ru12

So I've see that phrase or some derivation of it over and over again on this forum. And I'm here to say, in my experience, no you don't. You just have to quit.

I quit for many reasons: the most powerful was I no longer was going to have a wife with a drunk for a husband. I stopped because I loved her more than I loved me and how I felt while drinking. She is a stubborn woman and would have hung around watching me kill myself for years to come. I know she would. That is just how she is. I just couldn't see that look of... Resigned disappointment again.


Now I don't drink, and it certainly it is for me, but it is also for my wife and my kids and my work and my community.

So if you are new, you don't have to want to quit for you, quit for all the good things in this life that alcohol will destroy if you keep drinking. Or just quit because drinking alcohol is a dumba$$ thing to do.

Barnumb

There are many good reasons to quit. Yourself, pets, love, health, the list goes on. Subscribe to whatever you need to as long as you stop drinking and it doesn't matter why or who, just do.

wica

It is day two for me and I really dont know what to expect. Any thoughts on things that help you not reach for a drink?

Barnumb

The first few days for me were a sit on my hands type of deal. Of course I had already had all the alcohol out of the house. I would had to have actually had effort in place to go to the store. I also kept busy. I ate and drank whatever I wanted to. I saw some advice that your only job the first 6 months of sobriety is to not drink. So go do whatever keeps you busy and occupied with out alcohol.

ru12

Wica, what is important to you? If you can't remember, what was important to you before your drinking became a problem?

PurpleKnight

I think the long term project of Sobriety naturally evolves into "quitting for you", the reason being the more time I am Sober, the less I focus on the negatives of drinking and more on the benefits of not drinking, my whole focus has shifted, I like myself more, my self confidence has grown and it has become about my own personal journey.

I agree though that the initial catalyst can be anything, kids, marriage, sheer fear of where alcohol is leading us, but something builds upon that first instinct, a foundation found within ourselves over time!!

ru12

Yea I'm just afraid that some will keep on drinking because they don't yet want to quit for themselves. .. And they keep hearing they have to want it for themselves. Probably misplaced worry. I just hate what alcohol does to people like us.

Soberwolf

Love the thought in your thread ru12

great thread i hate Alcohol too friend

SoberLife90

I agree ru12...All that matters is that we stop drinking. At first I may have been quitting for myself and other people. My parents, family, friends loved the person I became and I got satisfaction out of that. Seeing them happy with me made me happy about myself. Whether I quit for them or myself I'm happy because I'm living a sober lifestyle. In the end I don't drink because I have a problem that I can't control unless I practice complete abstinence from alcohol and that's okay with me. So for you newcomers just do whatever keeps you sober.

tommyinphilly

I think purple knight said it best. Any reason to quit is a good one but to stay sober it has to be about you. You have to need to be sober. I love my kids to death but drank like a fish and spent 5 years barely being there emotionally. It took me hitting bottom to make me need to be sober. My kids are the best part of my sober life, but for me to remain sober I need to appreciate every aspect of my new life.

Resolv

I agree ru12, but you have to want to quit. I see posts periodically where the writer acknowledges alcohol is problematic, but avoids committing to quitting. It begs the question, do you have to hit rock bottom before you want to quit or do you have to find someone/something worth quitting for? I'd prefer to believe in the later.

Hawks

I think it means that the resolve, willingness, determination etc etc has to come from within.

No one else has ever been successful in stopping us from drinking or if someone did manage to deter us from drinking for any length of time.... They cannot manage to deter us forever.

And we cannot expect them to.

All the improvement in our lives that comes with time, in work, family and friends etc, is a result of US staying sober and only we, ultimately, can keep ourselves sober.

We and everyone else enjoys the benefits of our sobriety.

No one can stop us drinking, no one can make us drink.

(outside of using physical force)

LoveMeNow

Boy, this a real blow for so many of us whose loved ones never quit. I guess my husband just didn't love me or our kids enough.

ru12

Not sure why a lot of people don't stop. I just know why I did. Certainly I didn't mean to say that your husband didn't love you enough to stop. I stopped even though I loved to drink. If I were single I may have never stopped at all.

