told I had elevated liver enzymes before my surgery.

26 days sober & I am feeling way better physically!

ubntubnt

let me give one of many ,many examples:

I live in China and once per month have a conf call with the US team. It falls in their day time which is the middle of the night China time. Last month here is what I did. Finished work at 6pm, call was at 4am. So I had 10 hours to drink before the call. Worked out that I could drink 3 bottles of wine and still remain sober enough to do the call without slurring or displaying obvious signs of being drunk. Planned to drink 2 bottles just to be safe. Bought three. Drank two. Opened the third and drank half. Did the call and successfully covered up my drunkenness. After the call finished the third bottle. Then drank 4 beers. Then slept until 10am. Got up, drank two litters of water, a couple of coffees and back into work as if nothing happened. So a midweek work night, 3 bottles of wine, four beers and 3 hours sleep. Felt great that I could do that and cover it up. Sick.

ubntubnt

About a year ago after a three day bender I was hit by a car while crossing the road. Stitches in my head, broken wrist, fractured shoulder. I was annoyed that the car didn't stop.

Dee74

Hope this doesn't sting Dave but I have to be honest - 'seeing a day 1 on the horizon' was my sickness personified.

It was always tomorrow, next week, after tonight, after the weekend...one last hurrah....

just make the break Dave - you don't need to prepare, or be ready...

you can quit and leave alcohol behind you, today.

Trust me on that

D