mystified

I'm preparing for a family dinner today where there will be oceans of wine (nothing in *my* fridge, it will arrive with my relatives) and I don't want to drink any.

The only times I haven't been seen with a wine glass in the past was when I was pregnant and the last time I tried to get sober (when I was asked no less than 4 times if I was pregnant again).

My family either don't realise I have issues around alcohol or are in denial about it and I'm not ready (day 4..... again) to explain myself just yet.

I'm a terrible liar, and I'm not good at *not* explaining myself - something I know I need to work on.

What do I say? Ideas please.

Thank you to my sr friends and for all your help and inspiration.

esinger

Haven't been felling right lately and I'm trying to recover. I think I'll just stick with water.

roguedreams

Well, on one hand, if you're a terrible liar, then don't lie. (aka, just tell them you've quit.) If they ask you if you're preggo, just tell them yes, I'm having a sobriety baby.

General advice I've been given about drinking parties:
- make sure you always have your own drink in hand (cranberry juice and lime, seltzer and lime, whatnot - if you're worried about people asking why you're not drinking, those look like drink-drinks but they're not.) I was even thinking - this may be outlandish - but put cranberry juice in a wine glass? Just make sure you don't mix it up with anybody else's glass? Idk. That may not be a good idea, because it could be "triggering" for you too, simply because it's in a wine glass. Ya know.
- make sure you have a buddy you can text or talk to at any time during the shindig. If you feel your resolve wavering, then you need somebody in your corner that will help you stay strong.
- (this one probably won't apply) - say, "no thank you I've had enough". In your head, that's you saying "no thank you, I've had enough [for my lifetime!]"

other misc ideas ...
- one that we used to use at work was "I'm on antibiotics and can't drink tonight"

Depends on how well they know your habits.

If I think of anything else, I'll share.

instant

• don't explain and don't apologise
• have a drink in hand- "no i'm right with this" (this will be oft repeated)-
• I did use 'medication', 'fitness kick', 'blood work tomorrow', 'antibiotics', 'just took migraine meds'- early on
• stay busy
• move away from those who pressure to those that don't
• arrive late and leave early (not an option at your place)

I have to add that that 3 years on - what people say or ask no longer bothers me- it's their issue not mine

N3p3nth3

I've said that I'm not drinking because alcohol gives me heartburn / indigestion and it seems my body just doesn't respond well to it anymore. These are completely true but of course not quite the full story.

cusper

I think I told some people that I was quitting for a month to cleanse.

roguedreams

Ah! Another one - "I'm on a diet" ? From the lying side of things, that can be mental reservation (alcohol diet). Of course, if you're like me, you can't use that one, because you're at or below your fair weight. And too, um, that means they may question if you say that and then turn around and eat cake or whatnot.

flossyfressia

I'd just say "I don't fancy it tomight" and leave it at that. Xx

Kaneda8888

If all else fails, make sure you have an exit strategy, e.g, need to retire early due to migraine, early start in the morning, suffering insomnia, etc.

heartcore

How about "I woke up with a terrible headache..."

Then, if they're alcoholics like my family, they'll try to insist on hair of the dog. By then you're in deep, but could reply with "it's not a hangover, more of a migraine, I think I'm dehydrated.".

If it's family, the antibiotics one doesn't work cause they'll want to know what for. In my family, a fitness regime doesn't work either, because they scorn any sort of self discipline (it makes them uncomfortable). Even when I told them I was an alcoholic, they try to convince me otherwise (because I drink less than they do...).

Headache works, because it's out of my control, and they understand that (plus, then later you can say that you have to go lay down in a darkened room by yourself for a bit, because it's getting worse).

AncientMariner

I don't feel like drinking....

why not?

because I don't feel like it....

mystified

I've decided onn: "I'm not drinking today"

This is reinforcing 'one day at a time'. It's not dishonest yet it's not giving anything else away.

Thank you everyone for your responses. Very much appreciated.

I'm hoping someone will be around in a couple of hours because that's when the bottles will start going round.

Happy sober Sunday friends.

Soberwolf

well chosen mystified

AncientMariner

Good luck! Be a spartan going in to battle!

You'll be stronger getting through to the other side!

doggonecarl

I hope you've made it through the dinner. As you struggle, consider that you will have to change up your relationship with alcohol and with your circle of family and friends, at least in early recovery. Maybe no more dinners with wine (your house, your rules--no wine!) and avoiding invites to dinners and such that will be alcohol filled.

dwtbd

Looks like you already chose a response, good one too.
Mine would have been a little self depricating , kinda

"Oh , no thanks, not after last night" ( see how that works, right? )

neferkamichael

Mystified, that quote is probably the best thing to do, rootin for ya.

luvmygirls

Sounds like a good choice to me! My plan is the diet one, which is totally true: "I'm cutting out sugar." GOOD LUCK and be sure to post what happens! :-)

mystified

I did it!

A family dinner with soft drinks instead of wine.

I sent 3 1/2 bottles of wine away with my guests. Funny how hardly anyone had a drink because I wasn't drinking. I wonder why that was?

Thanks for all your support.

least

I just say 'no thanks' and leave it at that. No one's questioned me. And if they would, I'd ask them why my not drinking bothers them.