hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 1
hello
Hello.
I am fairly new to this site but the more I see my boyfriend struggle with addiction the more I find myself searching for guidance and support. My boyfriend has admitted to being an alcoholic on a number of occasions and I always feel like I am continuously having the same discussions about getting help or seeing change.
Last night there was a 'blow out'. Its like it goes in a cycle. You think its getting a little better and then booze is being hidden from me and I'm being lied to. When I confronted him about lieing it became and attack on me about things I have or havnt been doing that has recently lead him to drink more. An example being the idea of being intimate with him has been a challenge lately due to the addiction.
His drinking is causing me anxiety. I'm constantly evaluating situations and actions as he tries to hide his drinking. I'm constantly concerned about his drinking at my family events and has on a number of occasions gotten drunk at them.
He struggles with anger management and doesn't deal well with discussions surrounding his addiction. He has never been physically abusive but in the most recent blow out I felt he was being emotionally abusive towards me and it scared me that he's getting worse.
I feel like like I'm losing my mind. How did I let myself get here. I feel like I'm losing the person I love. Everything Iv read really has been comforting in the sense that other people have similar experiences but as I continuously read people saying basically its only going to get harder and that its going to be forever and you can never fully trust someone whose drunk al the time and that you will never come before booze, it utterly breaks my heart.
I really don't know if I'm strong enough for this.
He deserves so much more than this.
Im lost. Utterly lost in where to go from here.
I am fairly new to this site but the more I see my boyfriend struggle with addiction the more I find myself searching for guidance and support. My boyfriend has admitted to being an alcoholic on a number of occasions and I always feel like I am continuously having the same discussions about getting help or seeing change.
Last night there was a 'blow out'. Its like it goes in a cycle. You think its getting a little better and then booze is being hidden from me and I'm being lied to. When I confronted him about lieing it became and attack on me about things I have or havnt been doing that has recently lead him to drink more. An example being the idea of being intimate with him has been a challenge lately due to the addiction.
His drinking is causing me anxiety. I'm constantly evaluating situations and actions as he tries to hide his drinking. I'm constantly concerned about his drinking at my family events and has on a number of occasions gotten drunk at them.
He struggles with anger management and doesn't deal well with discussions surrounding his addiction. He has never been physically abusive but in the most recent blow out I felt he was being emotionally abusive towards me and it scared me that he's getting worse.
I feel like like I'm losing my mind. How did I let myself get here. I feel like I'm losing the person I love. Everything Iv read really has been comforting in the sense that other people have similar experiences but as I continuously read people saying basically its only going to get harder and that its going to be forever and you can never fully trust someone whose drunk al the time and that you will never come before booze, it utterly breaks my heart.
I really don't know if I'm strong enough for this.
He deserves so much more than this.
Im lost. Utterly lost in where to go from here.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I'd let him know how upset you are, how concerned for his well being. Then do what you can to look after yourself. Take care of yourself. You can't do his recovery for him, he has to want it for himself.
Can you live elsewhere for a while to let him decide the kind of life he wants? He's got to know the consequences of his actions and choices.
Can you live elsewhere for a while to let him decide the kind of life he wants? He's got to know the consequences of his actions and choices.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,001
Sorry, but being honest. You need to leave. Coming from an alcoholic. He wont change for anyone but himself. Hes hiding booze. Hes not ready to quit. You are thinking its you, but its not. Protect yourself.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Really glad you found SR and expressed your feelings. It is very difficult to love someone and want to help but really cannot. Frankly, I was the guy your talking about in some degree.
Keep posting and perhaps consider Al-anon meetings. These will help YOU gain insight and establish some tools you might find useful - many do.
May you find comfort
Keep sharing.
Peace
Keep posting and perhaps consider Al-anon meetings. These will help YOU gain insight and establish some tools you might find useful - many do.
May you find comfort
Keep sharing.
Peace
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum Cat!! 
Unless he wants to change his drinking he can't be forced to, but what about YOU, what do you want from life, don't sit around waiting on someone else to change, go out and grab the life that you want, he may change and that's great, but what if he doesn't?!!
You'll find loads of support here on SR, we also have a friends and family section too, which might be worth a read!!
Unless he wants to change his drinking he can't be forced to, but what about YOU, what do you want from life, don't sit around waiting on someone else to change, go out and grab the life that you want, he may change and that's great, but what if he doesn't?!!
You'll find loads of support here on SR, we also have a friends and family section too, which might be worth a read!!
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