Sorry Love. This was supposed to be a positive thread.

tommyinphilly

It's not you ru12. It was a positive thread.

Zencat

I refer to achieving my sobriety by 'letting go' of alcohol/drugs. It altered my perception of the recovery process from having to stop drinking to being released from drinking. That shift in paradigm has really helped me, maybe it will help someone too.

Hollyanne

I have the worst possible AA "story".
I got sober (4 years tomorrow!!!), because I got ANGRY!
At my elderly mother!
Yup.
I got angry, and I got sober.
I really wanted to before, but I just needed a push.
Then, I was sober for my sisters and brothers and nieces and nephews.
A close family member took his own life because of this stinking disease.
Now, I am sober for me.

Hollyanne

heartcore

I originally got clean from drugs when I was 20 years old because I got pregnant, and wanted to be present for my child and have a healthy pregnancy. Loving and raising that child, and the next, who was born into my sobriety, kept me clean and sober for many many years. I married someone who didn't drink or use, had never really, a super normie, and that relationship was added incentive.

So, it wasn't so much that I got clean and sober exclusively "for" them, but more like "with" them. "For" in the very beginning, but then my whole life was defined within family, and I knew that if I started using again I wouldn't be present and patient enough to do those relationships well.

Later, with that marriage ended and my children grown, I felt I could add wine and beer back into my life. My construction of that decision (meaning the voice of the AV, although I wouldn't have named it that then), had to do with no longer needing complete sobriety "for" them anymore.

I knew I could never use drugs again, because that was a straight descent into hell, and would tear my lovely life to shreds, but since the "for" was an aspect of my not drinking alcohol, and the "for" was no longer there, I saw no reason not to drink moderately for myself.

Now, many years later, I agree that alcoholism is progressive, and that as an addict, I was predisposed to unhealthy drinking. But it had to go much further (to health impacts for my body) for it to become something I wanted to do FOR myself. Even with the health concerns diagnosed, I drank for quite a while before I decided that I was important enough to quit for. Still, I mostly frame it as quitting FOR the world, because I feel that I have a very positive impact on the world with my work. It still isn't fully about me...

I'm single, my kids live far away, most of my original family has passed - there is not another human being on earth who gives a sh** whether or not I am abstinent. I didn't have legal or work impacts from drinking, so even coworkers and friends don't care about my drinking.

I love my sobriety right now, but in the absence of anyone to "stay sober for" I recognize that it is a pretty delicate place to remain. I've gotten very involved in AA just to have some accountability. My relapse this summer was tied in with a new relationship, and it was a smooth transition to drinking again with someone who didn't care (or know) that I wasn't sober. I left that relationship to get sober (which hurt), so there is some part of me that knows that sobriety is the best thing for ME...

Still, it wasn't about quality of life, but panic about my health.

But, yes, sobriety was a lot easier to hold onto when I was doing it FOR others. That must be some sort of self-esteem/self-value/self-destruction issue. Some days, I just don't care, and were it not for the relationships I have in AA and the thought that they would be saddened by my disappearance, I haven't got much incentive to remain sober. Health issues just aren't enough when you are lonely. It might change as I get more recovered and physically "healthy feeling" but that isn't the case yet.

Somehow, that posting came out sort of sad. I'm not deleting it though, because I tend to sound encouraging and confident on these boards, and this is the other side of my struggle, so I might as well share it...

Meraviglioso

I was just talking abut this with my psychologist on Monday. We were talking about finding resources to get me through my cravings. I told her one huge resource for me is to think about my kids and think "do this for the kids, do not drink right now, your kids deserve better" but I was struggling to use that as a resource because from all that I have learned, I must quit for ME, not anyone else. She said "stop beating yourself up, your kids are plenty reason to fight through a craving" She said I already have so much guilt over drinking, if I now add to that by saying my reason for making it thorough a craving is not good enough I am giving myself uneccesary trouble. Yes, the me part should come and be part of it, but if not drinking for my kids gets me thorough another sober day, take it and run with it. Any reason is a good reason. Thanks for the thread.